Today's Thought - May

[bluidkiti]

May 1

A slogan that can help us is "Keep an open mind."

We are so certain we are right. And part of the time we are. However, the more we grow in Al-Anon or other Twelve Step programs, the more we'll be able to let others have their own opinions. We also strive to stay flexible ourselves, in case we want to change our opinions.

We have limited knowledge today about what might happen tomorrow. God has been careful to give us only what we need to know right now. What we learn next may change the ideas we have now. Keeping an open mind allows us to be taught by God and God's teachers, all those men and women who walk among us today.

We see many experiences differently today than we'd have seen them before discovering the Twelve Step philosophy. Maybe we've fought against having an open mind, but we've changed anyway. Making the decision to "lighten up" and try on another's idea for size will affect us immensely. Our teachers can teach us only if we're willing.

I will be teachable today.

Today's reading is from the book A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance*

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May 2

Your feeling of being unforgiven and unforgivable is what makes you suffer so. But it only exists in your heart or mind.

~Sogyal Rinpoche

Step Five shows us the way to self?acceptance and self?esteem as we acknowledge to our Higher Power, to ourselves, and to a trusted person all those things we wish we'd done differently. The prospect of laying bare our whole past may seem formidable to us at first, but when we risk doing it, we can begin to change.

We can learn to forgive ourselves when we understand that we're not alone in our feelings or actions, that we are forgivable, and that we have already begun to change from the moment we became willing to admit the exact nature of our wrongs. The burden of guilt and shame is lifted from us when we let in the unconditional love of people we trust. Like all human beings, we are entitled to it.

Today, I forgive myself.

Today's reading is from the book Glad Day

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May 3

Waiting

Wait. If the time is not right, the way is not clear, the answer or decision not consistent, wait. We may feel a sense of urgency. We may want to resolve the issue by doing something - anything now, but that action is not in our best interest.

Living with confusion or unsolved problems is difficult. It is easier to resolve things. But making a decision too soon, doing something before it’s time, means we may have to go back and redo it.

If the time is not right, wait. If the way is not clear, do not plunge forward. If the answer or decision feels muddy, wait. In this new way of life, there is a Guiding Force. We do not ever have to move too soon or move out of harmony. Waiting is an action - a positive, forceful action.

Often, waiting is a God-guided action, one with as much power as a decision, and more power than an urgent, ill-timed decision.

We do not have to pressure ourselves by insisting that we do or know something before it’s time. When it is time, we will know. We will move into that time naturally and harmoniously. We will have peace and consistency. We will feel empowered in a way we do not feel today.

Deal with the panic, the urgency, the fear; do not let them control or dictate decisions. Waiting isn't easy. It isn’t fun. But waiting is often necessary to get what we want. It is not dead-time; it is not down-time. The answer will come. The power will come. The time will come. And it will be right.

Today, I will wait, if waiting is the action I need in order to take care of myself. I will know that I am taking a positive, forceful action by waiting until the time is right. God, help me let go of my fear, urgency, and panic. Help me learn the art of waiting until the time is right. Help me learn timing.

Today's reading is from the book The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency*

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May 4

Resolve to be thyself; and know that who finds himself, loses his misery.

~Matthew Arnold

Our need for approval compels us to try to look good - no matter what's going on. We imagine that somehow everything will be okay as long as it looks okay. Our hearts may be breaking from fear, disillusionment, and rejection, real or imagined, but we keep smiling so that no one will guess.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Is it so hard to turn to a friend and say, "Hey, I'm hurting. I’ve been having a bad time and I need help"? Would the earth tremble if we said it right out, just like that? We're not likely to get what we don't ask for. Instead of denying that our knees are shaking, our hands are sweating, and our stomachs are in torment, we can admit and share the truth. We don’t have to say "Fine!" when someone in the program asks us how we're doing. Our real friends aren't impressed by stiff upper lips; they're impressed by personal honesty.

Today, I will tell someone the truth about how I feel. If I'm not fine, I won't say that I am.

Today's reading is from the book Days of Healing, Days of Joy: Daily Meditations for Adult Children*

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May 5

The purpose of life is a life of purpose.

~Robert Byrne

When we first get sober, our main job for the first couple years is just to get well. It's a big job because our disease has taken a lot out of us in every way. We have to heal our body, mind, heart, and soul. We learn to take it easy, work the Steps, talk with our sponsor, and go to meetings. In early recovery, we try to keep the rest of life simple.

Once we are healthy and settled into our new sober way of life, we can live even more fully. We will be ready to give of ourselves in new areas. We can put more energy into doing the work we are here for. That may be raising children, finding a career, or even getting involved in politics.

We are all here to help make the world a better place in some way or another. Once we are sober and stable, we will have a special purpose. We will find it by practicing Step Eleven.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me practice the idea of "First things first" in my recovery. After I am healthy, help me find your purpose for me.
Today's Action

I will talk with my sponsor today about where I am with finding my purpose. Am I ready, or am I still healing?

Today's reading is from the book God Grant Me: More Daily Meditations from the Authors of Keep It Simple*

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May 6

For so must it be, and help me to do my part.

~Tibetan saying

It’s been said that God exists only in the present. That means we must live in the present if we are to find God. In God's eyes, we are worthy and lovable as we are today. God never rejects part of creation.

Can we accept that our Higher Power loved us even when we were acting out? Can we accept that God loves us if we're struggling or even slipping today? If this happens, we can pick ourselves up and make the choice to go to a meeting, call a friend or a sponsor, or pray to our Higher Power.

The power of the present makes it possible for God to love us unconditionally because God doesn't expect us to be perfect, just willing to do our best. Only in the present do we have the power to choose our attitudes and actions, and it is this freedom that links us to God's power.

My Higher Power loves me because I'm human, not despite it.

Today's reading is from the book Answers in the Heart

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May 7

Musts

Not what we would, but what we must makes up the sum of living.

~Richard Henry Stoddard

"We must do the things we must" is frequent advice in the program. Each Step is evidence of what our founders did in order to achieve abstinence and keep it going with serenity and security. All of the "musts" implied in the Steps and frequently mentioned throughout the Big Book are also spiritual. We will find the importance of "must" in the favorite quotes from that book.

The Steps aren't based on the theory of "thou shalt not." They are based on the theory that "thou shall." That's why we say "there are no musts" in our program. Fortunately, those Twelve Steps we work require positive action. They tell us what we can do in order that each of us can live a joyous, happy, and free existence.

"Must" appears many times in the Big Book, along with a few "absolutes." This doesn't refer to my requirements for working the program. It just lets me concentrate on what I can do, not on what I can't.

Today's reading is from the book Easy Does It: A Book of Daily Twelve Step Meditations*

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May 8

The luxury of doing good surpasses every other personal enjoyment.

~John Gay

Helping a friend move, listening to a troubled spouse, or doing a special favor for someone can help us in many ways. And our rewards are often quickly evident. When we help someone else experience a few moments of relief or happiness, our own needs are often addressed in loving and sometimes mysterious ways.

God will always make sure that our own needs are taken care of. Letting our needs be taken care of in God's time means we have more time to think of others.

When we work this program, we grow in our capacity to love others through our acts of kindness. And we begin to love ourselves more. As this love grows, we are changed - profoundly and forever.

God’s hope for me is that I grow in my capacity to love. I can plant many seeds today through acts of kindness.

Today's reading is from the book In God's Care: Daily Meditations on Spirituality in Recovery*

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May 9

It is important that we plan for the future, imperative that we accept an outcome unplanned.

~Molly McDonald

We sometimes feel confused over how to live just one day at a time while making strategic plans for the future. It seems contradictory to try to do both. Yet that is what a healthy recovery means.

Goals help direct our attention. They give us needed focus. They give us enthusiasm for making the most of our recovery. But just as we need goals to strengthen our resolve to move forward, we need willingness to let God be involved in our effort and, even more important, in charge of the outcome. God's role and ours, though related, are in fact quite separate. In our rush to move forward we sometimes forget to turn over the reins when our part is done.

We are learning the joys of living one day at a time. We are letting God be responsible for the outcomes of our endeavors. Each day in recovery gives us more time to practice doing only what we need to do and leaving the rest in God's hands.

I must let God take charge of the outcomes of my efforts today. If I do, I will be cared for in the most loving fashion.

Today's reading is from the book A Woman's Spirit: More meditations for Women*

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May 10

Loneliness is the first thing which God's eye nam'd not good.

~John Milton

Loneliness is a dominant fact of life for many people. It is also a consequence - it is caused. Regardless of the reasons behind our feelings and actions of loneliness and withdrawal, no matter how valid and compelling those reasons may be, if we give the loneliness ball a push, it's going to start rolling. If we withdraw from company or make it difficult for people to get to know us, that behavior will cause loneliness. If we habitually wear an aloof, unapproachable expression, we will not be approached. What we do (or don't do) determines what we get. And like any habit, behaviors that serve to isolate us come to feel normal, even inevitable, over time.

As long as we're alive, we're capable of building bridges between ourselves and others. Chronic loneliness doesn't have to be a fact of life. If we're willing to work at it, we can learn to reach out, make contact, and be comfortable in the company of our fellows.

Today, I will be the first to greet others and say a kind word.

Today's reading is from the book Days of Healing, Days of Joy: Daily Meditations for Adult Children*

[bluidkiti]

May 11

AA Thought for the Day

When we first came into AA, a sober life seemed strange. We wondered what life could possibly be like without ever taking a drink. At first, a sober life seemed unnatural. But the longer we’re in AA, the more natural this way of life seems. And now we know that the life we're living in AA - the sobriety, the fellowship, the faith in God, and the trying to help each other - is the most natural way we could possibly live. Do I believe it's the way God wants me to live?
Meditation for the Day

I will learn to overcome myself, because every blow to selfishness is used to shape the real, eternal, unperishable me. As I overcome myself, I gain that power which God releases in my soul. And I will be victorious. It is not the difficulties of life that I have to conquer so much as my own selfishness.
Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may obey God and walk with Him and listen to Him. I pray that I may strive to overcome my own selfishness.

Today's reading is from the book Twenty-Four Hours a Day: A Spiritual Resource with Practical Applications for Daily Life*

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May 12

...sparrow, your message is clear: it is not too late for my singing.

~Tess Gallagher

There was once a mother who loved to hang the laundry out on the clothesline in the backyard. Her baby crawled through the sheets and towels that almost touched the grass. The baby didn't talk yet, so nobody knew what she was thinking.

Ten years later, the baby, twelve years old, told her that her happiest memory of childhood was playing in her "playhouse" of laundry on the line. She remembered thinking that her mother hung the sheets out there just so she could play in the grass and wind and sun!

How wonderful to be living in a world where we can accidentally make people happy! This knowledge is a miraculous gift, and can give us reason to do every task well and with love, because it may be remembered for a lifetime by someone near to us.

What happy memory do I have of childhood?

Today's reading is from the book Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families*

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May 13

Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.

~Spanish proverb

Gossip can kill the trust in a Twelve Step program. We all need to feel safe when we share our personal lives with others. We need to know our private business won't be spread around.

We can do two things to help keep the trust in our groups, and in the rest of our lives too. First, don't gossip. Second, don't listen to gossip about others.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me mind my own business today. Help me honor the trust of my friends by not gossiping.
Action for the Day

Today I'll think of two ways to stop someone from telling me gossip. Then I'll put those ways to use.

Today's reading is from the book Keep it Simple: Daily Meditations for Twelve Step Beginnings and Renewal*

[bluidkiti]

May 14

The human heart in its perversity finds it hard to escape hatred and revenge.

~Moses Luzzatto

This program promises many rewards for those who follow it, but it does not promise to be easy. We search our conscience for resentments and face them. No man can progress in his recovery while holding on to resentments, old angers, and hatreds. When we hold them, we protect dark corners of our souls from the renewal we need. As we allow ourselves to be made new through this program, we no longer reserve those small corners for the game of power and resentment. They will eventually consume us and justify in our minds a return to the old patterns.

Nothing can be held back. We must be willing to surrender all - even if we do not know how. No one can stop being resentful simply by deciding to stop. When we are willing to be honest, to be humble, to be learners, to be led in a constructive direction, to allow time to be guided rather than seek instant cure, then we will learn trust and will surely make progress.

I do not need to know exactly how to let go of my resentments or what will happen after I do. I simply must be ready to let them go.

Today's reading is from the book Touchstones: A Book of Daily Meditations for Men*

[bluidkiti]

May 15

Decluttering Our Thoughts

Clutter isn't only those piles of belongings on floors or shelves that serve as barriers to comfort and serenity in your home. The clutter between my ears causes me the most stress: all those things that take up space that I really don't need anymore. My brain can be a messy place, an interesting place, and, without a doubt, an overcrowded place.

Thanks to therapy and mindfulness practice, I've learned how to pare down my thoughts. As I have made a practice of cleaning up my physical space, I can regard and contemplate the piles of thoughts that I've created in my head, decide what I need to keep and what I can throw away. Lately, I've been throwing out self-judgment and harshness. I've reorganized outdated ideas about what I need to be doing with my days and my life, scrapped fear and insecurity. Clearing out the negative mental clutter has created a lot more space for curiosity, positivity, and creativity.

How do you sort through your clutter? What are you making room for?

I hang on to thoughts that serve me well and chuck the rest.

Today's reading is from the book She Recovers Every Day: Meditations for Women*