Morning Medicine

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My nieces Jessica, age five, and Stephanie, age three, were chatting with their mom when Stephanie asked, "Mommy, does God really make rainbows?"

"Of course he does," my sister replied. Jessica nudged Stephanie and explained, "Only God has such big crayons."

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Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful. His grandmother remarked..."doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?" Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed." This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him "What makes you say God did this with his left hand?" "Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!"

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Kids in Sunday School

STORY OF ELIJAH
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times. "Now," said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?" A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know, I know," she said, "to make the gravy!"

LOT'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Johnny interrupted, "My Mommy looked back once, while she was DRIVING," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"

DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked,
"Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?" "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."

HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?" One child blurted out, "Aces!"

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Sermon

Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet.

About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, "If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!"

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A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

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At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

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A minister was making a wooden trellis to support a climbing vine. As he was pounding away, he noticed that a little boy was watching him. The youngster didn't say a word, so the preacher kept on working, thinking the lad would leave. But he didn't. Pleased at the thought that his work was being admired, the pastor finally said, "Well, son, trying to pick up some pointers on gardening?" "No," he replied. "I'm just waiting to hear what a preacher says when he hits his thumb with a hammer."

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A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.

The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."

The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."

The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.

The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"

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The Squirrel Question

A pastor was giving the children's message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them for children's church.

On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation. He started out by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children nodded eagerly.

"This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts (pause)..." No hands went up. "And it is gray (pause) and has a long bushy tail (pause)..." The children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised. "And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and chatters and flips its tail when it's excited (pause)..."

Finally one little boy tentatively raised his hand. The pastor breathed a sigh of relief and called on him.

"Well," said the boy, "I *know* the answer must be Jesus ... but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!"

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When my youngest son was three years old, one of his finches died. It was winter so we couldn't bury the bird, so I flushed it down the toilet. I didn't realize that he had seen me do this until I heard him crying behind me. Trying to make him feel better, I told him that his bird was with God now.

He stopped crying, looked at me a bit bewildered, and asked, "God is in the toilet?"

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We were studying Christmas customs from around the world. It was an ideal opportunity to share the Christmas story. I explained that Mary and Joseph had gone to Bethlehem to pay taxes. It was time for the baby Jesus to be born and they needed somewhere to spend the night. I told my students that when they went to the inn, there were no empty rooms. I compared the inn to a modern-day hotel or motel. I was leading up to the stable when I asked, "What do you suppose they had behind the inn?"

One little guy, who had been listening intently, began to frantically wave his hand. His face was alight with knowledge. "A swimming pool."

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Onions

The minister brought his 4 year old daughter to bed and asked what she would like to pray about.

Promptly she answered, "Onions."

So they prayed about onions.

The next morning, the Reverend asked her why she wanted to pray about onions.

"Because you said in your sermon Sunday that we should pray for things we don't like."

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Years ago when my two girls were small, they were taught how to ask the blessing before eating their meal. One night as I was busy scurrying around the kitchen, I told them both to ask the blessing without me.

I took a moment to watch them as they both squeezed their eyes tightly shut over folded hands. As my 4-year-old finished, her 3-year-old sister kept on praying.

Another minute or two passed before she lifted her head, looked at her plate, and in an indignant voice said, "Hey! My peas are still here!"

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Playing Ball

A five-year-old boy surprised his father one day by saying, "I guess I'll go outdoors and play ball with God."

"Tell me, how do you play ball with God?" asked the father.

"Oh, it's not hard at all," said the boy. "I just throw the ball up and God throws it back down to me."

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Heaven

The Sunday school teacher asked her preschool class, "How many of

you would like to go to Heaven?"

All the children raised their hands except Tommy. The teacher asked

Tommy why he wouldn't like to go to Heaven.

Tommy answered, "I'm sorry, but I can't. My mother told me to come

right home after Sunday school.”

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Please Don't Let Me Be Late

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as
fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As
she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!
Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"

As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and
fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She
got up, brushed herself off, and started running again.

As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please
don't let me be late!...But don't shove me either."

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Salvation By Annoyance

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally
asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out
and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan,
come in or stay out!’"