Dr. Twerski's Sober Thought - September

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September 16

Prescription for Tragedy

Sobriety must be guarded with the greatest zeal. Yet various illnesses call for pain-killing medications that can jeopardize sobriety. Not all doctors are aware some drugs must be used with utmost caution. Have the treating physician consult a specialist on addictive disease, so as to plan a treatment that minimizes the risk of relapse. It is also important for the patient to notify his or her sponsor, so that contacts with support people in AA or NA can carry through this difficult period. When appropriate precautions are taken, people in recovery can be adequately treated without risk of relapse.

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September 17

Relapse and Re-entry

Sometimes a person relapses after years of sobriety. This person may have had a solid recovery program and may have been sponsoring others, so returning to the program is not easy. We are apt to feel ashamed. If we recognize addiction as a chronic disease that has been arrested, we can understand vulnerability to relapse exists. It is never safe to lose contact with the program. If a relapse should occur, neither we nor others who are sober should be judgmental. Finally, after we have regained sobriety following relapse, we should be available to help those who have a special problem of re-entry.

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September 18

Couples Need to Recover Together

When we become truly sober, we develop a different lifestyle and new personality. True sobriety involves humility and character growth. It requires self-examination, admission of mistakes, and making amends. If a spouse achieves sobriety and character growth, problems may occur when the nonchemically dependent partner does nothing about his or her own growth, either by involvement in Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, or through counseling. A disparity may develop so instead of everything getting better when the addict recovers, new problems arise. Family programs can be helpful in enabling everyone to maximize individual character strengths and achieve growth.

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September 19

Determination

The wisdom to know the difference. Although we pray for courage to change things that are amenable to change, we are sometimes unable to see that some things are changeable. Our impression may be the challenge is too formidable, or we underestimate our abilities. If we avoid a challenge we are capable of overcoming, we are doing the same thing we did in active addiction. The difference now is we employ avoidance without using a chemical. While we can pray to God to grant us courage, making the effort is our part of the job, not His.

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September 20

Lessons Are Not Always Pleasant

It is better to go to the house of a mourner than to a feast -- Ecclesiastes 7:2. A feast or party can be an escape from reality. If not overdone, escapes can serve a purpose. But for chemically dependent people, such events must be without alcohol. Some overdo partying and divert attention from too many realities, which, if not addressed, get worse. Being in the house of a mourner may not be pleasant. There is the pain of those in grief. But this reminds us of our own mortality. We can't afford to squander time. Partying rarely stimulates anyone to greater achievement.

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September 21

The Benefits of Fellowship

The things that have the greatest effect on how we act are things we think about most but talk about least. Because they are subject to distortion, they can have a detrimental influence on our behavior. Those fortunate enough to belong to a Twelve Step program can share these feelings with a sponsor or several intimate friends in the program, at no cost and at great frequency. People are most foolish not to take full advantage of a fellowship that lets us talk about what we think.

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September 22

Learn From the Past

Reflecting on the past can be either constructive or destructive. Ruminating about something that cannot be undone, or indulging in remorse and guilt, is futile. Since undoing the past is impossible, harping on it and flagellating ourselves does nothing except absorb scarce time and energy. But looking at the mistakes of the past simply to avoid repeating them is constructive. Recognizing our vulnerabilities so that we may be on guard helps prevent repetition of errors. This reflection is not depressing because we look forward to positive achievements. Memories are the key not to the past but to the future.

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September 23

The Courage to Make the Right Change

The Serenity Prayer has been reformulated in a variety of ways, often to clarify it. For example, The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. Even if the pessimist accepted the wind with serenity, the ship would not be moved in the right direction. It will certainly not get there if we sit by and wait for the wind to change. We do not pray to God to change things but, rather, to give us the courage to make the changes. We may pray for the wind to change, but until it does so, we should adjust the sails.

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September 24

Don't Make a Habit of Negativity

Dale Carnegie said, Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -- and most do. According to him, when a person criticizes, condemns, and complains, he is making the public declaration, I am a fool. Obviously, there are times when it is legitimate to do any of these, but when we do these together or habitually, our folly is revealed. We should bear in mind we are all vulnerable to such humiliation. Fortunately, Carnegie has given us a way to avoid this: Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.

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September 25

Flights of Fancy

A philosopher said, Think like a man of action, and act like a man of thought. Animals act according to whatever biological urge they have. Humans should first filter our urges and select only appropriate actions. Some escape into fantasy, like a Walter Mitty, who lived in a make-believe world because he was dissatisfied with reality. Chemical dependency and fantasy are both escapes from reality. Problems in the real world can be resolved only by taking action. Except for brief periods of innocent fantasy, we should limit our thoughts to what we can do.

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September 26

See Yourself Through Someone Else

Discovering character defects is not difficult -- someone else's, that is. The Fourth of the Twelve Steps of recovery consists of taking a moral inventory. Some people have no problem taking this inventory because they take other people's inventories. It is quite simple to discover what everyone else is doing wrong, but rather difficult to pinpoint our own defective behavior. Our rationalization capacities work overtime to justify everything we do. Because we are blind to our own defects, we must enlist the assistance of a trusted friend who cares enough to point out our defects to us.

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September 27

Trust

is essential to any meaningful relationship, but is not easy to come by. Some have been deeply hurt because others violated their trust. In order to protect themselves from further injury, they no longer trust anyone. Absence of all trust results in a loneliness that can be intolerable and may actually contribute to recourse to chemicals. Learn that trust does exist. Allow someone to trust you, and guard that trust zealously. Once you know by virtue of your own experience that trust does exist, you can cautiously begin to trust others. You cannot be the only person in the world who possesses trust. Explore who else does.

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September 28

Self-Reproach Can Be Deceptive

and is not always a virtue. Criticizing ourselves for wrongful behavior can be constructive if it results in our avoiding its repetition. But sometimes we criticize ourselves for less than sincere reasons, like chastising ourselves before someone else has the opportunity to do so. This is self-protection, not self-correction. Recovery frowns on the pity party, by which we elicit sympathy and ward off criticism from others. The Fifth Step requires a sincere admission. A trained Fifth Step listener can alert us if we are deceiving ourselves with self-reproach.

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September 29

Our Animal Instincts

We have virtually all the impulses, drives, and desires animals have, including greed, hostility, and lust. But we differ from animals in that we have the capacity to be masters over ourselves. We can control our animal half, but we cannot eradicate it. When we have done everything within our power to achieve mastery over our biological drives, we can ask God to remove those character traits that we feel are undesirable. God may indeed do so -- or it may be His will for us to continue the struggle, because as we struggle to achieve and maintain mastery, we grow in character and spirituality.

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September 30

Overindulgence

Why do all people not have the normal physiological endpoint to limit their drives? Perhaps because there is one drive that does not have an endpoint -- the drive for spiritual growth. Some try to quell their spiritual craving by indulging in food, alcohol, drugs, sex or riches. None of these can begin to fill the spiritual void. A recovering person said, When I stopped drinking, I discovered a void within me, and that was where God belonged. All indulgences are inappropriate. Growing in spirituality can give us the satisfaction we crave, and allow us to avoid the diseases of indulgence.