Today's Thought - November

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November 1

... [To] take something from yourself, to give to another, that is humane and gentle and never takes away as much comfort as it brings again.
--Thomas More

We take different kinds of pleasure in giving. Perhaps the purest is the gift to a child so young it doesn't really know who the gift came from; the pure joy that the teddy bear or pull-toy produces is our regard, unmixed by any expectation of return.

When children get older, we want something back from them: gratitude, respect. The gift is less pure. When lovers exchange gifts, their pleasure is often tinged with anxiety: Did I give more than I got? Did I get more than I gave? Or with power: He'll always remember where he got that shirt; she owes me something for the fur jacket.

To friends and relations our gifts reflect many things: our appreciation of their lives, our shared memories, our prosperity. We tend to give in a spirit of self-expression.

Perhaps the closest we can come to a pure gift is an anonymous one; a gift of volunteer work, of blood, or a contribution to a charity. Such a gift which can never be acknowledged or returned by those it comforts can heal our spirits when they are wearied by too much ego.

The gift of myself can be a gift to myself.

You are reading from the book:

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg

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To give in the Spirit of love is to receive in the Spirit of love, oh the Joy of giving unconditionally is unparalleled.

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November 2

Love-ability

A friend of mine recently told me how he met his wife. He had watched her walk by his store every day for a year with her young son. She also happened to be a friend of his neighbor.

"Fix me up," he suggested to his neighbor. "We'll go on a double date. I really want to meet her." Unfortunately, the neighbor never got around to setting up that first date.

Finally my friend devised a plan. Every day when she walked by the store, they said hello to each other, but she never stopped to chat. This day, he was ready. He had his store keys in hand. "Would it be all right if I walked with you for a while?" he asked when she walked by.

"Don't you have to mind your store?"

"I'll lock it up," he said.

"You don't have to do that," she said. "We can sit here and chat."

That Friday, they had their first date. She was nervous.

The next weekend, they went out again. She was still nervous. He turned to her, "You can relax," he said. "I'm not going to try anything inappropriate. I just want to enjoy your company." As time passed, she did relax, and they continued to become friends. Three years later, they were married in a small ceremony. "I didn't want to overwhelm her son," my friend recalled.

He wrote his wedding vows. He promised to love her and care for her all of his life. He promised to love her son and protect him, as if he were his own. She lit up his life, he said, and he was grateful for her promise of companionship for the rest of their lives.

My friend is a lucky man, but not just because he found someone he truly loves. He is lucky because he is able to recognize the gift of his wife's love. Most of us have the ability to see when we have been harmed, hurt, or slighted, when we're not loved or treated the way we'd like to be. But we can learn to see those acts big and small when someone shows us love. They are the greatest gifts of all.

Call it believing we deserve love, lovability, or love-ability, the value is opening our eyes and hearts so we can see and receive love from others, friends, family, romantic involvements, and God.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie

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November 3

Recovery is civil war, but it is a war that can be won.
--Sister Imelda

How often do we hear people say, "Sure, I know it's the right thing to do - but it's easier said than done!'' But "it," whatever "it" is for each of us, is actually easier done than not done. As hard as it is to turn our will and our behavior toward recovery, failing to recover is much harder. Ultimately, any price we pay for recovery is far less than the cost of giving up everything we've gained.

Some of us have a very difficult time making phone calls. Others are scared to death of speaking at meetings, talking to strangers, or admitting that we have feelings. But the alternative has simply been too painful. Whatever we have to do is worth it. The payoff is immense. How many of us, when we did attend that meeting that frightened us, felt an enormous surge of self-confidence and happiness? How often, when we have stood our ground and found it did not kill us, have we felt that we could lick the world? The payoff is that we learn to like ourselves more, and that is as good as it gets.

I will make sure today that I am not forgetting the benefits of recovery and only considering the price of recovery.

You are reading from the book:

Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty

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November 4

When we are feeling unloved and depressed and empty inside, finding someone to give us love is not really the solution.
--Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D.

Each of us wants to be significant to someone else. And we are - we're significant to all the lives we're touching at this very moment.

The emptiness we sometimes feel is a good reminder that the women and men in our lives need our attention. Too much self-focus fosters our feelings of loneliness, and then with desperation we look to others to fill us up. The paradox is that we heal ourselves while offering our attention to another who is, by design, on our path.

It is not by chance our lives are intertwined. Loving someone today will heal two wounds, ours and theirs.

You are reading from the book:

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

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November 5

Letting go is a decision.

The obsession to pressure other people to see things our way keeps us agitated. In contrast, the wisdom to understand that every person's view has validity, at least for that person, is a gift we receive from working the Twelve Steps. Our daily assignment, then, is to be patient and listen so that we may learn this lesson from women and men who have walked this path already, women and men who have come to understand that letting go of others and their addictions promises relief from the obsession that troubles each of us.

Look around. All of us have tried to force solutions that didn't fit. And we drove ourselves crazy trying to control the behavior of others, certain that "doing it our way" was not only reasonable, but right. Our past sometimes may appear to be a series of failures. But our present experience can be peaceful, hopeful, and successful. It's our decision to let go. A small decision that we can make many times today, every day.

"Let go" are tiny words with huge rewards. If I want to, I can give up my attempts to control someone today. Peace will be my reward.

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

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November 6

Imagination has always had powers of resurrection that no science can match.
--Ingrid Bengis

In the imagination are transmitted messages, from God to us. Inspiration is born there. So are dreams. Both give rise to the goals that urge us forward, that invite us to honor this life we've been given with a contribution, one like no other contribution.

Our imagination offers us ideas to ponder, ideas specific to our development. It encourages us to take steps unique to our time, our place, and our intended gifts to the world. We can be alert to this special "inner voice" and let it guide our decisions; we can trust its urgings. It's charged with serving us, but only we can decide to "listen."

The imagination gives us another tool: belief in ourselves. And the magic of believing offers us strength and capabilities even beyond our fondest hopes. It prepares us for the effort we need to make and for handling whatever outcome God has intended.

My imagination will serve me today. It will offer me the ideas and the courage I need to go forth.

You are reading from the book:

Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey

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November 7

Where is God?

AA members have always had a difficult time explaining the "God business." We didn't want to be considered religious, but at the same time we've always believed some contact with a Higher Power is necessary for real personal growth.

There's nothing wrong – for our purposes – in simply visualizing God as a Higher Power that has always been within us and around us. "Before they call, I will answer," goes an old saying, and that was true even in our darkest days. Many of us can look back to realize that a certain force was moving us toward recovery long before we knew we needed any recovery. Many of us also believe that a Higher Power helped bring AA into being and move it along to become a worldwide force for good.

But God works in ways that can seem to come from chance or coincidence. Quite often, we'll find that little events had far-reaching results in our lives. When we review how such things happened, we should not conclude that this happens only to certain "special" people. All human beings are part of God's creation and can avail themselves of guidance and direction. The more serious problem is that guidance and direction are sometimes ignored or rejected.

I'll go about my affairs today with the knowledge that my Higher Power is making the important decisions in my life. I'll come out about where God wants me to be.

You are reading from the book:

Walk in Dry Places by Mel B.

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November 8

First Things First - Order

Busy people often declare, with some exasperation, that they cannot do everything at once. People with emotional problems, a group that includes many alcoholics, often feel that they are trying to do everything at once. Quite often, this pressure means that we waste our time fretting about all the things facing us, becoming totally ineffective as a result.

The simple slogan "First things first" shows us how to set priorities in an orderly way. In every situation or problem, there is always one step we can take that is more important than the others. Following that, we find a step of second importance, another of third importance, and so on. Sometimes, a certain action comes first simply because other things depend on it.

By using "First things first" as a guiding principle in our lives, we can live in an orderly, disciplined manner. If we have work to do today, we can plan to do the most important things first. If we have to reduce our activities, we can decide which activities we ought to retain. Having made these decisions, we can be at peace about our choices. We cannot do everything at once and we need not feel guilty about it.

Knowing that order is Heaven's first law, I'll do things today in an orderly manner.

You are reading from the book:

Walk in Dry Places by Mel B.

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November 9

To be alive is to be hungry.

Our appetite for life is good. It keeps us reaching, growing, enjoying, and yearning to fulfill our potential. When our basic needs are satisfied, our hunger propels us to search for more elaborate gratification.

Here is where we often run into trouble. Instead of progressing through the hierarchy of needs to the spiritual level, we get stuck in an attempt to make quantity - more things, more people, and more activity - substitute for quality. And quantity alone is never enough.

It's good that we're hungry. Our appetite motivates us to feed our body in a healthy way and also to feed our mind, heart, and spirit. Our needs pyramid, and our hunger leads us beyond quantity to the quality experiences that fill our emptiness. We read, we share, we love, we pray, we listen, we accomplish, we dance, and we feast on the fullness of life.

Today, I will direct my appetite to quality experiences.

You are reading from the book:

Inner Harvest by Elisabeth L.

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November 10

Reflection for the Day
In the old days, I saw everything in terms of forever. Endless hours were spent rehashing old mistakes. I tried to take comfort in the forlorn hope that tomorrow would be "different." As a result, I lived a fantasy life in which happiness was all but nonexistent. No wonder I rarely smiled and hardly ever laughed aloud. Do I still think in terms of "forever"?

Today I Pray
May I set my goals for the New Year not at the year-long mark, but one day at a time. My traditional New Year's resolutions have been so grandly stated and so soon broken. Let me not weaken my resolve by stretching it to cover "forever" - or even one long year. May I reapply it firmly each new day. May I learn not to stamp my past mistakes with that indelible word, "forever." Instead, may each single day in each New Year be freshened by my new-found hope.

Today I Will Remember
Happy New Day.

You are reading from the book:

A Day at a Time (Softcover) by Anonymous

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November 11

There is no right way to pray.

Prayer is not a requirement of Twelve Step programs like Al-Anon. In fact, the program has no requirements. It has only suggestions that if followed will change how we see our experiences. This, in turn, mysteriously changes our very experiences. One suggestion is that we seek, through prayer and meditation, to know God and God's will for us.

The idea of prayer scares some of us initially. It seems religious. However, we learn from other people, if we're open to their words, that the program is not religious but spiritual. This means that we can expect help from a Power who wants to safeguard our lives. All we have to do is let that Power in, using any method that feels comfortable. Kneeling to pray isn't for everyone. Having friendly casual "chats" appeals to some. Others seek knowledge of God in a bird's song or a flower's blossom. Whatever is comfortable is not only adequate but appropriate.

Praying in our own special way becomes a wonderful habit. It protects us all day long, giving us strength every time we need it.

I will relish my moments with God today. They will help me in every circumstance. I'm never alone as long as I remember God.

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

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November 12

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

We pray for "courage to change the things we can.'' Change requires giving up familiar old ways to try something new. Even though the old ways brought us pain, they were known. Changing them for new ones feels risky; it could lead to pleasure . . . or to even more pain.

But if we don't try, we'll never know whether we can handle a new job, go back to school, work out a new relationship, or breathe new life into an old one. To try something new, we have to be willing to take risks and be vulnerable. We have to accept the responsibility and the consequences if our venture does not proceed as we had hoped it would.

Perhaps our addiction was a way of avoiding risk. Rather than take the chance of failing at something we wanted to do or being rejected by someone to whom we offered our friendship, we focused on our addiction. Are we ready, now, to take risks for something we really want?

Today, I can take a small risk in the interest of enriching my life.

You are reading from the book:

Inner Harvest by Elisabeth L.

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November 13

The way to love anything is to realize it might be lost.
--G. K. Chesterton

Every day we take so much for granted. But we can count certain blessings: a roof over our head, food, clothing, family and friend, freedom, a Higher Power we trust. These things are special. Thinking about them wakes up our happiness. Our recovery program shows us how to be happy. We just have to remember to do what it tells us!

Step Ten helps us wake up our happiness. Each evening, as we think about our day, we can give thanks for the things we love; our recovery, our health, and the special people in our lives. If we spend part of our day thinking about these important areas, we won't lose them.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me make the most of my blessings today.

Action for the Day

Today, I'll tell five people I love that I'm glad to have them in my life. And I'll tell each of them one reason why.

You are reading from the book:

Keep It Simple by Anonymous

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November 14

...we live several lives in one lifetime.

Waking up from a terrifying dream, we first sigh with deep relief, "Thank God it was just a dream." After we have made a big mistake in real life we long for the chance to undo it. We do not get to undo those moments, but life is still full of second chances . . . and third and fourth chances. The big question is. Do we learn from our experiences?

In some ways, we live several lives in one lifetime and we have several phases in one relationship. Today is a new day, and it presents all the possibilities of a new beginning. We have learned from the past. As painful and difficult as our experiences were, we can feel stronger today because we have learned from them. Injustice and fateful accidents can befall anyone. Yet many difficult times never need to be repeated. Today we can be grateful for another day with all the new opportunities it brings.

Name one way you are different today because of what you have learned from your experience.

You are reading from the book:

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum