QUESTIONS???

[MajestyJo]

Questions that aren't helpful

“We accept many notions because they seem to be the logical answers to our questions. But have we asked the right questions?”

-- Harold L. Klawans

Sometimes we ask questions for which we really don’t want the answer! Nonetheless, when we ask a question, our subconscious minds will get to work to answer us.

Here are some examples of questions we want to avoid:

- What’s wrong with me?
- How long could this take?
- What could go wrong?
- How much trouble could it be?
- How hard could it be?


Asking questions can be empowering – as long as they’re smart questions!

"The uncreative mind can spot wrong answers, but it takes a very creative mind to spot wrong questions."

-- Anthony Jay

How much of this is mine?

"The collective energy generated from the feelings, thoughts, and attitudes of the almost six billion people on this planet creates an atmosphere or 'consciousness climate.' Surrounding us like the air we breathe, this consciousness climate affects us most strongly on energetic and emotional levels."

-- Doc Childre and Howard Martin

Feeling angry, sad or anxious? You might ask, “How much of this is mine?”

Those of us who are sensitive sometimes pick up on emotional, mental or physical energy in the environment. It feels like ours – we really do feel the emotions or physical or mental symptoms. But really, we are processing ‘generic’ energies that belong to others or to humanity as a whole.

Opening to the possibility that our experiences may not be completely ours helps us detach from them. When we don’t completely identify with our thoughts and feelings, we gain power over them.

"If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear … as it is, infinite.”

-- William Blake

Smart questions to keep handy
“Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.”

-- Anthony Robbins

Last time, we talked about questions to avoid. Today, let’s consider some that are truly empowering:

- Is there a message for me in this experience?
- What’s the gift in this situation?
- What can I learn from this?
- What’s the most loving thing I could do now?
- What’s the most important thing for me to focus on now?
- What would I do if I knew I could not fail?
- What would I do if there were nothing to fear?


“A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.”

-- Francis Bacon


Found this on one of my old MSN sites. I was reminded earlier about being asked, "What's the Answer?" I didn't know what the Question was and I didn't know what Question to ask.

Step Three says to listen for the quiet. I had to get rid of all the chatter and inner dialogue. I had to stop looking for the quick fix and instant gratification and trust in the process.

[MajestyJo]

I think that all addictions (using something outside of ourselves to make us feel better and to take the focus off us) lead to the same soul sickness. Like so many addictions, the problem isn't the substance, it is generally me, my attitudes and old tapes, trauma from my past and the inability to face it and deal with it.

I qualify for just about any recovery room you want to put me in. Been there, wore the t-shirt. Because I am old, I was never around when they were passing around a lot of the drugs used in today.

Probably a good therapist would help, it would be really help if you could find one who had an understanding of the 12 Steps and how they work.

When you see a post here, just substitute your disease for the one posted. We used people, places and things to escape our reality. Doesn't matter how we did it, it is the intent and harm we do ourselves as a result of using that brings us to the doors of recovery.

I personally used alcohol, prescription drugs, alcohol, work, food, gambling, and men. Shopping and shop lifting are just other forms of addiction. I didn't think I liked shopping. Then I got honest, I don't like shopping without any money.

Know a little about where you come from as I go into our local jail and talk to men and women about recovery. For so many of them, it is the high, not on the drugs and alcohol, but in the stealing, not getting caught and what you got away with. The one time they land in jail doesn't matter, it is the times that they stole and got away with it that is the big draw and attraction. Several have shared that when they got out they would bo back and do the same thing again.

It is the same with the drugs and alcohol, we don't remember the 'negative' times, we only remember the good times. This time it will be different. It never is, even though we may get away with it or survive, there is always the remorse, the guilt, shame and the aftermath to deal with. Sometimes it isn't glaringly apparent in the moment but often reveals itself later on or it affects the loved ones around us although we can't often see them much less be aware of how our behaviour affects them.

I wish you well on your recovery journey.

[MajestyJo]

Remember being told that there were no stupid questions in AA. I didn't ask because I didn't want to appear 'stupid' and that word kept me sick, because I had been told I was stupid all my life. How can I know what I have never been taught? How can I know if I don't ask?

What was good for me was going to meetings and listening to people share around the discussion tables. I also went to 12 Step meetings, I might have been on Step One, but learning about the others, gave me a goal, and I could work them into my life to the best of my ability. When it came to working the Step when I got to it in order, I had a more open mind and a willingness to do the work. Just because I was sober and on Step One was no reason I should continue acting out in my disease.

[MajestyJo]

Do we question our self or do we blame others for who and where we are at in today.

Do we question God and wonder why He/She hasn't given us what I want and think I need.

Do we question the program? Go to a fellowship that you feel comfortable in. If it worked for others, it can work for you.

The program suggests we go to meetings, get a home group, get a sponsor, get active in our group, work the steps with our sponsor, clean house by getting honest, open my mind to new things, and willing to go to any length to stay sober.

The people in the rooms are not the program, but they can support and guide you along the way.

Don't question those who are trying. It is no failure in trying, there is no time table, no race to be run, no standards to meet, it is what we can do just for today. The failure is in the not trying. It is how we pick ourselves up and trying again. It is a program of practice, practice, practice.

Don't question your God's Love. As they say in Al-Anon, "We hope you will come to love us, the same way we already love you."

[MajestyJo]

As we travel the journey within, we make new discoveries, we find old reminders, and precious memories.


Come join our journey to eliminate and let go of the negative, replace it with the positive, and reinforce and nuture the flame within each of us, so that we can walk in balance and acceptance of the Light and the Dark nature of ourselves.

When we go within, we connect with our Inner Self.

As we learn to trust that voice within, we are able to weave our own fate and trust the guardian within who directs us, gives us courage and strength, and helps us to make healthy choices. We find our inner knowing, our own truth and learn to walk our talk.

[MajestyJo]

Need to let go of control?

"The world is not to be put in order; the world is order, incarnate. It is for us to harmonize with this order."

-- Henry Miller

Ego believes that it needs to protect us from external dangers. Through control and manipulation, it aims to keep us safe. This need of ego is based in fear.

If we hope to live in love, we must become acquainted with soul.

Experiencing soul brings a deep knowing that this is a loving universe.

Experiencing soul also builds faith. We learn to trust that we don’t have to run the show. And when we do this, we tap the source of true freedom and joy.

"It is not action or effort that we must surrender; it is self-will, and this is terribly difficult. You must do your best constantly, yet never allow yourself to become involved in whether things work out the way you want."

-- Eknath Easwaran

"True spiritual surrender responsibly opens itself to the unknown."

-- Stephen V. Doughty

posted in 2007

I had to surrender to win. I had to substitute the word control for powerlessness before I could understand the meaning of it. I thought I was in control, it was an illusion. Today, I turn it over to my Higher Power, when I surrendered, I was empowered to do what I needed to do for myself.

===================

Recently, my son told me he was in control of his drug use. I can remember when I thought control was the solution. If I could control, people, place and things, everything would be just fine.

Ego is "Easing God Out." I didn't allow God into my life and tended to discount Him. When I am trying to control, it is already out of control. I end up trying to be my own Higher Power.

I use to get really upset when people didn't post on this site. Today, I am able to let go, and do what I need to do for my own recovery and sobriety (soundness of mind).

[MajestyJo]

Surrender doesn't mean to give up. It means give over. Surrender was part of the honesty I needed to find in Step One, admitting I didn't know, made a mistake, willing to open my mind to new ideas and concepts. Just because I had done things for numerous years, didn't mean they were right. I found even in recovery, things in early recovery had to be revised and edited. Many times it was my lack of willingness to let go, I wanted to hang onto those strings, making them conditional, hidden, and many times restoring to denial and lack olf willingness to let go.

My addiction was always wanting more, so in my recovery, I had to get honest, open my mind, and willing to change. More recovery, not more drugs, no more using other things to hide from what was truly happening in my life.

My control in today come from my Through my God, all things are possible. The second half of the first Step, my life is unmanageable when managed by me.

It is ironic, I never used to get 'high' or as what some people saw as 'high', although it could have been the fact that I was so depressed, it took a lot of using to get me up to where I got to a stage to really let go. I remember times when I was horrified because I saw myself losing control. There is no way I wanted to act or appear drunk, I just wanted the warm fuzzies, and it just took more and more to reach that feeling. The problem was, as my disease progressed, if I did find the feeling, I couldn't stop there, I still had to have more. It didn't matter what the drug was that brought me there or the drug that came along that I just had to have more. When one drug stopped working, I generally used it in a combo with something or someone else.

[MajestyJo]

Do you ever feel depressed?

Depression is a big part of grief. Whenever we have a change in our life which brings about change in our daily routine, our daily living structure, and our long-time habits, we grieve over what was, what might have been, and fear what is to come.

Depression is part of grieving and something that I don't take a pill for. My depression isn't a chemical imbalance. Doctor's have tried to put me on anti-depressants for my fibromyalgia and all they did for me was put weight on and then I became more depressed. I have seen many girls put on them only to go back out to get thin. Either they were not honest with their doctor or their doctor doesn't understand the disease of addiction.

Every time there is a change, a loss be it a job, a routine, a loved one, or a habit, we go through a grieving process. It isn't something to ignore and hide under a bushel. The program works on it when I apply the 12 Steps. The 12 Steps are applicable to all situations.



Depression gives me signs to me that I am heading down the old path and I need to turn things over to my Higher Power. i.e. no shower, not getting dressed...no leaving the house...only leaving the bed to eat or go potty. Bed was one of the things I used for years. I even went without TV for two years, because I was living and out and about, participating in life. When depression hit, I got it back and added extra bundles so I wouldn't miss anything. When I got my computer, I became addicted to it, not realizing that it was just another escape route.

Here is a link to some quotes. The one I like the best is:

“Depression is nourished by a lifetime of ungrieved and unforgiven hurts” by Penelope Sweet

www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_women.htm

[MajestyJo]

Am I an alcoholic because I am an addict. Am I an addict because I am an alcoholic?

Doesn't matter, in either case, I have a disease. A dis-ease that prevented me to go within to connect with my Higher Power and kept looking outside of myself for some person, place or thing to make me feel better.

The didn't satisfy the thirst, I kept wanting more. I had to fill up with Spiritual things. What do you do to top yourself up, so you have something to give instead of working on fumes.

The 12 Steps are applicable to ALL areas of my life. Have you used them? Did you know that when you get to Step 12, you start again at Step One. Each step is a healing process that gives you new awareness and a new reality, and allows me to open up to new experiences. Did you know that the 12 Steps are a growth tool?

[MajestyJo]

Did you know that this disease is cunning, baffling and powerful? Did you know that the body, mind, and spirit is affected, and we need to work on our emotional sobriety daily?

This is a one day at a time program, what do you to cleanse your body, mind and spirit, to open up to the goodness of God?

"Beware what you set your heart upon. For it shall surely be yours."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"F R O G" we all need one

I was told a story about a lady in the hospital who was near death when an area Chaplain came to visit her This Chaplain was a very young female with very long, blond hair. She listened to the lady who was ill and left her a small gift for comfort. It was a tiny ceramic frog. The next day one of the people from the lady's church came to visit. The lady told her friend about the beautiful young Chaplain who had come to visit her. The friend was so impressed with the way the lady had improved and felt the need to talk to the young Chaplain. In her search to find the young gal, she was repeatedly reassured that the chaplains are never very young and that there was never a gal that fit the description given.
Upon returning to the lady in the hospital, a visiting nurse entered the room and noticed the ceramic frog. The nurse made the comment "I see you have a guardian angel with you." As she held the little frog. We asked why she made the comment and we were informed that the frog stood for:

(F) Forever (R) Rely (O) On (G) God

To The World You Might Be One Person; But To One Person You Might Be the World.

You have been Tagged by the Froggy, which means you are a great friend!!

Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have Trouble remembering how to fly.

May God grant you always
A sunbeam to warm you,
A moonbeam to charm you,
A sheltering angel so
nothing can harm you.
Laughter to cheer you,
Faithful friends near you and
when ever you pray heaven to hear you.

Posted on another site Alcohol and Addictions Recovery Help/Support...

[MajestyJo]

I was so fragmented and broken when I came into recovery. Slowly but surely, I changed and became whole. What it took in early recovery is not what I need in today. What I need to do in today is maintain my sobriety. At the beginning I was search for it and looking for what I need. Yet having said that, "I also need to look at what I need in today. What I thought I needed, may have changed. Just because it is something that served me for several years, doesn't mean it is still what I need in today. As you say, "I may have gotten comfortable, maybe something has worn out, not only it's welcome but it's use and needs to be replaced."

If I have a fear in today, it is that I won't notice. If I find a fear, like I faced three days ago, I know to take it to my God. I know that whatever happens will happen, fear or no fear. Best I think of goodness and draw it to me that to think the worst and attract it to me. I am a firm believer in the Power of Prayer.

Posted on another site in 2004.

Worry is fear that hasn't said it's prayers. Something I had to keep aware of and act accordingly. I have to find acceptance before I can take action to change. It is generally my attitude, my complacency, my lack of faith, and unwillingness to do anything in the moment, and I want to sit in my stuff a little while or I don't like what I foresee I have to do to change. My magic magnifying mind can blow things all out of proportion and I get overwhelmed, and instead of taking action, I allow fear to paralyze me.

I had to let go of the paranoia, the old tapes and make new ones, old behaviours and habits which no longer serve me in today.

[MajestyJo]

DAILY OM

It’s Never Too Late
Getting Back To What You Love

There are times in life when we are committed to pursuing our passions. Every molecule in our body is focused on doing what we love. At other times, necessity and responsibility dictate that we put our dreams aside and do what needs to be done. It is during these moments that we may choose to forget what it is that we love to do. There are many other reasons for why we may leave our passions behind. A hobby may lose its appeal once we’ve realize it will never turn into our dream job. Someone important to us may keep telling us that our passions are childish and unsuitable – until we finally believe them.

Forgetting about what you love to do can be a form of self-sabotage. If you can forget about your dreams, then you never have to risk failure. But just because we’ve decided to ignore our passions doesn’t mean they no longer exist. Nothing can fill the emptiness that remains in a space vacated by a passion that we have tossed aside. Besides, life is too short to stop doing what you love, and it is never too late to rediscover your favorite things. If you gave up playing an instrument, painting, drawing, spending time in nature, or any other activity or interest that you once loved to do, now may be the time to take up that passion again. If you don’t remember what it is that you used to be passionate about, you may want to think about the activities or interests that you used to love or the dreams that you always wished you could pursue.

You don’t have to neglect your responsibilities to pursue your passions, and you don’t have to neglect your commitments to do what you love. When you make an effort to incorporate your interests into your life, the fire within you ignites. You feel excited, inspired, and fed by the flames that are sparked by living your life with passion for what you love.

What do you think?

I didn't find recovery until I was 49. I qualified at the age of 26 for sure, but when I look at my life, I have to wonder why I was put on Valium at 16.

[MajestyJo]

For many years I put aside what I needed or wanted to do for others. I lived my life through others and told myself I was happy because they were happy. I liked things because I was doing them with others and I wasn't alone, and yet it wasn't my true self.

My big love and passion is bridge. It makes me sad that I have had to cancel twice because of my health. It was nice when my partner picked up the phone and called me so that we made the connection. His grand passion is exercise and he was tired from doing too much and he was glad of the night home and the rest. He would have gone if I had been able but he was glad that I had made the decision to stay home.

In today, I haven't been able to play for 3 years. I keep thinking of going back, but because of my medications, I don't always have concentration and I don't feel that I could be a good partner, and that has always been important to me.

Sometimes we fear hurting the other person and are afraid to say no and to set a boundary. It generally works out well in the end when you listen to yourself. Again, it is about balance.

I can't give away what I don't have. I was told that I needed to top myself up and only give away the overflow.

It is important to have an outside interest. In today, for me it is coming to the sites and a game of Bejewelled 3.

My computer and my sites became an addiction, they completely took up my thoughts and was always on line forgetting to live my own life. I had to pray and ask for healing of my thoughts. There was no more 'have to do" in my thinking and I was able to LIVE my life.

[MajestyJo]

What will happen when and if I relapse? If you are thinking this, you are heading that way, if you don`t take precautions and connect with your God and work the program daily.

AA Thought for the Day
May 21, 2006
Deadly Progression
For as long as I could remember,
I was shy, insecure, and full of fear.
When I drank that first time,
it was not so much what alcohol did for me,
it was what alcohol took away;
all my inadequacies, fears, and loneliness.
I never imagined that first drink as the beginning
of a deadly progression that would lead me
to death's door and the gates of hell.
With the benefit of hindsight,
I see that alcoholism called all the shots in my life.


Reprinted from Box 1980: The AA Grapevine, June 2006, p. 44. Reprinted with permission of The A.A. Grapevine, Inc.

Thought to Ponder....

Alcohol gave me wings to fly,
then it took away the sky.


----------------------------------------

Recovery Related Acronym

D E A D = Drinking Ends All Dreams.

Love this, it reminds me that even though I stopped using, my disease didn't go away. It is just there waiting for me to pick up and it is always there whispering in my year that I don't have a problem, everyone else has. This time it will be different, you haven't used for a long time, and so what if you picked up a few substitutions along the way, you are just F.I.N.E.

It is a spiritual program and started a spiritual quest at 1 year sober. I had so many messages from my past and from listening to all the members in AA, I had to look to see who my God was to me. Through that search and connecting with my God, I found myself. At the beginning it was in meetings and listening to the people who shared, later on the internet, yet it all amounts for me, to my connection with my God. He/She is as shown to me in today, and I am given that Divine Orderly Good, because my God give me Good Orderly Direction by showing me a new way of life and utilizes people, places and things to show me the way.

If I don't make that daily connection, I allow my disease to slip in be it by listening to people who are still acting out in their disease or by allowing blocks and walls to be erected to block me from that Spirit, and/or ignoring the lessons and experiences I am shown and prevent myself from growing by closing my mind.

My daily connection is the only defense I have against this disease. I also have to be aware that my disease is not one drug, I have used many things over the years and anything I put between me and my God, becomes my drug of choice in today.

It isn't the drug: alcohol, pills, relationships (fear of being alone), men (looking for attention), food, shopping, gambling (Nevada Tickets), work and busy. It is not the drug, that isn`t the issue, the problem is me. It was me long before I picked up my first drug that helped me to stuff and not allow me to feel. I always wanted to escape from my reality because it was fear and pain, and I spent most of my life looking outside of myself to make me feel better. The insanity of our disease, so much better to go within and get in touch with my Creator.

Addiction takes many forms.

[MajestyJo]

Are you aware that you are a people pleaser?

http://psychcentral.com/lib/21-tips-...eople-pleaser/

Read over these statements to see if they apply to you under some circumstances:

I try to be who someone wants me to be.
am afraid to rock the boat.
It is hard for me to know what I want.
I avoid speaking my mind.
I find it easier to go along with what someone wants or with their opinion.
I fantasize about a strong person taking over my life and making it work.
It is hard for me to express my feelings when they are different from someone I’m close to.
It is difficult for me to say No.
I avoid getting angry.
It is hard for me to take initiative.
I try to be nice rather than expressing how I really feel.
I want everyone to get along.

If these statements fit you in certain situations, you may have a People-Pleaser Pattern. You don’t need to behave this way all the time. You may be pleasing only with certain people or in certain situations. Personality patterns aren’t the same as personality types. If you have this pattern, it doesn’t mean that you are always a People-Pleaser, just that a part of you is.