Detachment

[MajestyJo]

When ever I am in an Al-Anon or ACoA or CoDA section, I always try to remember it isn't about the "A" in my life., the person in recovery is me.

That is why I have loved the slogan, "Let It Begin With Me," since I came into recovery. It isn't about the finger pointing outward, it is about the mirror being reflecting from within me.

Yes I need to detach from their behavior, and yet how many times do my actions warrent detachment because I am not working my program, and I again become that screaming shrew and self-righteous sinner. I again, tell myself, I am not the one with the problem, it is him/her and that is when I need to detach from that way of thinking and start working my own program.

I don't have to accept unacceptable behavior and yet, how do I go about doing that. I have to set up boundaries, often reinforcing them. Are my boundaries so rigid that I am no approachable. Am I so narrow minded, unforgiving and rigid in my thinking that I have no forgiveness and compassion? In my detachment, am I always letting go one more time, not taking into consideration my own self-respect and what I need for myself and my own recovery.

Again I have to remember to look at the person and not the disease.

posted on another site in 2012.

Detachment for me in today is best up with the slogan, "Live and let live." I must live my own life and not live it through others. I need to let others live their own life and let them find their own way. I thought if they would only do....! I am not their God and my way doesn't mean it is right for someone else.

The best way to keep my A from going for help is for me to talk recovery to him. He digs in his heals and closes down or gets angry and starts yelling and very verbally abusive. If you don't feed the fire, it will go out and can't grow into something volitile. I need to detach and remember that they are acting out in their disease.