HI newbie here

[MajestyJo]

Welcome Toni, thanks for sharing. Sharing helps us get through it. I use to be very extroverted and at 4 years sober a friend said I was an introvert. I think it is because I no longer had the drugs to block my reality. They helped us and were our coping tool until they no longer worked, then we start looking at other stuff.

Often our anxiety and other feelings are rooted in our past, and the 12 Steps allow us to heal, one day at a time. There is recovery material here, hope some of it will help you.

I had to pray for the willingness to get out the door. I would go grocery shopping and would leave the cart in the store and walk out. One of the miracles of recovery, along with many more, like no longer having to get off the bus, and fear of walking over bridges and grates and the fear of falling. Had the fear of thunderstorms and fire because our house was struck by lightning when I was 5, and now I can stand on my balcony and watch it.

It took two friends to hold my arms to get me to my first speaker meeting. It reminded me of the bar because it was so noisy and they were laughing. I went to a lot of small discussion groups. I didn't have a computer. I knew that meeting makers make it and I faced my fears, and went to two meetings a day for two years. I was still doing 10 meetings a week at 10 years sober because of service and for my own sobriety.

I have a tremon disorder, it makes my hands shake, and people thought I was using even though I was clean and sober. I couldn't take it personally, just did the do things they told me to do. Don't pick up, go to a meeting, get a sponsor and a home group. We can
do what I can't do alone.

In today, I am physically not able to go to meetings very often, and I am so grateful for the 22 years under my belt. Even now, I know when I have to go to a meeting. Even talking on the phone isn't the same, it helps. I got phone numbers, many meetings have phone lists that a new member can ask for.

One day at a time, it does get better. Our drugs and alcohol cover things up, doesn't take all the pain away.

We are not alone, the God of your understanding is only a prayer away. Even if you don't have an understanding of God, He will make Himself known to you if you just keep coming.