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Humor "We Are Not A Glum Lot." Share Articles, Humor, Inspirations, Jokes, News, Poems, Quotes, Writings, etc. Here. Keep It Clean Please.

 
 
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Old 03-31-2017, 07:44 AM   #1
bluidkiti
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Default Things You Wouldn't Know Without The Movies

Things You Wouldn't Know Without The Movies

1. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

2. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

3. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

4. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

5. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

6. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

7. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of year.

8. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.

9. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place -- no one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

10. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

11. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

12. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. Plus, you can drive for at least 10 seconds without looking where you are going.

13. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

14. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts -- your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

15. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds -- unless it's the door to a burning building.
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When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. --Franklin D. Roosevelt
We stay sober and clean together - one day at a time!
God says that each of us is worth loving.
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