Did your relationship change with sobriety?

[MaryB1974]

I have only been sober for a week, but I am very committed and focused "this time". I can't believe I managed to abstain this long.
I feel that my husband is not really liking the new me. He has been concerned about me for some time but when I've asked him for support he has let me down because I think he sees it as my problem not OUR problem.
So I have kind of blocked him out and doing whatever it takes to stay on track.
Anyone else care to share or comment?

[yukonm]

Hi Mary,
This is an excellent topic for discussion. I had many failed relationships before I got sober. When I finally committed to recovery, I was single and remained so for over 5 years. Although our alcoholism effects those around us, our recovery IS up to us. Those around us may feel left out. It is suggested that friends and family attend Al-anon so that they will have some support themselves. I do hope that you can find a balance so that you are not totally blocking him out. I could see where that might cause a resentment on his part.
My present companion is a normie. We've known each other for over 30 years and he has experience with me when I was drinking and using......(part of the reason for failed attempts at a relationship in the past). He really doesn't understand why I continue to go to meetings after being clean and sober for over 6 years..........when he asked me why, I responded "You DO remember how I was before don't you". Well he never asked again why I attend the meetings and some evenings he has even said, "Hey, don't you have a function (what he calls my mtgs) to go to this evening--LOL!!
Once you are sober longer and begin to live the principles, your husband will see the difference.
I know for me, so many times in the past I had promised to get sober only to fail at the attempt. No wonder people didn't believe me.....I had let myself and others down so many times before.
I do hope everything works out......just keep doing the next right thing. Glad you are here!!

[MaryB1974]

Thank you! I used to make promises, now I don't say a thing, I just take action. We have a very stressful life here after 2 floods and a bad year on the farm. Up to our eyeballs in debt. So there is a lot of stress and that intensified my drinking.
I will maybe set a date night with him so we can talk. Xxx

[MajestyJo]

Thank you both for your shares. I once heard, if you were using when you met your partner, your life was set on different principles.

Perhaps when you get some time into the program and he sees that you are serious, maybe he will go to an open meeting and see where you are coming from.

Sometimes I found that others didn't want to accept your disease, because that would mean they might have to look at themselves. It can be their own denial, often we have other addictions that lead to our drinking or our drinking took us to another addiction. Food is a big one, and another one is gambling.

I found I had to focus on my own recovery, without me I have nothing. They don't like the attention taken from them and the time needed to go to meetings, meet and talk with your sponsor, and take time to do step work.

A girl who called herself my unofficially adopted daughter and my son, both said they could no longer identify with me when I got sober. They both had their own addiction and they didn't have me to enable them. Can you believe it? She said, "No!"

Hope you will continue to come and share your journey with us.