A Living Program

[MajestyJo]

This disease is cunning, powerful and baffling and it is a family disease. I don't know when I crossed over from being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic to being an active alcoholic/addict. I remember the first taste of my drink at 10, was given Valium and 16, didn't start drinking until 21, but didn't drink regularly until I was 27.

When I made the decision to quit, my way I was 41. Figured men where my problem, (and they can be if I allow it to happen, I lived my life through many people in my lifetime) and never got more than three months at one time. When I came to the program at 49, I was able to stay stopped. The biggest part of my recovery has been service. The best way to get out of me and my problems is to help someone else; yet I can use other people to not look at my own issues, so I need the balance of meetings, a sponsor, outside interests, and working the Twelve Steps into my life.

It is a living program. Not a one time "fix" or a remedy to cure my "ills", it is about me learning to live instead of existing and living in the shadow of others and life.

Service helped me with my self-esteem, self-respect and self-worth.

Just keep coming, don't leave until the miracle happens. You may be the only Big Book someone will ever see.

[MajestyJo]

Am I running away from Alcohol?

My first sponsor said to me one day, " You traded your Alcoholism for I isms

Never heard this put exactly this way before, but it is so true. When I get full of "Me, Myself and I" then I am back playing the "god" of my life!

They say that the root of my disease is selfishness and self-centeredness. It is so easy to slip back into old ways if we don't keep that spiritual connection, and for me, it is contact with friends who will be honest with me when I can't be honest with myself.

I can slip on that blanket of denial and tell myself I am "just fine", yet this is a disease of perception, so unless I share my thinking, how do I know if it is stinking or not! Always sounded good to me! That doesn't mean it is right!!!

[MajestyJo]

This is a living program, each day is a new beginning. What I did yesterday, a week ago, a year ago, doesn't keep me sober in today. It gives me a perception as to what I need to do in today, I can learn from my past, either continue doing what worked or continue acting out in my disease. It is my choice.

That is why I like the Serenity Prayer. I found I couldn't wear it out. It was applicable to all areas of my life.

For me, it was an all day, every day thing and I was glad I couldn't wear it out.

At first, all I can do was say the words. They didn't have much meaning and yet taking the time to say it, gave me that time out that I needed to make a healthy decision instead of reacting or opening my mouth when it was best left closed.

The major dilemma I had was figuring out "the wisdom to know the difference." That took a while and lots and lots of practice.

Often there were occasions that I thought what would have happened if I hadn't stopped to say it. I often shutter just to think about it! In today, I always try to follow it up with the Third and Seven Prayers too. If you look in the AA Big Book (Page 76), the Amen comes after the Seventh Step Prayer.

[MajestyJo]

Author Dan Millman says, "...our sense of self-worth is the single most important determinant of the health, abundance, and joy we allow into our lives."

In truth, each of us is innately worthy. Our worthiness does not have to be strengthened or improved.

I may not PERCEIVE myself to be worthy, however. If I doubt my self-worth, consciously or unconsciously, I will limit the good things I will allow into my life. Subconsciously, I will choose or attract into my life what I believe I deserve and nothing more.

EXERCISE: Your self-worth reflects your overall sense of your own value. Our exercise today asks you to explore this question: HOW DESERVING AM I?

It may help to ponder these questions:

- Do you find it easier to give than to receive?
- Do you have as much money as you would like?
- Do you feel driven to improve yourself?
- Do you value other people's time more highly than your own?
- How would you feel if someone offered to pay you a salary of 10 million/year?

Take some time to answer these questions and write your thoughts in your journal. If you discover you have set limits on what you deserve to receive in life, don't despair. (We all doubt our self-worth to some degree.) Being aware that we have set limits is a huge step forward in beginning to let them go.

"I have never been contained except I made the prison."
-- Mary Evans

"Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them."
-- Brendan Francis

You are worth it!

[MajestyJo]

This was the topic at the Living Sober meeting I went to. Learning to let go of the old tapes and learning to think and act a new way. Letting go of limiting beliefs, opening my mind to other things other than my way, and just because I have been doing things for 20 + years, doesn't mean I should continue doing them, old patterns don't make things right.

What served me in good stead, even in early recovery, may not be what I need in today. I must remember that it is just for today. All I have is this one day and it is what I make of it that counts in the long run.

My best thinking got me to the doors of recovery. I no longer have a drug problem, I don't pick up, a day at a time. What I have is a thinking problem, and I need to let go of the stinking thinking. I have to remember when it comes to mind, that it is part of my using, not my recovery.

The future is made of the same stuff as the present.
—Simone Weil

The only lessons that matter for our lives at this time will come to us today. Just as what we needed and were ready for yesterday came yesterday, tomorrow insures more of the same. Concerning ourselves with any other moment but the present prevents us from responding when "the teacher appears."

Each Day A New Beginning

Love this, explains how I feel and how I try to think each day and expresses it so much better than I can.

As the old saying goes, "If you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, you are missing out on today.

How can I see what is happening in today if I am continually looking over my shoulder at the past or focusing my sight on the future. I can't see what is going on around me and I end up with tunnel vision.

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. You can't be ready in today, if you are still focusing on the past and the future.

[MajestyJo]

Not all fights are bad; in fact they are preferable to disciplined serenity.

—William Atwood

Really liked this reading. It made me think, of one of the most freeing tips that I heard in recovery was to say to my partner, child, parent, "This is how you make me feel."

There is nothing wrong with anger. It is how I express it and deal with it that is important. Often it is justified, yet it is not healthy for an alcoholic, especially when it is taken out on those around them. There is nothing wrong with sad as long as it doesn't take us into a long depression. Depression takes me to isolation which isn't only of the body, but of the spirit as well.

I still have problems being around people who are angry. I have to remember that it is their disease that is talking. Often you can't talk to them about their actions and your feelings until they are sober. One, they won't remember; two, they will probably react unfavorably and things are best left unsaid or discussed at another time; three, it is always best not to feed into the anger or any other feeling.

As the saying goes, "If there are two people in a room and there is only one emotion and one thought in a room, someone is not there. One person does not have a voice or a say, is being controlled by another, or living their life through the other person, which ever way you look at it, it is not healthy and it is not living.

Am I the controlling one or am I being controlled or am I the one who is able to speak up and be me?

Was just sharing with a friend about not taking on other people's feelings. It is important to say that prayer, especially for me, I use to take on everything, but the kitchen sink.

Prayer does work. Negativity has a way of just taking a hold of you and not wanting to let go. It is hard to see what is going on when you are in it. It is so true, some people can be really draining.

It is not just the words they don't say but the body language too.

from 2010

I know that my health issues can be a bore, but for me, I need to feel the feeling, in order to let them go. I need to acknowledge them and recognize them, instead of ignoring them and stuffing them. I am sorry if my posts are a pain. I try to share how I deal with it without use and abusing myself or others.