Open Mind/Unmade Mind

[MajestyJo]

Keep an unmade mind instead of a mind made up.

- Walk Softly and Carry a Big Book

So often, I find myself thinking of the worst scenario. I keep expecting the same thing to happen over and over again, and yet I know that with my God, things can be different this time.

When my son is in recovery, I often think this time he's finally got it, only to have him relapse again. I was projecting into the future and putting my hopes and dreams on him.

What we put out, we get back. If I think negative, I attract it. If I think the worst will happen, then there is a good chance it will.

I love the phrase "keep an unmade mind." I use to think of my mind unmade all the time, and thought of it cluttered and chaotic instead of a good thing. Like putting it on the shelf because some day I may need it. There was a lot of stuff on that shelf, because I didn't like dusting. Now I have learned to clean up my thoughts, and every once in a while I throw an idea away or I bring it into my life as part of my daily living.

It is like trying to find something you have misplaced and you search the whole house and can't find it. When I stop, say a prayer, ask for help, and follow my actions, I am generally led to where it is. Often, it is right near me, and I have stopped beside it not knowing or I get up and walk right to it, having been given the thought by my HP. It is unknown until such a time as I take the time to turn it over to my HP. If he leads me to it, He will see me through it. I just have to open my mind to His will and listen for His voice, instead of my own.

Posted on another site in 2011

I forgot about the thought of an unmade mind. It conjures up some food for thought. When I picture my unmade bed and then compare it to my mind, it doesn't leave a very good thought. Being organized and disciplined are not my strong points.

[MajestyJo]

We should learn not to grow impatient with the slow
healing process of time. We should discipline ourselves
to recognize that there are many steps to be taken
along the highway leading from sorrow to renewed
serenity...

--Joshua Loth Liebman

For me recovery is about two things, healing and change.

Although I suffered physical violence, the emotional and mental scars go much deeper and take longer to heal.

Originally posted on another site in 2004.

There is no visible scar, and often we don't know that it is there, but the body does remember and it will surface one way or the other.

I think that it is the reason a lot of the abused become abusers.

My problem my friend was that I shut down and shut off my feelings since I saw my brother killed when I was three and he was two. I didn't know what I was doing, but I was told in treatment, that we shut down emotionally when we experience our first traumatic event. That could mean I shout down at one year old because I had a birthmark removed at a year old and was badly burnt and hospitalized for a week at 18 months.

I never felt anything to deal with it. I started long before I became a practicing alcoholic.

As my friend says, "I didn't get this way overnight, I can't expect to heal overnight, this is not a quick fix program. It is a one day at a time program, and I pray each day for the awareness, clarity, inner knowing and healing I need each day and be open to my truth and be honest with myself. Self honesty goes along way toward healing and then I need the acceptance of what is in today and be willing to do what ever it takes in order to recover.

It isn't about the other people in my life. I had to stop the finger that was pointing to others and look at the three fingers coming back at me.