Today's Thought - November

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November 16

We need four hugs a day for survival.
We need eight hugs a day for maintenance.
We need twelve hugs a day for growth.
--Virginia Satir

Virginia Satir was an internationally acclaimed therapist. She knew a lot about what people need to be healthy and happy and to live in good relationships with each other. She was very smart, and most of her advice was pretty simple.

Take hugs, for example. What could be more simple? One person reaching out to touch another person with safety and care. Very simple. But what do hugs give people? Comfort. Acceptance. The basics we all need no matter where we are at today.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me ask for the hugs I need and want today. Remind me today to offer hugs to the people around me. And help me feel the big hug You have for me too.

Today's Action

Today I will talk with my sponsor about this question: What is easier for me - to get a hug or to give a hug?

You are reading from the book:

God Grant Me... by Anonymous

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November 17

If you play with a thing long enough, you will surely break it.
--Anonymous

Some things shouldn't be played with. Our recovery program is one of these things. When we play with our program, we're taking a risk. We play with the program by missing meetings. Or by not calling our sponsors. Or by skipping the Steps we think are too hard.

It's okay to play. But it's not okay to play with our recovery program. When we play with our program, we risk our lives.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me know that I must work this program with care and respect.

Action for the Day

Today, I'll make two lists. On one list, I'll write ways I work on my program. On the other list, I'll write ways I play with my program. And I'll put my energy into working the program.

You are reading from the book:

Keep It Simple by Anonymous

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November 18

Stopping, calming, and resting are preconditions for healing. When animals in the forest are wounded they find a place to lie down and rest completely for many days . . . They just rest and get the healing they need.
--Thich Nhat Hanh

We hurt. We suffer. We wrong our loved ones and they do wrong by us. Reaching desperately for an answer will not help us. Pretending we're not hurt doesn't help either. When we are wounded, the wound needs rest in order to heal. So it is with our souls. If we poke at our hurt, pick at the sore, rub it in the dirt of others' opinions, we do not allow it time to heal.

If you've been hurt, accept that. Feel the hurt. Be aware of it. Let it heal. Maybe it would be better if you didn't talk to that person for a while. Maybe you need to let go of the relationship. Maybe you just need some quiet time. Whatever the answer is, find a safe place and allow yourself to heal.

If you're feeling pain, be aware of it. Feel the pain, and then quit picking at the wound. Lie low. Quit fighting. Relax. Give your wounds time and enough rest to heal.

God, help me relax enough to stop, calm down, and heal.

You are reading from the book:

More Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

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November 19

A man has made at least a start on discovering the meaning of human life when he plants shade trees under which he knows full well he will never sit.
--D. Elton Trueblood

Our lives are enriched by the contributions of those who lived before us. Many men and women gave more than they ever took from society, and now we enjoy the rewards. Some people were fired with a spirit to beautify the world and planted trees that will live for 200 years. Others wrote music that speaks to us from another generation, and others established a government that guides our principles of justice. They gave so much because they knew they were a part of their community and the world.

Most of us cannot make the great contributions that will make us famous, but we enrich our lives when we contribute freely to improving our community and the world. We do that when we simply say hello to our neighbor, when we serve on a volunteer cleanup committee for a local park, and when we do Twelfth Step work in the program. We too have beautified and contributed to the world, and that gives us a feeling of peace and self respect.

Today, I will appreciate all that comes freely to me from others, and I will give what I can to make the world a better place.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

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November 20

If I have freedom in my life,
And in my soul am free,
Angels alone that soar above
Enjoy such liberty.
--Richard Lovelace

When a cow decides to stop nursing her calf, she isn't rejecting it. She knows it's time for the calf to be on its own. Although the calf might feel rejected and puzzled at first, it soon adapts to its new independence and freedom.

When we feel rejected, it's useful to remember that whatever has caused us to feel this way might have nothing to do with us. It might be a reflection of what's happening with someone else, or just the end of a natural stage in life, as with the calf.

When we understand that others' actions toward us come from their own feelings, and that we don't cause their feelings any more than they control ours, we can free ourselves from a little bit of fear and self-hate. We can see what seems to be rejection as an open door, with our freedom on the other side.

You are reading from the book:

Today's Gift by Anonymous

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November 21

Resentment

Of all the negative emotions, resentment diminishes us the most. It brings unwarranted anger toward those who have something we want, and self-pity for ourselves. It drains us of the energy we need to change our lives and work toward goals. Resentment keeps us in a rigid judgment of who "should" and who "should not" achieve success; all "should" attitudes are pointless, breeding discontent and wasting time. Above all, resentment is ugly to see and even uglier to feel. When I'm resentful, I feel hatred toward others and myself.

Today, I ask for the humility to accept my limitations, without resenting others who have exceeded them. I ask for the courage to pursue my own goals, not comparing myself to others.

You are reading from the book:

Help for Helpers by Anonymous

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November 22

. . .we may surprise ourselves by discovering a treasure.

Not all secrets are bad. Some secrets are more like unspoken, unacknowledged mysteries than sinister destructive forces. We may quietly know what it is like to be a man or a woman in an intimate relationship, but we may never have told anyone in words. We may have a sense of how our lives have changed as a result of our relationship, but we may never have stopped to fully express it, even to ourselves. A piece of music may touch a place within us that does not have words. Those secrets are valuable and worth guarding like a precious treasure.

When we try to find words for these secrets, we may surprise ourselves by discovering a treasure. They may give us a sense of power or join us with others who understand us. These treasured secrets are an adventure for a couple to reveal to each other. What is the most valuable lesson you have learned about intimacy since you first met? What would you reveal to your son or daughter about the ways to gain the greatest happiness in love? How would you choose to live the last day of your life?

Select a treasured secret to tell your partner, and then try to describe it to him or her.

You are reading from the book:

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

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November 23

A.A. Thought for the Day

Let us consider the term "spiritual experience" as given in Appendix II of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous. A spiritual experience is something that brings about a personality change. By surrendering our lives to God as we understand Him, we are changed. The nature of this change is evident in recovered alcoholics. This personality change is not necessarily in the nature of a sudden and spectacular upheaval. We do not need to acquire an immediate and overwhelming "God-consciousness," followed at once by a vast change in feeling and outlook. In most cases, the change is gradual.

Do I see a gradual and continuing change in myself?

Meditation for the Day

"Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest." For rest from the care of life, you can turn to God each day in prayer and communion. Real relaxation and serenity come from a deep sense of the fundamental goodness of the universe. God's everlasting arms are underneath all and will support you. Commune with God, not so much for petitions to be granted as for the rest that comes from relying on His will and His purposes for your life. Be sure of God's strength available to you, be conscious of His support, and wait quietly until that true rest from God fills your being.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be conscious of God's support today. I pray that I may rest safe and sure therein.

You are reading from the book:

Twenty-Four Hours a Day by Anonymous

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November 24

The expression of praise as thanksgiving, gratitude, and joy is among the most powerful forms of affirmation.
--Catherine Ponder

Praise inevitably has a multiple effect. It positively acknowledges another human being, enhancing his or her well being, while making us feel good. This offering of love, which is the substance of praise, heals all who share in its circle.

We can see the effects of affirmation in the people we admire. We can discern its absence too, particularly among those who struggle. How difficult is it to give small acknowledgments to those we care about? Making a habit of this heals our own inner wounds too.

Affirming a friend or ourselves connects us to the spirit residing within. That bond fills in our empty spaces, making us whole and healed. Our security grows as we praise one another.

I will freely offer my love in the form of praise to the wonderful friends on my path today.

You are reading from the book:

A Woman's Spirit by Karen Casey

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November 25

Apologies

Sometimes, we act in a manner with which we are less than comfortable. That's human. That's why we have the words: "I'm sorry." They heal and bridge the gap. But we don't have to say, "I'm sorry" if we didn't do anything wrong. A sense of shame can keep us apologizing for everything we do, every word we say, for being alive and being who we are.

We don't have to apologize for taking care of ourselves, dealing with feelings, seeking boundaries, having fun, or getting healthy.

We never have to change our course, if it is in our best interest, but sometimes a general apology acknowledges other feelings and can be useful when the issues of a circumstance or relationship are not clear. We might say, "I'm sorry for the fuss we had. I'm sorry if what I needed to do to take care of myself hurt you; it was not intended that way."

Once we make an apology, we don't have to keep repeating it. If someone wants to keep on extricating an apology from us for the same incident, that is the person's issue, and we don't have to get hooked.

We can learn to take our apologies seriously and not hand them out when they're not valid. When we feel good about ourselves, we know when it's time to say we're sorry and when it's not.

Today, I will try to be clear and healthy in my apologies, taking responsibility for my actions and nobody else's. God, help me figure out what I need to apologize for and what is not my responsibility.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

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November 26

Reflection for the Day

In the past, and sometimes even now, I automatically have thought, "Why me?", when I'm trying to learn that my first problem is to accept my present circumstances as they are, myself as I am, and the people around me as they are. Just as I finally accepted my powerlessness over my addiction, so must I accept my powerlessness over people, places and things. Am I learning to accept life on life's terms?

Today I Pray

May I learn to control my urge to control, my compulsion to manage, neaten, organize and label the lives of others. May I learn to accept situations and people as they are instead of as I would like them to be. Thus, may I do away with the ongoing frustrations that a controlling person by nature, faces continually. May I be entirely ready to have God remove this defect of character.

You are reading from the book:

A Day at a Time (Softcover) by Anonymous

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November 27

The divided self exists in all of us.
--Marie Lindquist

One gift of sobriety is the growing awareness that we are complex, whole individuals, more than just our dark side. Defeated, we came into this program of recovery certain that our lives would be forever fraught with problems. Little in our experience made us proud. Surviving our hateful, painful, and confusing lives was our proudest achievement.

The moment we admit our powerlessness over our drug of choice and over other people, a fresh start commences. Becoming willing to let a Higher Power influence our lives gives us a chance to glimpse the brighter side of our being. We discover it was there all the time.

We'll always have both sides, the dark and the light. We're human. Nevertheless, we tend to strengthen the part of our self that calls to us loudest. Which side we hear is up to us.

I am a complex human being. I have the next 24 hours to live as I choose.

You are reading from the book:

A Woman's Spirit by Karen Casey

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November 28

You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face,
And show the world all the love in your heart,
Then people gonna treat you better.
You're gonna find, yes, you will,
That you're beautiful as you feel.
--Carole King

"Act as if." There's magic in behaving the way we want to be, even though we don't yet feel it. The behavior seems to lead the way. The attitude, the mental state, follows.

Many days we may not get up with love in our hearts for our family, our friends, our co-workers. We may, in fact, want them to show their love for us first. But if we reach out, give love unconditionally, focus on another's needs, love will return tenfold. And the act of loving them will lift our own spirits. We will know love; we will feel love for ourselves and the many other persons close to us.

The attitude we cultivate, whether one of love or selfishness, inferiority or superiority, will determine how the events of our lives affect us. The principle is so simple. If we meet life with love, with a smile, we'll find love and something to smile about.

My attitude will make this day what it becomes. Meeting it head-on, with love, will assure me of a lovely day.

You are reading from the book:

Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey

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November 29

Are you meeting roadblocks to recovery?

A disorder means out of order, not the way things should be. Are we convinced that addictive behavior is counter to the way we are intended to function? Or do we harbor, somewhere in the back of our minds, the idea that we'll never change our habits?

Fear of change, unwillingness to change, and lack of confidence in our ability to change are all roadblocks to recovery. Believing in our capabilities is the first step toward clearing those roadblocks and realizing our potential in recovery.

Somewhere along the line we developed an addiction, but we don't have to be under its power forever. We can think about what a Higher Power would want for us, and we can decide to move toward that positive goal.

The roadblocks of fear, unwillingness, and lack of confidence will give way as we immerse ourselves in the Twelve Step program. We need help, and we have help. We give help, and we receive it. Changing to constructive habits may be slow sometimes, but it's always possible.

If I'm faced with a roadblock today, I will call on my spiritual resources.

You are reading from the book:

Inner Harvest by Elisabeth L.

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November 30

If the best man's faults were written on his forehead, it would make him pull his hat over his eyes.
--Gaelic proverb

When we deal with our faults and imperfections, we are dealing with the basic issues of being a person. We can become bitter and cynical about the imperfections of others, or we can realize every person is incomplete but growing, just as we are. The way we look at the faults in others and the way we look at our own are closely tied together. In our spiritual journey, we must begin with the premise that no person ever achieves perfection.

Perfection apparently is not what this life is about at all, since perfection is nonexistent. We are lovable, and we can love in the process of living our lives. Since we are not perfect, we have to be accountable. We must have standards for our behavior and hold ourselves to those standards, admitting our mistakes and making repairs where we can.

I will try to acknowledge my mistakes and give up the idea of ever becoming perfect.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous