Defects of Character

[MajestyJo]

*closed mindedness – Contempt prior to investigation. Disregarding things and ideas just because they are new and unknown. Being unwilling to try things or follow suggestions. Failing to remain teachable. Having a mind firmly unreceptive to new ideas or arguments.

This describes a lot of what I was brought up with and thought myself to be very liberal minded. What I was in, was rebellion.

I thought myself a free spirit and what I was a stoned spook/spoof for want of a better word(s), to describe someone who didn't have a clue.

When I was told that HOW the program worked was Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness, the mind was the first thing I did. I thought I had honesty, but I was cash register honest, but I didn't have true self-honest, and that came last.

Using was no longer an option. For me to use was to die, so I had to find a new way of living. I went to lots of meetings to listen to everyone, and I got so mixed up with this pile of knowledge, with not to knowledge about how to sort it and to put what where.

I heard people sharing about a Higher Power, got so confused, that I didn't recognize my own God and realized I didn't know who He was. I went on a spiritual Quest, opening my mind to all possibilities. In the past, my mind would have slammed shut. Instead I became intrigued and kept on looking and I am still looking today. God is as He reveals Himself to me today. If I stop looking, I might forget to start looking again.

God is who I need Him to be in today. He wears many hats and has broad shoulders. He is loving and caring and I am sure sometimes exasperated and frustrated, yet is Love is unconditional and His promises do come true.

With each new day, is a new experience, a new awareness, and a new connection. He is always there I know. Yet for me, it is me that has to make the conscious effort to reach out to Him.