Expectations

[MajestyJo]

Because you're not what I would have you be, I blind myself to who, in truth, you are.
—Madeleine L'Engle

It was the quote that drew me to the reading. I realized early in recovery that you can't project expectation, especially onto someone who is not mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually capable of meeting them.

I would put such high expectations in some areas of my life and expect others to live up to my standards. Even when I lowered them, to some people they seemed unattainable. If I didn't live up to them myself, it was just another reason to beat myself up.

As it says in the Big Book: The higher my acceptance and the lower my expectations, I never had it so good.

Before AA, I judged myself by my intentions, while the world was judging me by my actions. Acceptance has been my answer....

Big Book p. 450 - Third Edition

Expectations

Higher Power, help me stop expecting so much from myself. I set unrealistic standards, and when they are not met, unhappiness follows.

Help me be true to myself and only expect what I am capable of doing. As I grow in recovery, I am able to do more.

Your will provides realistic goals. Your will provides what I need to succeed.

The 12 Step Prayer Book Volume 2 by Bill P. and Lisa D.

No matter what fellowship we belong in, I think we have always put high expectations on ourself. Either that, or we had very little or none whatsoever and we never could do anything because we always thought of ourselves as failures.

Often I projected them onto others, only to find that they were not capable of meeting them. I had to realize that they were not failures, because they didn't meat my criteria. I forgot that they had their own Higher Power and that I wasn't it.

I temper my expectations with acceptance today. As the Big Book says, "The lower my expectations the higher my acceptance.

All I am asked to do is be the best me I can be in today. Sometimes I fall far short of this, that is why there is Step Seven. It says in the Bible (I think), "Make a joyful noise onto the Lord." That noise isn't suppose to be caterwauling and complaining, it is to be praise and joy filled with a lot of gratitude for this second chance at life.

[MajestyJo]

These have always been difficult for me because I place them very high for myself. I found in recovery, that I tended to project those same standards onto other people, often people not capable of meeting them for whatever reason.

When I go into a day expecting certain things to happen, I am bound to be disappointed. I learned a long time ago that God and the Universe are not always on the same wavelength as I am. This is probably a good things, seeing as it was my thinking that got me into trouble in the first place.

It is always the thinking behinds the disease. The substance is but a symptom of my disease. The only thing I can expect when I use is regret, remorse, resentment, and ruefulness about what happened the next morning.

As the old saying goes, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." What I always want is for Him to give me a little hint so we both know what is happening. I think that is called control issues. How can I expect to have control of my day when I am powerless over people, places and things.

I do expect to stay clean and sober today. The reason for that expectation is the fact that I have asked my God's help for this day. He hasn't failed me in 20 years. I have fallen far short of my expectations of what I should do for Him. He only expects me to try, other than that, His Love is unconditional. He doesn't even judge the effort and the energy I put into the trying. It helps to be willing. Again, after the Serenity Prayer, it is good to turn my thinking over to my Higher Power, and pray for the willingness to be willing.


These have always been difficult for me because I place them very high for myself. I found in recovery, that I tended to project those same standards onto other people, often people not capable of meeting them for whatever reason.

When I go into a day expecting certain things to happen, I am bound to be disappointed. I learned a long time ago that God and the Universe are not always on the same wavelength as I am. This is probably a good things, seeing as it was my thinking that got me into trouble in the first place.

It is always the thinking behinds the disease. The substance is but a symptom of my disease. The only thing I can expect when I use is regret, remorse, resentment, and ruefulness about what happened the next morning.

As the old saying goes, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." What I always want is for Him to give me a little hint so we both know what is happening. I think that is called control issues. How can I expect to have control of my day when I am powerless over people, places and things.

I do expect to stay clean and sober today. The reason for that expectation is the fact that I have asked my God's help for this day. He hasn't failed me in 20 years. I have fallen far short of my expectations of what I should do for Him. He only expects me to try, other than that, His Love is unconditional. He doesn't even judge the effort and the energy I put into the trying. It helps to be willing. Again, after the Serenity Prayer, it is good to turn my thinking over to my Higher Power, and pray for the willingness to be willing.

For so many years, I projected things onto others and expected them to act like I thought they should do. I didn't realized that I didn't have the power to change them, I had to focus inward instead of outward. You can't put expectations on someone who is not capable of doing what you want them to do. I can't expect someone to work a program if they don't have one to of their own and not willing to put it into practice today. As someone once said to me, "I did have a program, I just chose not to use it."

[MajestyJo]

Don't make high expectations on yourself. Don't accept expectations projected on to you by others. This is a one day at a time program. No race, to timetable, no schedule, no expectations to meet other people's expectations. It was important for me to find what was good for me. I could listen and learn from others, but that doesn't mean that I can't talk it over with my God and come to a decision.

You can't be all things to all people.
You can't do all things at once.
You can't do all things equally well.
You can't do all things better than everyone else.
Your humanity is showing just like everyone else's.

So...

You have to find out who you are, and be that.
You have to decide what comes first and do that.
You have to discover your strengths, and use them.
You have to learn not to compete with others,
Because no one else is in the contest of "being you".

Then...

You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.
You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions.
You will have learned to live with your limitations.
You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due,
And you'll be a being that's vitally alive.

Dare To Believe...

That you are a wonderful unique person.
That you are a once-in-all-history event.
That it's more than a right, it's your duty, to be who you are.
That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish,
and you'll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down.

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