Dr. Twerski's Sober Thought - June

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June 16

Some Lessons Must Be Overcome

There is a folk saying, Someone who burns his tongue on hot soup will blow on cold soup. Although understandable, this response is inappropriate, because we react to a non-threat as though it were a threat. Some may relate they are afraid of trying a new relationship because of the pain of a previous rejection. While they crave companionship, they are afraid of it. When such reactions occur, it is important to recognize them and overcome them. The situation may contribute to chemical addiction, but even in the absence of chemical use, the result may be withdrawal, loneliness, or depression.

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June 17

What We Gain From Addiction

A philosopher who recovered from chemical addiction explained mistakes of addiction enhance the quest for spirituality: Our resentments can teach us where to be forgiving; our self-centeredness can teach us where to be loving; fear can teach us when to trust. The barrier of our self-will will teach us what to give up; consequences of our self-will will teach us why to give up; self-contradiction of our self-will will teach us how to give up. Following the recovery program constitutes growth. We are learning something new, and novelty can be exciting. Pursuing the goals of recovery makes recovery a fascinating process.

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June 18

Our Image Obsession

Our culture is obsessed with external appearances. People who feel they are not attractive think they cannot compete for affection, and are apt to think that appearance is all they have to offer. Either way, they lose. We need to think of our importance as a human being. It is not what we look like, but who and what we are. These are the issues that belong to the realm of spirituality. Recovery from addiction requires attention to spiritual growth. Spirituality refers to the full development of our human capacities. These capacities include almost everything other than external appearance.

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June 19

Keeping Life in Perspective

Not all unpleasantness can be dismissed. Someone offered a guide: Don't sweat the small stuff. It's all small stuff. However, it's not small when you are fired, your child gets hurt, you lose someone you love, or you discover your child is on drugs. Even real small stuff, like a cinder in the eye, cannot be dismissed lightly. A better guide is, You may not be able to stop the birds of sadness from flying over your head, but you don't have to let them nest in your hair. Whether it is big or small stuff, we must realize we have the capacity to cope and adjust.

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June 20

We Can Always Use a Lift

Whatever message we hear about recovery or spirituality is going to meet our needs that day. A man tried to be a controlled drinker, and told his wife, Give me a drink only when I need it. She asked, How am I to know when you need it? When you give it to me, I need it. What is true of chemicals for the addict is true of recovery material for the recovering person. There is always a need for a message to enhances self-esteem, shed resentments, or increase spirituality. With the program, much more comes along. Therefore, any thought about recovery can have a great effect.

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June 21

Is Addiction Insanity?

Why do AA and NA refer to addiction as insanity? After chemical use, we often behave destructively; and the aftermath is misery, both physical and emotional. We say, Never again, yet the pattern recurs. Is this anything other than insane? If we know we are prone to episodes of insanity, we will make a maximum effort to prevent such episodes. Some physical diseases can be prevented by immunization or medication. Relapse of addiction is prevented by remaining involved in the recovery program. Delaying program participation until you have relapsed is foolish.

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June 22

Character Growth and Sobriety

It is possible scientists may develop medications to eliminate craving for chemicals and prevent intoxication. If research is successful, we may have fewer instances of drunk driving and disorderly conduct. But we may well have many more dry drunks, or people who think they are perfectly healthy. The character defects of addiction can exist in abstinence of chemical use. Thus, the recovery program is necessary to enable us to make a better adjustment to life. Even with abstinence, we should continue the recovery program to ensure our character development and spiritual growth.

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June 23

You Can't Control the Future

Someone said: God's real providence has endowed us human beings with a considerable capability for foresight, and He evidently expects us to use it. He possibly never heard of one day at a time. This is a quote from Bill Wilson, who had a better grasp of the program than most people do. Failure to plan for the future is irresponsible, but there is a difference between planning for the future and trying to control the future. In active addiction we ignore the future. In sobriety, we do whatever we can to the best of our ability, and then turn things over to a Higher Power.

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June 24

No One Owes Us Anything

Feeling sorry for ourselves may be justified. The point is we should not get stuck in a pity party because it can drag us down. We may think, The world must compensate me for my suffering. We may then wait for good luck to come knocking, and be angry at the world for not delivering what we think we deserve. No one owes you anything. Fortunately, people pitch in during times of misfortune, but they don't owe it to you. If they don't fulfill your expectations, you have no right to be resentful. Feeling hurt is understandable, but we must move on in life.

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June 25

Futile Gestures

Recovery teaches us to avoid futile reactions. During a driving lesson, the car in front abruptly stopped, and I screamed. The instructor said, Apply the brakes. As a learning driver, I had not yet adopted the correct response of braking. This is similar to taking a chemical in response to stress. It is not only futile but, if we allow it to substitute for the correct reaction, will bring negative consequences. Recovering people learn to avoid useless reflex responses, and to do what it takes to get the job done. As we dispense with futile attempts to solve problems by chemicals, we also discard other ineffective responses.

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June 26

The Power of Empathy

Good manners can make liars out of us. We ask, How are you? upon meeting someone, but do not wish to hear the answer. However, a person in recovery who asks makes time for me, when I need it most. Where else is such instant service available, and with such sincere interest? People who wish to relieve themselves of an emotional burden often will pay a professional to listen. In the recovery program we get this service free. Well, not completely free, because we have to return the favor. How wonderful to have a psychological barter system.

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June 27

Make a Gift to God

Helping others is important to maintaining sobriety. A speaker told of the miracle of his recovery. Some of his friends had died in addiction. He said, My sobriety is God's gift to me, and when I work with newcomers, that is my gift to God. What need could He possibly have of any gift from us? Why can't we think of God as being pleased with what we do for Him and enjoying the gifts of His children? The importance of giving something to God is the effect it has upon us -- an expression of gratitude and an indication of how much we value our sobriety.

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June 28

You Cannot Force a First Step

Today's young people may not have experienced consequences of more advanced addiction, and the idea of surrender is alien. They are likely to insist they can still drink or use chemicals recreationally. If we try to force a First Step we are likely to get resistance. Realization that half measures avail nothing can come only from experience. Be just a bit more patient and allow the individual to come to his or her own realization about unmanageability. This is more likely to keep the young person coming back to meetings. In this way, denial is likely to erode and acceptance likely to occur.

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June 29

Can You Become a New Person?

Twenty years ago, a speaker said, The man I was drank; the man I was will drink again. Abstinence without a change in character leads to use of chemicals again. Some express anxiety that sobriety will result in a new personality. How will they adjust? How will their spouse adjust? Observing successful recoveries can provide reassurance. The transformation of a chemically dependent person into a sober person is miraculous. I had the pleasure of attending the 40th anniversary of sobriety for the speaker mentioned above. He indeed has undergone a miraculous transformation.

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June 30

Real Change Requires Real Change

One woman, ten days abstinent, stated she dreaded relapse. She was under pressure to drink because there is drinking at her job and at social functions, which she did not want to give up. She did not have her priorities in order. If you do not eliminate factors people, places, and things -- conducive to drinking, risk of relapse is great. We make sacrifices when we realize that life is at stake. If you are reluctant to make changes to avoid a relapse, it is only because you have not realized how lethal addiction is. We must learn to put first things first.