Wisdom For Today - October

[bluidkiti]

October 1

Wisdom for Today

When I wake up to a bright new morning and jump out of bed, I can be grateful that I am happy and not sick or disgusted with myself. Sobriety has given me many gifts, but none is more precious than peace of mind. I can get up in the morning confident that I haven’t screwed up again. I can be sure that what I did last night won’t get me in trouble today. I no longer look in the rear view mirror to see if I am being followed. When I was drinking and using, I always was looking back and trying to cover my tracks. Today because of recovery I don’t have to do that anymore.

Yes, I still make mistakes and find that I am still wrong. But I no longer have to run from the past. I can own my mistakes and admit my wrongs. I make amends when needed and know that I now learn from my mistakes. I don’t have to keep repeating my mistakes and trying to hide. Life is about progress now, not living in the past. Am I willing to admit when I am wrong?

Meditations for the Heart

I must rely on the guidance of my Higher Power. I must wait patiently, trusting and hoping for God to show me the way. God reveals His will in many different ways. Sometimes it is in the words that I hear spoken around the table at Twelve Step meetings. Other times I read words in books that reveal God’s will. And still other times it is the words I hear “spoken” in my conscience. I just need to listen, and God will show me the way to a better life. Do I listen for the will of my Higher Power to be revealed?
Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

This is a new day; let me be glad in it. Let me give humble thanks for the way in which You constantly help me. Even when I feel lost, You let me know You are near. Increase in me the desire to listen for Your will for my life. Give me the courage to follow where You lead.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 2

Wisdom for Today

Birthdays, holidays and anniversaries always seemed to be a time when I would get carried away. I didn't mean to get out of control; I just wanted to have a good time. It was a special day, and I deserved it. Invariably I would drink and use too much, and the special day was ruined. Even if I didn't embarrass myself too badly, I would have problems remembering the next day. The things that I could recall weren't always pretty. You would think that my behavior would have been the opposite. You would think I would have been on good behavior because these were special days. Yet this just was not the case.

Even in early recovery, I found that special days and holidays were sometimes difficult. I would once again get caught up in the euphoria that drugs and alcohol would promise. It became important for me to plan how I would deal with these special days ahead of time. Spending time with family that supported my recovery and spending time with my friends around the tables became an important component in my plans. Now I have learned how to really celebrate these special times in recovery, and am I grateful! Do I plan to take care of my recovery on special days?

Meditations for the Heart

Today I celebrate new anniversaries -- Anniversaries of Recovery! There is something truly amazing about speaking up at a meeting and saying, "Yes, I have three months." It is more incredible to say one year, two years, ten years or more. I've been to some conventions and seen people celebrate 20, 30, 40, 50 or more years of being clean and sober. When you talk with these people and ask them how they did it, all of them tell you it is the program and a solid relationship with their Higher Power. What are you doing to make these special days happen in your life?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Every day is special when it is lived clean and sober. Each day I receive is truly a gift from You. Let me treat this day as something special and enjoy the gift that it is. Help me daily recommit myself to the Twelve Steps and to a stronger relationship with You.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 3

Wisdom for Today

Each day I face new choices. Some of these choices are easy, and others are more difficult. I used to do a simple cost-benefit analysis to make my decisions. For the most part this worked fine. I simply needed to determine what a particular choice would cost me physically, emotionally, financially or socially. Next I would figure what the benefits would be and then do that which made more sense. I began to realize that this process did not always accomplish what I wanted it to achieve. Even when I thought the choices I made were good, I found out that they did not produce the desired results. Something was missing.

Too often I was leaving my Higher Power out of the equation. I was not evaluating the choices I faced in light of my values. When I started to make a conscious effort to include my values and the will of my Higher Power in my decision-making, then I found that I was at peace. I could live with my decisions and know that I had done what was best for me in each situation. I’m not saying this made choice making any easier, but it did make the choices clear. Do I pray for “knowledge of His will” and the power to carry that out?

Meditations for the Heart

Learning to accept the struggles in life and realizing that God will walk with me in every struggle has made my life better. It is a matter of faith and reliance on my Higher Power. Trusting God to be there for me has not always been easy, nor has it always resulted in the outcome I would expect. Frequently I am surprised by the fact that the outcome was not at all what I had hoped for, but I have clear evidence that God gave me the strength and courage to deal with the struggle. I have found that often times I gain strength by simply admitting I am weak and need help. I guess that is why my sponsor kept telling me to, “turn it over.” Am I learning to “practice these principles in all my affairs?”

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Each day brings new challenges and new triumphs. Help me to admit when I need help and to turn to those people that You lead me to for help. Give me a humble heart and mind, so that I may be grateful for the small and large triumphs I experience in my day. When I face new choices in life, let me turn to You first for help in making my decisions.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 4

Wisdom for Today

Last night I had a dream. It was not a very pleasant dream because it took me back to my drinking and using. Today, I know that I am not alone and that there have been many others just like me who have had these dreams. Even years into recovery I still find that on some level I still think like an addict and alcoholic. I don't know why I would expect it to be any different. For years and years I poured alcohol into my gut. I spent day after day thinking and behaving like an addict. With all this conditioning, I doubt my mind will ever be free of addict thoughts. They come to the surface from time to time still. Sometimes in dreams and other times in conscious thoughts, the addict and alcoholic inside me still come out to play.

The program has taught me that this is normal, but more importantly it has taught me to think clean and sober thoughts. I need these thoughts to counteract the unproductive and destructive thoughts that the addict inside me still has. I have learned over time that my clean and sober thoughts need to be much stronger and more convincing than the addicted thoughts I still get. Yes, it has gotten easier over time. In fact my clean and sober thoughts have become a very powerful weapon in my recovery. These healthy and wise thoughts keep me motivated to keep what I have gained and seek out what is still to come from learning to live again - clean and sober. Do I have healthy thinking to combat the addicted voice still inside?

Meditations for the Heart

When I hear people at meetings talking, I listen for that voice of addiction that still talks. If I hear that voice, I find myself knowing that I too have the same voice inside. I used to feel fearful when I would hear this voice. No longer, for I find a greater need to be responsible and speak up. I needed people to point out my crazy thinking. Now I feel a need to give back. So I speak up and expose the voice for what it is. I do not know where the courage to do this initially came from, but I know that being responsible and helping others has helped me greatly. Now I can look back and recognize that the courage was a gift from my Higher Power. Do I pray for courage to help others, just as I was once helped?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

This day I do not know where my thoughts will take me. Let me stand strong in my clean and sober thinking. Give me courage to speak out strongly against my own addictive thinking. Let me also be responsible and speak out when I hear addiction speaking in others.
Amen

[bluidkiti]

October 5

Wisdom for Today

There is an inner dialog that goes on in the mind of every addict and alcoholic. This inner dialog goes on between the “sober self” and the “addicted self.” Much of this inner dialog occurs at a subconscious level, and other parts of this dialog occur on a conscious level. Sometimes I am not even aware that this conversation is going on, and at other times it is right in my face. I can be sitting at a meeting and someone will share something that unconsciously triggers the addict's voice inside of me. I hear this voice telling me that the story that the other person shared, "doesn't apply to me." Or maybe it will say that, "He can't help me."

You see this addict alcoholic voice does not always get me thinking about drinking or using. Sometimes it gets me thinking about how the program can't help me. These are thoughts I can not harbor for long. This is where the "sober voice" must speak up and speak up loudly. I need to have a strong sober voice inside that convinces me not to listen to that other voice. Here, too, I need to not only listen to the sober voice inside of me, but I also need to listen to others in the program and I also need to listen to my Higher Power. This is perhaps the most powerful voice I can listen to. Do I recognize the inner dialog I have going on inside? Do I listen to the strong sober voices? Do I also heed the voice of my Higher Power?

Meditations for the Day

Change is not always quick. Sometimes it is painfully slow. Today I know that it is necessary for me to endure the slow pace that change sometimes takes. By learning patience and endurance, I grow. And the change I experience has always been worth it. Sometimes I have had a difficult time seeing this. Sometimes the voice of addiction can make it harder for me to see change as a good thing. But I know that if I hang in there, the promises of change that the program offers are a good thing. Am I willing to learn patience and endurance?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Let me sit quietly this morning and listen for Your voice in my life. Strengthen the inner voice of my "sober self." Let me learn to listen to others in meeting and draw on their strength and wisdom as I fight the good fight against the inner voice of addiction. Help me this day to do the next right thing and to follow You on the path You lay before me.

Amen

[bluidkiti]

October 6

Wisdom for Today

On a dark and gloomy night, the lights of our old haunts can look very inviting. It is easy to get caught up in the memories of the good times we had. I would party until the wee hours of the morning. Drinking with friends, the camaraderie seemed so wonderful. It was my fantasies come true. But that was exactly the problem; it was fantasy and not reality. The night would end, and there was always the morning after. My wallet would be empty, and my head would be too full. Most of us have never seen the tavern the morning after with the smell of stale beer and cigarettes. There are a few of us who would frequent these establishments early in the day to stop the shakes in the morning.

When I was actively drinking and using drugs, I never thought about the next morning. I only focused on the night of partying ahead. I never thought about the consequences that might be awaiting me. This is what I must think about now. I must teach myself to think about the long view. When the lights of the tavern or the lights of my old using friends’ houses seem to shine brightly, I must think about the morning after. I can’t afford to think about the glitz and glamour of the fantasy life. I need to stay in reality - the reality that I can’t drink or use. Have I stopped the “magical thinking” about the fantasy life?

Meditations for the Heart

One of the questions I used to ask myself a lot was, “Why me?” I didn’t understand why I couldn’t drink and use like other people. I couldn’t understand why I kept putting others and myself at risk. I couldn’t understand why I was different. As I began my recovery, I continued to ask myself this question, “Why me?” Then one day things changed for me. Rather than asking, “Why me, why can’t I be like other people?” I began to ask, “Why me, why have I been given this opportunity for recovery?” Many addicts and alcoholics die of their disease. Why have I been selected to have another chance at life? My outlook changed as the question changed. I don’t have the answer, but I believe that God must have a plan for me. God wants me to be useful for His purpose. Am I willing to believe that there is a purpose for me in recovery?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Sometimes I still wonder and even question where You are leading me. Help me to trust and have faith that Your plans for me are good. Keep me willing to follow where You lead. Help me to keep a long-term view of drinking and drugging so that I don’t ever forget the morning after.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 7

Wisdom for Today

Man, I loved to party! I loved going out with my drinking buddies and buying them a round. I loved turning other people on. It made me feel important. But I wasn’t doing any of them a favor. Most of the people I hung out with probably were alcoholic or addicted people just like me. Buying them a drink just helped them get drunk. Getting them high just enabled their addiction to progress. I wasn’t really even doing it for them; I was doing it for my own selfish reasons. I needed people around me who would support and endorse my behavior.

When I joined the program, things changed. People genuinely cared and supported me in the changes I needed to make. As I put a few more twenty-four hours under my belt, I was able to return the favor. I was able to share my experience, strength and hope in order to help others. Sometimes I was doing this without even being aware that I was helping. Friends would come up to me after a meeting and say, “I could really relate to what you shared tonight.” As time passed, I was able to become a sponsor to others in the program and could act as a guide through the steps. I was helping others in a genuine, unselfish way, just as I had been helped. Am I willing to help others in the program in an unselfish way? Do I give away what I have been given? This is the fellowship of the Twelve Step program.

Meditations for the Heart

You can’t teach a child to learn how to really ride a bike if they refuse to take the training wheels off. It is a clear indication that they do not trust. Similarly, God cannot teach us if we do not trust. We have to let go of our fears and learn to trust our Higher Power. There are two blocks to trusting in our Higher Power. The first one is that we do not trust ourselves. We say, “I can’t do that.” We convince ourselves that we are not capable of accomplishing anything. The second block happens when we say, “God won’t be there for us when we need Him.” Learning to trust that God cares for us is not always easy. But recovery can’t happen if we hang onto our stubborn, self-defeating beliefs. It can’t really happen if we refuse “to take the training wheels off.” Do I trust that God will be by my side each step of the way in this new life I’ve been given?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Today let me accept the help that is offered to me, and let me reach out to others by sharing my experience, strength and hope. When I get stubborn, remind me to trust. Teach me to use the steps in my life as a guide to solving my problems.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 8

Wisdom for Today

All addicts and alcoholics in recovery will face times when cravings or urges to drink or use will come into our life. For most of us this tends to happen early on in our recovery attempts. This is when that “voice of addiction” screams the loudest. But, even if we make it through these times, we are not immune from having cravings or urges to use come back into our lives. There is little we can do to change our physical response to abstinence. Our brains simply tell us that we are hungry or thirsty. When we experience drug hunger or get thirsty for a drink, we must act wisely and use the tools we are given in the program. We have to tell on our disease; we need to reach out and call someone who understands and talk it through. It will pass. However, when we get caught up in magical thinking and euphoric recall, it is easy to set ourselves up to fail. When I think about drinking or using, that “voice of addiction” reminds me of the good times. The fun I used to have and the camaraderie of my drinking buddies is what I want to focus on. This is dangerous.

I must train myself to remember the hard times and the consequences of my use. Rather than romancing the high, I must focus on the harm. I have to train myself to do that which seems unnatural to me. It is much easier to think about the good times rather than the bad times. Yet, I have learned that this must be my first defense. I must stop my “stinking thinking” and take action to protect myself from the voice of addiction that whispers in my ear. I need to see that the program can offer me everything that addiction did. I can find friends and laughter at meetings. I can find relief and real answers to my problems. I can find everything I need around the tables and on the phone, talking with people who understand. Do I have a concrete plan in place to deal with cravings or urges?

Meditations for the Heart

I can start each day new. I no longer have to carry the past with me wherever I go. Each new breath I take is a gift from God. For this I must be grateful. I can choose to keep walking in shame, or I can accept the forgiveness that God offers. If God only gave forgiveness to “good” people, where is the need for it? I believe that my Higher Power gives me forgiveness when I ask for it. It is His grace that provides this gift. I also need to respect the gift that is offered through my genuine desire to change the things I can. Recovery does not demand perfection, only progress. I must look carefully at each of the choices I make and ask myself, “What does God want me to do?” I must choose wisely. I know I will never get it perfect, but I can improve each day and with each breath. Do I recognize that God can and will forgive me?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Today I need to be reminded of Your will for me. With each breath I take and each choice I face today, remind me of Your presence. Give me the courage and wisdom to make healthy choices each step of the way. Help me to both ask for and accept Your forgiveness in my life.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 9

Wisdom for Today

Somewhere along the way, I started to develop commonsense. This was not something I had when I was actively using alcohol and drugs. But in recovery I began to learn that if I drank or used drugs, it ended in trouble. More importantly, commonsense told me that if I could no longer drink or use drugs, then the only alternative was sobriety. I found out that I could not simply switch from one drug to another. It was not a matter of stopping the liquor and only drinking beer. I simply had to stop everything. I wasn’t addicted to just one and not the other. I was addicted to changing my reality in ways that destroyed me. Commonsense said I had to stop it all.

I learned other commonsense things as well in recovery. In order to stop my insanity, I had to do more than just stay clean and sober; I had to change my lifestyle. I had to be open to doing things differently. I had to be willing to change. I had to rely on a Power greater than I. My way didn’t work. I had to find a new way of living. This is where the Twelve Steps came into play. These steps taught me how to live. Am I willing to learn commonsense?

Meditations for the Heart

Today as I look out my window, I see that the leaves are starting to change color. The air is crisp, and I am reminded of an important lesson. Soon the leaves will be gone, and the chill of winter will arrive. But now I have much to do if the trees are to bear fruit next year. Branches must be cut, and limbs pruned. The dead wood must be cut away, so that next spring new buds will bear fruit. Recovery is like this. If we are to have strong growth in the new spring of our life, we must prune away the dead wood. I had no idea how to do this effectively. I had to ask for help; I needed someone to show me how to do it properly, or I risked killing the tree completely. If I did nothing at all to the tree, there was a good chance that it would not bear any fruit in the coming year. Am I willing to cut away the dead wood in my life to bear fruit in the spring of my recovery? Am I willing to ask for help and to be shown how to do the job right? Do I realize I have to do this, not just once, but each year in order to keep growing?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

You walk with me in each season of my life. Help me to be willing to let You prune away the parts of my behavior that get in the way of new growth. Lead me to the people that can teach me commonsense. Help me to bear good fruit in the renewal of my life.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 10

Wisdom for Today

Trouble and more trouble were all I was getting from my alcohol and drug use. Yes, there were those brief moments when I would experience some relief from the insanity of my use; but trouble invariably followed. When I was using alcohol or drugs, problems would occur. When I wasn’t using, I didn’t feel right. I had to use just to feel normal. In spite of all the consequences and problems, I held onto the belief that somehow, someway, drugs and alcohol could bring me happiness.

I started to go to Twelve Step meetings. At first I looked at how I was different from everyone else. I wanted to find a reason that made me different from all “those” people. What I found was that I was different in only one way. They were happy, and I wasn’t. I listened as person after person told of the problems they had experienced because of using. I listened as they told of how the program had helped them to resolve their problems. I watched them laugh, and I watched them speak of the triumphs they had in recovery. Do I want what the program offers? Do I believe that alcohol and drugs are poison for me?

Meditations for the Heart

“Throw me a rope, God. Get me out of this hole, and I promise I will be different.” This kind of prayer never worked for me, because I always wanted a different kind of rope. I didn’t want to accept the help that God was so freely willing to provide. In recovery I have learned that there are two ends to that rope. On one end is my willingness and faith to grab onto the rope and hold on for dear life. On the other end of the rope is God’s power. I can come up with all kinds of reasons not to grab the rope or even let go of the rope, but it is only when I learn to trust that God indeed has the power to help me and wants to help me that rescue seems possible. Am I still trying to get out of that hole all by myself?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Today I want to learn to trust in Your power to help me in my struggles. Teach me to trust and rely on Your power. Show me that I can’t do this without Your help. Give me the strength I need to hold on to recovery today.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 11

Wisdom for Today

Sometimes life just isn’t fair. When one problem after another seems to be piled on each other, it is easy to get frustrated, depressed or overwhelmed. It is easy to get caught up in the furious pace of trying to “fix” things or react in a way that makes you just want to give up. The road of recovery is not always an easy one. It’s easy to go to meetings and complain that the program isn’t working. This has happened to me on more than one occasion. When there are a lot of bumps and curves in the road, I can start to complain to my sponsor, or other recovering people, or friends and even God that it just isn’t fair.

Fortunately, these people who care about me remind me that no one promised that life would be fair. No one says it has to be fair. I am reminded that in difficult times I will not always experience the outcome that I want, but I will always be given the strength to deal with whatever happens. I am reminded to look at my expectations. I am reminded to ask for God’s will to be done in my life. Yes, I still need to do the footwork; but I also need to ask for help and direction. I am repeatedly amazed at what happens when I “let go and let God.” Do I still want to control life? Do I still try to manipulate to get what I want?

Meditations for the Heart

Sometimes the emotions in response to life’s struggles can get overwhelming. I can get wrapped up in sadness, self-pity, resentment and fear. When these powerful emotions rise to the surface and begin to determine how I respond to events in my life, I need to get out of my “gut” and get into my head. One of the slogans in the program is, “ Think! Think! Think!” Yes, thinking can be dangerous for addicts and alcoholics, particularly when it becomes “stinking thinking.” But this slogan reminds me to be wise. In the Serenity Prayer, we say the words, “the wisdom to know the difference.” When emotions become crazy, it is vital for my existence to think wisely. It is the only way to make decisions that are healthy. I can’t afford to let rage, or depression, or fear or self-pity make decisions for me. Do I know when and how to think wisely?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
As I walk through this day, keep me on the path of recovery. Help me to be wise in the decisions I face. Give me the strength I need to deal with the problems that come into my life. Give me wisdom to avoid making problems worse by reacting emotionally rather than responding intelligently.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 12

Wisdom for Today

There was no way that I ever would have learned how to stay clean and sober on my own. All I wanted to do was get wasted. I wanted to drink and use more than anything else. If I ever was going to get into recovery and stay there, I had to learn to want something else more than I wanted to get high. I had no idea what it would be like to live life without drugs and alcohol. I thought it would be boring. I thought it would be painful. I thought it would be lonely. At first I know that it simply was faith that kept me clean and sober -- faith that there could be a better way to live my life. I don't think I really believed that I could be happy, but it had to be better than the self-destructive insanity that I was living in.

As I started to go to meetings, I saw over and over that the people there were happy. Yes, many of them still had problems; but they were happy. Slowly I began to want what they had. I wanted to find that inner peace, and I wanted to find out how they got it. I began to want recovery more than I wanted to get high. I began to want to go to meetings more than I wanted to go to the tavern. Soon I found that my life was going better. I no longer dreaded waking up in the morning. I actually began to look forward to the day. I looked forward to going to meetings. I began to enjoy the camaraderie of the fellowship. I felt like I belonged. I felt like people really cared about me. I also began to feel like God really cared about me. I began to really like what was happening to me, and I wanted to keep it more than I wanted to drink or use. Do I want recovery more than I want my addiction?

Meditations for the Heart

Impatience was something that followed me into recovery. I had walked though life in a very self-centered manner. My attitude was, "I want what I want, and I want it right now." Learning to wait was hard for me. I never liked standing in line, unless I was first in line. I never could wait till my next party-time. I always wanted it now. My sponsor encouraged me to begin to pray for patience. Then one day it seemed as if everything that could go wrong did. Family problems, car problems and work problems all in the same day! That night I went to a meeting and told everyone there about the miserable day I had. I wanted my friends to feel sorry for me. As people around the tables began to comment, each of them talked about similar bad days and how the program helped them. Then this old-timer, sitting across from me, said, "It sounds like God gave you many opportunities today to practice patience." Not what I wanted to hear, but it was what I needed to hear! My impatience through the day made me miserable. It was me that had made things so bad, not the events of the day. Have I learned to be quietly patient?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Some days I just want to throw in the towel. I feel like giving up. On the days that I struggle, remind me that You have a plan for me. Teach me to be patient and wait for Your will to be done in my life. Strengthen my faith each day that life in recovery will indeed make my life better. Give me that inner peace I seek.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 13

Wisdom for Today

When I look back at my life when I was actively drinking and using drugs, I really have to wonder what I really wanted. What was it about my slavery to addiction that kept me coming back? It certainly wasn't the hospitals, or jail or the pain. I wonder sometimes why I even wanted that life at all. But when you are a slave, you do what your master commands. I turned my will and my life over to the care of alcohol and drugs. It was pure insanity. As a slave to addiction I had no power; I simply did what I had to do - get wasted. There was no other choice; at least I didn't think so.

Then one day I walked into a meeting. I expected to find more slaves who had been beaten by the disease. But to my surprise what I found were people just like me who had come to know freedom. They were free of the chains of addiction. It no longer had a hold on them. I couldn't understand how this could be. I kept going to meetings and seeing these people. Their freedom continued. I wanted to be free of the bondage as well. Finally in a moment of courageous fear, I asked, "How did you get free?" The answer was a real surprise: "I am only free for one day - one day at a time." Today I understand this answer, and each and every day I have to remember if I want to keep my freedom, I must be responsible for my recovery. Am I willing to be responsible for my freedom one day at a time?

Meditations for the Heart

My spiritual life must be centered on God. I must remain conscious of my desire to gain a closer relationship with my Higher Power and seek His will. I need to realize that this is my responsibility. Today I believe that God has always been there for me. He is always by my side. Yet even when He is so close, I can shut my eyes and not know He is there. I have to work at improving my conscious contact with God. It is a part of what recovery is about. Recovery does not simply happen; it must be worked for. In the program you hear the slogan, "It works if you work it." Am I being responsible and working my program?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Today I must be responsible for my recovery. I am glad that I only need to do this one day at a time. What I am most grateful for is knowing that I do not have to do this alone. I have You by my side, and I have many people in the program who will help me. Let me remember that it was You who loosed the bonds of addiction from me. Help me each day that I walk this path.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 14

Wisdom for Today

Once in a while I can't help but think that I should be able to go back and drink or use again. After all, I have been clean and sober for a long time, and I know all about addiction and what to watch out for. But this kind of crazy thinking will only get me in trouble. I must remember that I am an alcoholic and an addict. It is important that I remind myself that I have a disease each day. I must remember all the times I tried to control my use but failed. I must remember that I can still fall back into the trap of denial.

Somewhere along the way I went too far. I went past the point of no return. I am not really sure when that happened, but I am convinced that I not only passed it but went far past it. I cannot ever go back. I need to remind myself that I already had enough and then some. I know that I cannot go back. My only choice is to move forward in recovery. Have I stopped looking back?

Meditations for the Heart

Somewhere along the line I read the story called, "Footprints in the Sand." I was very impressed with this story because I suddenly realized the number of times that God carried me. By all rights I should have been dead. The number of close calls I had was astounding. But by the grace of God I walk though life today. Even in recovery I am amazed at how many times my Higher Power carries me through the difficult times and struggles I still face. Sometimes I forget just how close my Higher Power is. I need to remember that God is always near and freely gives me what I need. My job is only to improve my conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will and the power to carry that out. Do I believe that a Higher Power will help me along the way?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Sometimes I can still get mixed up with crazy thinking. Help me to recognize when I stray from the path of healthy thinking, and redirect me so I can continue on this path of recovery. Help me to recognize all the times that I am helped by Your power. Walk with me this day, for I never know when I will need Your help.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 15

Wisdom for Today

It was like I had a one-track mind, like a speeding train that was always heading in the direction of self-destruction. Yes, I did a lot of things right -- I went to work, I played with the kids, I helped out around the house, but always in the back of my mind was getting wasted. Everything I did was solely for the purpose of being able to drink or drug. I became obsessed with altering my reality. I continued down the track until my train derailed. Each time my train crashed, it was not pretty; and each time it got worse. Still I would patch things back together and get right back on the same track. This was the insanity of my addiction -- doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.
In recovery I have learned that I do not need to get back on that train today. I do not have to be obsessed with changing my reality. I do not have to get wasted or destroy my life. The program has truly given me new choices. Yes, I can still try to use my old ways to solve problems; or I can use the steps and the principles of the program. I have learned that there is really very little in life that I do control, but I do control how I respond to life's situations and struggles. I can choose to respond with wisdom, or I can choose to respond with insanity. I do have a choice. Do I seek out wisdom in responding to life's struggles?

Meditations for the Heart

Each morning I try to start my day apart from the busy hustle and bustle of the day and spend time with God. It really is not so much the prayers I say that has created change in my life as much as simply spending time with God. It is this relationship that has led me down a path to wisdom. Simply put, seeking after God's will for me forces me to find wisdom. I used to think that following God's will was hard. What I have found out is that following God's will actually makes life easier. I do not do this perfectly, and I still make plenty of mistakes, but I know in my heart that I have made tremendous progress over time. Am I taking quiet time to walk with my Higher Power each day?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Today I seek Your will for my life. Help me to be quiet and listen for the wisdom that You will provide. Help me to think through life's struggles and see the choices I have. Give me the courage to choose to be healthy today.
Amen.