Today's Thought - November

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November 16

Identifying Past Wounds

I don't always love the "digging around in our past" part of recovery. Most days, I crave and strive to be present and living in the now, or to be forward-thinking and forward-moving. When I do visit the past, my preference is to focus on the happy and good parts. But the wounded pieces of my past come calling without being invited. Completely new experiences and circumstances can trigger my very old, very core wounds.

I've done a lot of therapy and have been working on my recovery for a long time, so when my core wounds are triggered, I can usually respond to them with gentle understanding. One of my predominant past wounds is abandonment, and it's amazing how often it shows up. It's even more amazing that I recognize it almost immediately, acknowledge it, feel it, and then remind myself that it's an old hurt. I remind myself that the only person who can abandon me now is myself, and I'm not about to ever do that again.

I greet my past wounds with understanding and compassion, then I release them, again and again.

Today's reading is from the book She Recovers Every Day: Meditations for Women*

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November 17

Enjoying reality

Cloud Nine does not compare to the joys and beauty of a clean life. In fact, Cloud Nine is opposed to our new way of life. It's a fantasy, a trip, a high - like that first drink, fix, or pill.

Now we are dealing with reality - a real and beautiful place instead of a fanciful dream. Each day can be a journey with our Higher Power, beyond pain and suffering, beyond Cloud Nine, in the wonderful here and now.

Am I learning to enjoy today?

I pray for guidance through all aspects of growing, so I don't get stuck in any one place.

The real things I will enjoy today are...

Today's reading is from the book Day by Day: Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts*

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November 18

Addiction Is Cunning, Baffling, and Powerful

I never said no to anything in the service, but alcohol was my primary drug of choice. I got deployed to Afghanistan in 2002. That’s when my serious drinking started.

When we got there, there was nothing - no running water, no electricity - same conditions as in a combat zone. But there was still booze. It's really hot in the Middle East, so we worked at night and slept during the day. That was a hard adjustment for many of us, so we started sneaking alcohol in. A lot of us drank almost daily to take the edge off. Then we'd just pass out. I didn't realize it at the time, but something had changed. After several deployments, I started to feel invincible. There was a thrill to living on the edge. And alcohol was a big part of that.

But we weren't invincible.

I will never forget what I learned in recovery: Addiction is cunning, baffling, and powerful. It sneaks up on you, then takes over your life.

All of this is why admitting our powerlessness is the First Step.

~Kenneth B., U.S. Air Force, 2001–2007

Today's reading is from the book Leave No One Behind: Daily meditations for Military Service Members and Veterans in Recovery*

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November 19

Reflection for the Day

The Twelve Steps teach us that, as faith grows, so does security. The terrifying fear of nothingness begins to subside. As we work the program, we find that the basic antidote for fear is a spiritual awakening. We lose the fear of making decisions, for we realize that if our choice proves wrong, we can learn from the experience. And should our decision be the right one, we can thank our Higher Power for giving us the courage and the grace that caused us so to act. Am I grateful for the courage and grace I receive from my Higher Power?
Today I Pray

I ask that I be given the power to act, knowing that I have at least a half chance to make the right decision and that I can learn from a wrong one. For so long, decision-making seemed beyond my capabilities. Now, I can find joy in being able to make choices. Thank you, Higher Power, for courage.
Today I Will Remember

Freedom is choosing.

Today's reading is from the book A Day at a Time: Daily Reflections for Recovering People*

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November 20

An inspiring book, a caring friend, a moment of silence - all can offer the guidance we seek.

We are learning to seek guidance on how to handle the serious circumstances of our lives. We used to feel we had to figure out everything for ourselves. What a gift it is to seek suggestions from friends we can trust. And hearing others tell how a line in a book gave them a needed answer has become a valuable tool too.

Relying on the silence for our answers, we are less certain at first. We can't always tell if it's our ego directing us rather than our Higher Power. The important thing is that we are looking for help. We are no longer blocked by our need to be self-reliant in all matters.

Guidance is always available. We simply have to know where to look and be willing to hear.

I will look at my problems today as opportunities for intimacy with other people. Problems will free me from isolation.

Today's reading is from the book A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance*

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November 21

I learn that safety is where we make it

~Ekua Omosupe

We each have different images of safety. Some associate safety with having a secure job, enough money (however we define "enough"), a home of our own, or a partner willing to stick by us forever. Some think safety comes with being given a clean bill of health by a physician. But not everyone who has these things feels truly secure, and many who lack them walk fearlessly through their days.

Material comfort, physical health, promises - there is no guarantee that any of these will bless us permanently. A true, lasting sense of safety lies elsewhere. We are safe when we know so well who we are that no one can dissuade us from our self-knowledge. We are safe when we decide to trust the love our Higher Power has for us. We are safe when we are more concerned with how we can serve others than with what they can do for us or take from us.

Safety comes from having an open mind, a generous heart, and a resilient spirit.

Today, my knowledge and acceptance of who I am and my deepening relationship with a Higher Power give me a feeling of security.

Today's reading is from the book Glad Day

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November 22

Hanging on to Old Relationships

We want to travel baggage-free on this journey. It makes the trip easier. Some of the baggage we can let go of is lingering feelings and unfinished business with past relationships: anger; resentments; feelings of victimization, hurt, or longing.

If we have not put closure on a relationship, if we cannot walk away in peace, we have not yet learned our lesson. That may mean we will have to have another go-around with that lesson before we are ready to move on. We may want to do a Fourth Step (a written inventory of our relationships) and a Fifth Step (an admission of our wrongs). What feelings did we leave with in a particular relationship? Are we still carrying those feelings around? Do we want the heaviness and impact of that baggage on our behavior today?

Are we still feeling victimized, rejected, or bitter about something that happened two, five, ten, or even twenty years ago? It may be time to let it go. It may be time to open ourselves to the true lesson from that experience. It may be time to put past relationships to rest, so we are free to go on to new, more rewarding experiences.

We can choose to live in the past, or we can choose to finish our old business from the past and open ourselves to the beauty of today. Let go of your baggage from past relationships.

Today, I will open myself to the cleansing and healing process that will put closure on yesterday and open me to the best today, and tomorrow, has to offer in my relationships.

Today's reading is from the book The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency*