Sobriety is not the gift, it's the means by which we get the gift. As our illness gets a hold on us suddenly we have no will to want to live. We can't understand this or do we like it, but it won't go away and it becomes part of us. I didn't want to die but somehow knew I was and was powerless to do anything about it. Few know the insanity that goes along with this. Out of desperation help comes to us but even then it's hard to accept. Cunning, baffling and powerful this illness has us. The only thing that stops it is when we find others who have given the gift of life and they want to give it to us. There is nothing else this is it, the last stop before the end.