Today's Thought - September

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September 16

Shame can hold us back, hold us down, and keep us staring at our feet.

~Beyond Codependency

Watch out for shame. Many systems and people reek of shame. They are controlled by shame and may want us to play their game with them. They may be hoping to hook us and control us through shame.

We don’t have to fall into their shame. Instead, we’ll take the good feelings—self-acceptance, love, and nurturing.

Compulsive behaviors, addictive behaviors, overeating, chemical abuse, and addictive gambling are shame-based behaviors. If we participate in them, we will feel ashamed. It’s inevitable. We need to watch out for addictive and other compulsive behaviors because those will immerse us in shame.

Our past, and the brainwashing we may have had that imposed “original shame” upon us, may try to put shame on us. This can happen when we’re all alone, walking through the grocery store or just quietly going about living our life. Don’t think…Don’t feel…Don’t grow or change…Don’t be alive…Don’t live life. Be ashamed!

Be done with shame. Attack shame. Go to war with it. Learn to recognize it and avoid it like the plague.

Today, I will deliberately refuse to get caught up in the shame floating around in the world. If I cannot resist it, I will feel it, accept it, then be done with it as quickly as possible.

Today's reading is from the book The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency*

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September 17

I always warned my little brother, “Don’t tell! No matter who asks, don’t tell!”

~Madeline C.

Adult children are all too familiar with keeping quiet and laying low. We knew it was our job, though it wasn’t always stated, to keep the blanket of secrecy tucked in tight. “They”—our friends, teachers, neighbors—must never know. So we said nothing. Ever.

For many of us, not talking became a habit. And so did defensiveness, rationalization, and lying. To us, leaping from a plane without a parachute would have felt less dangerous than talking freely to a friend. “Sharing is dangerous!” the old tapes cry out when we momentarily relax in comradeship.

The task is to let go of the long-held secrets. No matter how painful the opening up process may be, it is absolutely essential to recovery. For us, sharing means heartache and happiness, triumph and tragedy—one the wellspring of the other. Silence is the prison; sharing is the key.

Today, I will remember that trusting a friend is not dangerous and will open myself to honest sharing.

Today's reading is from the book Days of Healing, Days of Joy: Daily Meditations for Adult Children*

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September 18

Safety is all well and good; I prefer freedom.

~E. B. White

Addiction seduced us into believing we were safe. We had problems, and we ran to the bottle or our pills. We calmed down and felt safe, at least at first. It was only later into our illness that we learned we were trapped. We had exchanged our freedom for dependence. Addiction is the loss of freedom. Addicts can’t say no. This is the nature of our illness.

Recovery is about freedom. But all freedom comes at a price. We must work to create freedom for ourselves and to help others get free. With freedom comes choice, and with choice comes responsibility. Until confronted, we often don’t realize that we’re avoiding responsibility with excuses and blame. And we’re not alone. Dependent people don’t like responsibility. We want others—our families, our friends—to take care of us. To keep from slipping into old behaviors, we need to confront ourselves and avoid retreating into old, “safe” habits.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, you gave me free will, and I exchanged it for dependence. Help me to accept your gift and all the responsibilities that come with it. Give me the power to do your will.
Today's Action

Today I will list the different ways I’ve avoided responsibilities. Then I will ask myself, “Am I still avoiding becoming a responsible person?”

Today's reading is from the book God Grant Me: More Daily Meditations from the Authors of Keep It Simple*

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September 19

Everyone suddenly burst out singing.

~Siegfried Sassoon

The child within us wants to come out and play. The adult in us may resist, but why not do it anyway? Having fun and letting go of rigid personas is as important to recovery as loving relationships.

Having fun is an attitude as well as an activity. We can have a good time with everything we do—well, almost everything. But dancing around the living room, taking a day off work, doing something artistic, taking a child to the zoo—the world is full of things that are enjoyable. It might even be fun to make a list of things that are fun. Being willing to have fun frees the spontaneous, goofy, carefree parts of ourselves. We can show that side to people and practice not caring what they think. While we don’t have to abandon our boundaries, it’s good to take a risk and let go. In the end it’s our spirits that are freed.

Who knows? We might even jump off the high pinnacle of the adult world and laugh as we take the fall.

Discovering what I have fun at, and doing it, helps me grow in my recovery.

Today's reading is from the book Answers in the Heart

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September 20

Asking for Help

The smartest thing a Twelve Step member can say is “help me.”

~Anonymous

The weight of carrying the world on our backs has been removed from us in recovery. It is good to remember the world was never ours to carry in the first place. Our program prevents us from setting ourselves up for failure. Most of us are used to being the Lone Ranger. Instead of silver bullets, we left empty lives. Our solitude taught us never to ask for help, always to go it alone. Our isolation produced a pitiful figure we would dress up in toughness.

This, of course, was phony, because inside we were anything but tough. When we operate alone, pretending to be strong and in control, we set ourselves in motion to experience depression and pain. “Stinking thinking” flourishes in isolation. The key to unlocking the many gifts of the fellowship is asking for help. There is strength, wisdom, and hope, all waiting for us if we ask for help.

I have learned to ask for help and to help when I am asked.

Today's reading is from the book Easy Does It: A Book of Daily Twelve Step Meditations*

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September 21

Some people spend their lives failing and never notice.

~Judith Rossner

It’s doubtful that those of us in Twelve Step programs fail at something very often without taking special notice. We’re more likely to see a setback as a sign we’re complete failures than as a necessary learning experience for growth.

The Big Book’s suggestion that this is a program of progress, not perfection may be fine for everyone else. But we still often feel we must get every promotion we try for, or an “A” on every exam, or win every game when we bowl. To be merely good, or worse yet only average, is much too humiliating.

When we’re feeling this way, it’s way past time for a talk with our Higher Power. How swiftly we forget that whatever our particular limitations, talents, or abilities, we always have a place in God’s plan. We are not expected to accomplish more than we can today. We are expected to be human, learning as we go. In God’s world we are perfect just as we are.

I will learn from my mistakes and accept my limitations today.

Today's reading is from the book In God's Care: Daily Meditations on Spirituality in Recovery*

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September 22

The world has more depth in autumn. So, it seems, does my soul.

~Jane Nakken

The earth prepares to rest when autumn comes. Trees shed their leaves, flowers drop their blooms, grass grows more slowly. This can be likened to our own periods of quiet contemplation when we outgrow old ideas and prepare for new direction in our life.

It’s good that we have resting periods. We can’t know where or how far we want to go if we haven’t taken time to measure how far we have come. The fall of the year is a good time to do another Fourth Step inventory.

What’s the point of repeated inventories? Sponsors tell us that growth is never ending and that we can direct it best if we clearly know where we are right now. The only certain way of knowing that is through careful assessment of who we are today. Let’s stop and rest and contemplate our journey. Then let’s plan for the next leg.

My quiet times will inspire my journey today. I will be prepared for a new direction if that feels right.

Today's reading is from the book A Woman's Spirit: More meditations for Women*

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September 23

Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.

~Franz Kafka

We ask ourselves, “What really counts when everything else is stripped away? What do we still value?” Beauty is one of those values for many of us. It might be the beauty of the outdoors, solitude in the wilderness, a symphony, a special painting, or the athletic grace of a pitcher as he hurls the baseball across home plate. Something stirs within us when we see beauty. Many would call that a spiritual experience because it seems to touch the soul of our being.

We can feel vulnerable when we have such experiences, and some of us have learned to run roughshod over those moments. We smother that part of our soul so that we don’t have to feel our manhood threatened. Now we are learning new lessons. We are growing into stronger, more open, and more spiritual men. Beauty, wherever we see it, is part of our spiritual life.

Today, I am open to the stirring in my soul when I see beauty.

Today's reading is from the book Stepping Stones: More Daily Meditations for Men*

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September 24

AA Thought for the Day

“Those who do not recover are people who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault. They seem to be born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living that demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover, if they have the capacity to be honest.” Am I completely honest with myself and with other people?
Meditation for the Day

You can make use of your mistakes, failures, losses, and sufferings. It is not what happens to you so much as what use you make of it. Take your sufferings, difficulties, and hardships, and make use of them to help some unfortunate soul who is faced with the same troubles. Then something good will come out of your suffering and the world will be a better place because of it. The good you do each day will live on, after the trouble and distress have gone, after the difficulty and the pain have passed away.
Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may make good use of my mistakes and failures. I pray that some good may result from my painful experiences.

Today's reading is from the book Twenty-Four Hours a Day: A Spiritual Resource with Practical Applications for Daily Life*

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September 25

Large streams from little fountains flow.

~David Everett

Somewhere nearby, no matter where we are, runs a creek. We've seen plenty of them, narrow and rocky. In summer it's hardly a creek at all, but in the spring, it feeds a mighty river.

Each of us is like that creek, a trickle contributing to some greater plan. Sometimes we feel dried up, contributing nothing. Often we feel small, rocky, not up to the task—when we can understand what the task is.

Sometimes the task seems too simple—get up each morning, love and work and live the day as honestly as we can. What kind of contribution is that? Sometimes it seems too complicated. How much more we could contribute if we could see the whole river—where it begins and ends—if we knew what would happen tomorrow.

So we ebb and flow. And in our moments of contentment, we know we are doing the best we can each day.

What contribution, however small, can I offer the world today?

Today's reading is from the book Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families*

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September 26

…except when to do so would injure them or others.

~Second half of Step Nine

We have to be careful when we make amends. We must think about people’s well-being. Can we help them heal by being direct with them? Or would this hurt them again?

At times, this means not making direct amends. Sometimes, it’s better to make some other kind of amends. If you’re not sure how to make amends to someone, ask for advice from your sponsor and your group. And pray. Over time, you’ll know if making direct amends is the right thing to do. Remember, Step Nine means we’re responsible for our actions. In recovery, our actions can be healing. Healing takes place when we love ourselves and others. And love is what heals us.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, I’ve hurt people in the past. Please use me now to help those people heal. Give me good judgment, courage, and good timing.
Action for the Day

I will never be able to make direct amends to some people. I will think of other kinds of amends I can make to them. I can pray daily for their healing.

Today's reading is from the book Keep it Simple: Daily Meditations for Twelve Step Beginnings and Renewal*

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September 27

A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work.

~Geoffrey Norman

Exercise changes our thought patterns in beneficial ways. Often we may feel irritable or blue and see nothing we can do about the situation. Then we are amazed at what simply going for a half-hour walk will do. Although our situations don’t change, we are changed in how we respond to them. Exercise—whether going for a walk, working in the garden, playing ball, or scrubbing a floor—clears our minds. After some physical movement we find our thoughts getting clearer. Ideas come to mind that help us cope, and our spirit is energized.

Research has shown that many cases of depression are eased by a program of vigorous daily exercise. In a sense, our Higher Power speaks to us through our muscles and bones when we move them. This spiritual experience, like many others, never comes from thinking about it, only from doing it.

Today, I will make time for physical activity.

Today's reading is from the book Touchstones: A Book of Daily Meditations for Men*

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September 28

Letting go

If addiction is about control, recovery is about letting go. If addiction is about denial, recovery is about accepting what is.

As we spend time in the program, we learn something unexpected and amazing: life is so full of twists and turns, it’s easier to follow along than to try to straighten them out. It’s easier to have fewer expectations because, after all, we have no control over the future or the present.

Can I practice letting go?

Higher Power, help me to be open, flexible, and accepting in my recovery.

Today I will let others make decisions and let go of…

Today's reading is from the book Day by Day: Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts*

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September 29

Parallels between the Military and Recovery

Whenever I went outside the wire, I always knew that I had men to my left and right who were there fighting for me just as I was fighting for them. Down range, your unit’s cohesion is the thing that will accomplish the mission and keep you alive.

Recovery is not much different. Some of the words that are ever-present in the rooms of recovery are the ones that echo the sentiment that you never have to go through this alone again. You have people to your left and right who will go out into the world with you and fight for you if need be. That cohesion will accomplish that mission. And it will most certainly keep you alive.

So be grateful for the team that you have on both these battlefields. It’s a beautiful thing to know that you’re not alone when life shows up and things get real. It’s a godsend to have those people willing to fight for you just as you are a blessing to them for the very same reason.

Today I will make the conscious effort to be a present and active part of the team that might keep someone alive and bring them home safely.

~Bradley L., U.S. Army, 2005–2010

Today's reading is from the book Leave No One Behind: Daily meditations for Military Service Members and Veterans in Recovery*

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September 30

Reflection for the Day

Over and over, I see that those who make the best and steadiest progress in the program are those who readily accept the help of a Higher Power. Once they can do that, it’s easier for them to get out of their own way. Their problems then seem to resolve themselves in a way that is beyond human understanding. Do I realize that the effectiveness with which I connect to my Higher Power’s consciousness in my daily life depends on me?
Today I Pray

May I know that my recovery and growth depends on my being in touch with my Higher Power, not just once in a while, but always. It means turning to that Power several times a day to ask for strength and knowledge of my Higher Power’s will. When I understand that my own life is part of a Higher Plan, I will be less apt to trip and fall, head off in the wrong direction, or just to sit tight and let life pass me by.
Today I Will Remember

To be Higher Power?conscious.

Today's reading is from the book A Day at a Time: Daily Reflections for Recovering People*