NA Just for Today - June 2014

[MajestyJo]

June 1

Keep Coming Back

"We don't have to be clean when we get here but, after the first meeting, we suggest that newcomers keep coming back and come back clean. We don't have to wait for an overdose or a jail sentence to get help from Narcotics."

Basic Text, p. 10

Very few of us arrive in NA brimming with willingness. Some of us are here because we are court-ordered to attend. Some have come to save our families. Some come in an effort to salvage a career teetering on the brink of ruin. It doesn't matter why we are here. It only matters that we are.

We have heard it said that "if we bring the body, the mind will follow." We may come to meetings with a chip on our shoulders. We may be one of those who sits in the back of the rooms with our arms folded across our chest, glaring threateningly at anyone who approaches us. Perhaps we leave before the final prayer.

But if we keep coming back, we find that our minds begin to open up. We start to drop our guard, and begin to really listen when others share. We may even hear someone talking with whom we can relate. We begin the process of change.

After some time in NA, we find that more than our minds have arrived in our meeting rooms. More importantly, our hearts have arrived, too. After that happens, the miracles really begin.

Just for today: I will strive to listen with an open mind to what I hear shared.

Heard in the rooms of recovery, "Keep coming so you don't have to come back." So many take it as permission to go back out and come when they are ready, unfortunately, many don't live to make it back.

[MajestyJo]

June 2

Sick And Tired

"We wanted an easy way out.... When we did seek help we were only looking for the absence of pain."

Basic Text, p. 5

Something's not working. In fact, something's been wrong for a long time, causing us pain and complicating our lives. The problem is that, at any given moment, it always appears easier to continue bearing the pain of our defects than to submit to the total upheaval involved in changing the way we live. We may long to be free of pain, but only rarely are we willing to do what's truly necessary to remove the source of pain from our lives.

Most of us didn't begin seeking recovery from addiction until we were "sick and tired of being tired and sick." The same is true of the lingering character defects we've carried through our lives. Only when we can't bear our shortcomings one moment longer, only when we know that the pain of change can't be as bad as the pain we're in today, are most of us willing to try something different.

Thankfully, the steps are always there, no matter what we're sick and tired of. The irony is that, as soon as we make the decision to begin the Twelve Step process, we realize our fears of change were groundless. The steps offer a gentle program of change, one step at a time. No single step is so frightening that we can't work it, by itself. As we apply the steps to our lives, we experience a change that frees us.

Just for today: No matter what prevents me from living a full, happy life, I know the program can help me change, a step at a time. I need not be afraid of the Twelve Steps.

That is how I felt when I came into recovery. I have been feeling the same feelings recently because of my pain that doesn't seem to let up, and yet when I get those feelings, I know I need to turn to my program.

[MajestyJo]

June 3

Direct And Indirect Amends

"We make our amends to the best of our ability."

Basic Text, p. 40

The Ninth Step tells us to make direct amends wherever possible. Our experience tells us to follow up those direct amends with long - lasting changes in our attitudes and our behavior - that is, with indirect amends. For example, say we've broken someone's window because we were angry. Looking soulfully into the eyes of the person whose window we've broken and apologizing would not be sufficient. We directly amend the wrong we've done by admitting it and replacing the window - we mend what we have damaged.

Then, we follow up our direct amends with indirect amends. If we've acted out on our anger, breaking someone's window, we examine the patterns of our behavior and our attitudes. After we repair the broken window, we seek to repair our broken attitudes as well - we try to "mend our ways." We modify our behavior, and make a daily effort not to act out on our anger.

We make direct amends by repairing the damage we do. We make indirect amends by repairing the attitudes that cause us to do damage in the first place, helping insure we won't cause further damage in the future.

Just for today: I will make direct amends, wherever possible. I will also make indirect amends, "mending my ways," changing my attitudes, and altering my behavior.

Amends were so important, especially about the part of not hurting others. That also included hurting me and making an amend to my God.

Indirect amends was getting involved in service. There were too many people long gone, or were in my life for a short time and their names were forgotten, so what I could do or say to them, I got involved with service, at the local jail, detox, recovery houses, community service, sharing my story at meetings, and just going to a meeting and sharing my experience, strength, and hope. I first got started at my home group in the kitchen and setting up the meetings and taking them down, secretary, literature, hospitals and institutions, General Service Rep and Inter-Group Rep. I also got involved with the Help Line and sponsored or was a temporary sponsor until they found someone who could give them the time they needed.

I truly don't think I would be clean and sober in today if it wasn't for service.

[MajestyJo]

June 4

Build, Don't Destroy

"Our negative sense of self has been replaced by a positive concern for others."

Basic Text, p. 16

Spreading gossip feeds a dark hunger in us. Sometimes we think the only way we can feel good about ourselves is to make someone else look bad by comparison. But the kind of self-esteem that can be purchased at another's expense is hollow and not worth the price.

How, then, do we deal with our negative sense of self? Simple. We replace it with a positive concern for others. Rather than dwell on our low self-esteem, we turn to those around us and seek to be of service to them. This may seem to be a way of avoiding the issue, but it's not. There's nothing we can do by dwelling on our low sense of self except work ourselves into a stew of self-pity. But by replacing our self-pity with active, loving concern for others, we become the kind of people we can respect.

The way to build our self-esteem is not to tear others down, but to build them up through love and positive concern. To help us with this, we can ask ourselves if we are contributing to the problem or to the solution. Today, we can choose to build instead of destroy.

Just for today: Though I may be feeling low, I don't need to tear someone down to build myself up. Today, I will replace my negative sense of self with a positive concern for others. I will build, not destroy.

Almost left the fellowship(s), because of gossip. As my sponsor use to say, "Jealousy and envy are deadly things." You have put a lot of work into your recovery, they can't have what you have unless they work for it." I didn't see it as work, it was about being willing to live and not die. Most didn't want to do 90 in 90, and I went to two meetings a day for two years, and at 10 years sober, until my health changed, I was doing 7-10 meetings a day because of service.

When I look at how often I come here and share, I am still going to lots of meetings. I laughed, I talked to my Al-Anon sponsor the other day. I said, "I probably talk and think recovery more than anyone going to a meeting a day."

I was told if you don't have a relationship, best I get involved in service. Service gave purpose to my life, whether people talked about me, shunned me, or talked behind my back. I wasn't there for them. It was what I needed to do for my recovery. I thought it was rather ironic, I didn't want a man in my life and wasn't looking for one and they found me. I had a lot of male friends, because I went to meetings all over the city. I wasn't looking for romance, after all I had been married twice and had been in several abusive relationships, why would I want to do that again. I would get friends with someone and behaviours reminded me of old ones that I had lived through before, and I would end it.

Don't feed the gossip, it will die down without fuel. Talk to the source, don't listen to hear say. Even in today, I don't go down to the common room or sit out on the benches out front of my building, it is all gossip. I don't have time for that.

[MajestyJo]

June 5

Honest Prayer

"Although honesty is difficult to practice, it is most rewarding."

Basic Text, p. 92

How difficult we find it to be honest! Many of us come to NA so confused about what really happened in our lives that it sometimes takes months and years to sort it all out. The truth of our history is not always as we have told it. How can we begin to be more truthful?

Many of us find it the easiest to be honest in prayer. With our fellow addicts, we sometimes find that we have a hard time telling the whole truth. We feel certain that we won't be accepted if we let others know us as we really are. It's hard to live up to the "terminally hip and fatally cool" image so many of us portrayed! In prayer, we find an acceptance from our Higher Power that allows us to open our hearts with honesty.

As we practice this honesty with the God of our understanding, we often find that it has a ripple effect in our communications with others. We get in the habit of being honest. We begin to practice honesty when we share at meetings and work with others. In return, we find our lives enriched by deepening friendships. We even find that we can be more honest with ourselves, the most important person to be truthful with!

Honesty is a quality that is developed through practice. It isn't always easy to be totally truthful, but when we begin with our Higher Power, we find it easier to extend our honesty to others.

Just for today: I will be honest with God, myself, and others.

A good reading, so true. It is why I need to get honest with me, with my God, before I can truly be honest with others.

So many times, when in a hurry, my prayers are said in rote, and sometimes they are okay, depending on the circumstances, as long as they are said with faith and an honest desire to not go back to old ways of being. Sometimes in a rush we say a prayer, but it is much better to take time, pray and remember that God answers knee mail.

[MajestyJo]

June 6

Recovery Doesn't Happen Overnight

"The Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous are a progressive recovery process established in our daily living."

Basic Text, p. 96

After some time in recovery, we may find we are faced with what seem like overwhelming personal problems, angry feelings, and despair. When we realize what's going on, we may wail, "But I've been working so hard. I thought I was..." Recovered, maybe? Not hardly. Over and over, we hear that recovery is an ongoing process and that we are never cured. Yet we sometimes believe that if we just work our steps enough, pray enough, or go to enough meetings, we'll eventually... Well, maybe not be cured, but be something!

And we are "something." We're recovering-recovering from active addiction. No matter what we've dealt with through the process of the steps, there will always be more. What we didn't remember or didn't think was important in our first inventory will surely present itself later on. Again and again, we'll turn to the process of the steps to deal with what's bothering us. The more we use this process the more we'll trust it, for we can see the results. We go from anger and resentment to forgiveness, from denial to honesty and acceptance, and from pain to serenity.

Recovery doesn't happen overnight, and ours will never be complete. But each day brings new healing and the hope for more tomorrow.

Just for today: I will do what I can for my recovery today and maintain hope in the ongoing process of recovery.

I didn't get sick overnight, I don't recover quickly. Just for today, I choose not to use and apply the program to my life to the best of my ability. Through my God, all things are possible. Doesn't always happen in my time, but in today, I choose to wait on His will not mine.

Recovery isn't a band aid or a quick fix. It is a work in progress.

[MajestyJo]

June 7

Someone Who Believes In Me

"Just for today I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery."

Basic Text, p. 96

Not all of us arrive in NA and automatically stay clean. But if we keep coming back, we find in Narcotics Anonymous the support we need for our recovery. Staying clean is easier when we have someone who believes in us even when we don't believe in ourselves.

Even the most frequent relapser in NA usually has one staunch supporter who is always there, no matter what. It is imperative that we find that one person or group of people who believes in us. When we ask them if we will ever get clean, they will always reply, "Yes, you can and you will. Just keep coming back!"

We all need someone who believes in us, especially when we can't believe in ourselves. When we relapse, we undermine our already shattered self-confidence, sometimes so badly that we begin to feel utterly hopeless. At such times, we need the support of our loyal NA friends. They tell us that this can be our last relapse. They know from experience that if we keep coming to meetings, we will eventually get clean and stay clean.

It's hard for many of us to believe in ourselves. But when someone loves us unconditionally, offering support no matter how many times we've relapsed, recovery in NA becomes a little more real for us.

Just for today: I will find someone who believes in me. I will believe in them.

In the NA Basic Text I think it says, "I will find someone who believes me and will help me in my recovery." For me that is how the program works. We can do what I can't do alone.

[MajestyJo]

June 8

The Only Requirement

"This program offers hope. All you have to bring with you is the desire to stop using and the willingness to try this new way of life."

IP No. 16, "For the Newcomer"

From time to time we wonder if we're "doing it right" in Narcotics Anonymous. Are we attending enough meetings? Are we using our sponsor, or working the steps, or speaking, or reading, or living the "right" way? We value the fellowship of recovering addicts - we don't know what we'd do without it. What if the way we're practicing our program is "wrong?" Does that make us "bad" NA members?

We can settle our insecurities by reviewing our Third Tradition, which assures us that "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using." There aren't any rules that say we've got to attend this many meetings or these particular meetings, or work the "steps" this way at this pace, or live our lives to suit these people in order to remain NA members in good standing.

It's true that, if we want the kind of recovery we see in members we respect, well want to practice the kind of program that's made their recovery possible. But NA is a fellowship of freedom; we work the program the best way for us, not for someone else. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using.

Just for today: I will look at the program I'm working in light of my own recovery. I will practice that program to the best of my ability.

Always liked the phrase "A desire to stop using and a willingness to work the program." Don't look at quitting for ever and ever. Remember it is just for today. Just for today, I choose not to abuse myself or others.

[MajestyJo]

June 9

Old Dreams Needn't Die

"Lost dreams awaken and new possibilities arise."

Basic Text, p. 88

Most of us had dreams when we were young. Whether we dreamed of a dynamic career, a large and loving family, or travels abroad, our dreams died when our addiction took hold. Anything we ever wanted for ourselves was cast away in our pursuit of drugs. Our dreams didn't go beyond the next drug and the euphoria we hoped it would bring.

Now in recovery, we find a reason to hope that our lost dreams could still come true. No matter how old we are, how much our addiction has taken from us, or how unlikely it may seem, our freedom from active addiction gives us the freedom to pursue our ambitions. We may discover that we're very talented at something, or find a hobby we love, or learn that continuing our education can bring remarkable rewards.

We used to put most of our energy into spinning excuses and rationalizations for our failures. Today, we go forward and make use of the many opportunities life presents to us. We may be amazed at what we're capable of. With our foundation of recovery, success, fulfillment, and satisfaction are within our reach at last.

Just for today: Starting today, I'll do whatever I can to realize my dreams.

Each day is a new beginning, which give me sober. As long as I stay clean and sober, I have hope for a better tomorrow. If I don't dream big, I am limiting my God as to how He can work in my life. With God, if it is meant to be, it will be.

[MajestyJo]

June 10

Changing Motives

"When we finally get our own selfish motives out of the way, we begin to find a peace that we never imagined possible."

Basic Text, p. 44

As we examine our beliefs, our actions, and our motives in recovery, we'll find that sometimes we do things for the wrong reasons. In our early recovery, we may have spent a great deal of money and time on people, wanting only for them to like us. Later on, we may find that we still spend money on people, but our motives have changed. We do it because we like them. Or perhaps we used to get romantically involved because we felt hollow inside and were seeking fulfillment through another person. Now our reasons for romantic involvement are based in a desire to share our already rewarding lives with an equal partner. Maybe we used to work the steps because we were afraid we'd relapse if we didn't. Today we work the steps because we want to grow spiritually.

We have a new purpose in life today, and our changing motives reflect that. We have so much more to offer than our neediness and insecurities. We have developed a wholesomeness of spirit and a peace of mind that moves our recovery into a new realm. We extend our love and share our recovery with complete generosity, and the difference we make is the legacy we leave to those who have yet to join us.

Just for today: In recovery, my motives have changed. I want to do things for the right reason, not just for my personal benefit. Today, I will examine my motives.

As we grow in recovery, we become more aware, and we can see what served us in early recovery, no longer serves us in today. It was what we needed then, but as we change, we find self-honesty, we re-examine ourselves and look at our motives and our intent.

[MajestyJo]

June 11

Living Clean

"As we recover; we gain a new outlook on being clean.... Life can become a new adventure for us."

Basic Text, p. 88

The using life is not a clean one-no one knows this better than we do. Some of us lived in physical squalor, caring neither for our surroundings nor ourselves. Worse, though, than any external filth was the way most of us felt inside. The things we did to get our drugs, the way we treated other people, and the way we treated ourselves had us feeling dirty. Many of us recall waking too many mornings just wishing that, for once, we could feel clean about ourselves and our lives.

Today, we have a chance to feel clean by living clean. For us addicts, living clean starts with not using - after all, that's our primary use for the word "clean" in Narcotics Anonymous. But as we stay "clean" and work the Twelve Steps, we discover another kind of clean. It's the clean that comes from admitting the truth about our addiction rather than hiding or denying our disease. It's the freshness that comes from owning up to our wrongs and making amends for them. It's the vitality that comes from the new set of values we develop as we seek a Higher Power's will for us. When we practice the principles of our program in all our affairs, we have no reason to feel dirty about our lives or our lifestyles - we're living clean, and grateful to be doing so at last.

"Clean living" used to be just for the "squares." Today, living clean is the only way we'd have it.

Just for today: I feel clean because I'm living clean - and that's the way I want to keep it.

Living clean for me isn't just about not picking up my drug of choice, but not substituting it with something else. It all leads to the same soul sickness. Being clean, means cleansing the body, mind, and spirit and becoming whole. At one with myself and my God.

[MajestyJo]

June 12

A Vision Of Hope

"Yes, we are a vision of hope..."

Basic Text, p. 51

By the time we reached the end of our road, many of us had lost all hope for a life without the use of drugs. We believed we were destined to die from our disease. What an inspiration it was, then, coming to our first meeting and seeing a room full of addicts who were staying clean! A clean addict is, indeed, a vision of hope.

Today, we give that same hope to others. The newcomers see the joyful light in our eyes, notice how we carry ourselves, listen to us speak in meetings, and often want what we have found. They believe in us until they learn to believe in themselves.

Newcomers hear us carry a message of hope to them. They tend to see us through "rose-colored glasses," They don't always recognize our struggle with a particular character defect or our difficulties with improving our conscious contact with our Higher Power. It takes them time to realize that we, the "old-timers" with three or six or ten years clean, often place personalities before principles or suffer from some other unsightly character defects. Yes, the newcomer sometimes places us on a pedestal. It is good, though, to openly admit the nature of our struggles in recovery for, in time, the newcomer will be walking through those same trials. And that newcomer will remember that others walked through that difficulty and stayed clean.

Just for today: I will remember that I am a beacon to all who follow in my path, a vision of hope.

Threatened thunder storms all day and I had hoped it was going to pass us back, but it is just starting to happen. For me in recovery,it is about being safe, so turning off my TV and computer, and going to my bed.

[MajestyJo]

June 13

A Full Life

"The program works a miracle in our lives....We become free to live."

Basic Text, p. 11

Most of us-if we've been in recovery for any length of time at all-have heard some member complaining in a meeting about being terribly overworked, too busy for meetings or sponsorship or other activities. In fact, we may have been the complaining member. The days seem so full: job, family and friends, meetings, activities, sponsorship, step work. "There just aren't enough hours in the day;" the member complains, "to get everything done and meet everyone's demands on my time!"

When this happens, usually there's soft laughter from some of the other members-probably members who had planned to grumble about the same sort of thing. The laughter stems from our recognition that we are complaining about the miracle of the life that is ours today. Not so long ago, few of us were capable of having any of these "problems" in our life. We devoted all of our energy to maintaining our active addiction. Today we have full lives, complete with all the feelings and problems that go with living in reality.

Just for today: I will remember that my life is a miracle. Instead of resenting how busy I am, I will be thankful my life is so full.

Know the program worked for me, the woman that came into recovery is no more.

[MajestyJo]

June 14

Maintaining Our Faith

"If we maintain our spiritual condition daily, we find it easier to deal with the pain and confusion."

Basic Text, p. 92

When we first began searching for a Power greater than ourselves, many of us got stuck in old beliefs or ideas. These ranged from the fear of a punishing or vengeful God to no belief at all. Some of us felt we had done such terrible things that a loving Power would never have anything to do with us. Others were convinced that the "bad" things that happened to us would not have occurred if a loving Power had actually existed. It took time, effort, open-mindedness, and faith to acquire a working belief in a loving Higher Power that would guide us through life's challenges.

Even after we come to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, our old ideas can come back to haunt us. Major setbacks in our lives and the insecurity such events can trigger may give rise to the return of our old, inadequate ideas about God. When this happens, we need to assure ourselves that our Higher Power has not abandoned us but is waiting to help us make it through the hard times in our recovery. No matter how painful our loss may be, we will survive our setback and continue to grow if we maintain the faith our program has given us.

Just for today: I have worked hard to build my faith in a loving, caring Higher Power that will guide me through life's challenges. Today, I will trust that Power.

Faith grows the more you use it.

[MajestyJo]

June 15

Resistance To Change

"Many of us cling to our fears, doubts, self-loathing, or hatred because there is a certain distorted security in familiar pain. It seems safer to embrace what we know than to let go of it for the unknown."

Basic Text, p.33

We have often heard it said that "when the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of changing, we will change" Our fear can keep us from growing, afraid to end relationships, change careers, attend new meetings, begin new friendships, or attempt anything out of the ordinary. We stay in situations that are no longer working far longer than we have to simply because what is familiar feels safer than the unknown. Any change involves overcoming fear. "What if I'm alone forever?" we might think if we consider leaving our lover. "What if I find out I'm incompetent?" we may wonder when we contemplate changing careers. We may balk at attending new meetings because we will have to reach out. Our minds manufacture a hundred excuses for remaining right where we are, afraid to try something new.

We find that most of our pain comes not from change but from resistance to change. In NA, we learn that change is how we move forward in our lives. New friends, new relationships, new interests and challenges will replace the old. With these new things in our lives, we find new joys and loves.

Just for today: I will release the old, embrace the new, and grow.

My best thinking got me to the doors of recovery. Why should I fight what is and want to stay in what was, and not take a second chance at living with gratitude for my sobriety (soundness of mind). It isn't a word that belongs to that OTHER fellowship, who heard tell of an addict having a sound mind. He may think he knows it all, but then there is the reality check and getting honest with oneself.