Language of Letting Go - July 2014

[MajestyJo]

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Receiving

Here is an exercise.

Today let someone give to you. Let someone do something nice for you. Let someone give you a compliment or tell you something good about yourself. Let someone help you.

Then, stand there and take it. Take it in. Feel it. Know that you are worthy and deserving. Do not apologize. Do not say, "You shouldn't have." Do you feel guilty, afraid, ashamed, and panicky? Do not immediately try to give something back.

Just say, "Thank you."

Today, I will let myself receive one thing from someone else, and I will let myself be comfortable with that.

This was hard to for me to learn. I use to pooh hoo things away, justifying or rationalize things, play down my part and excuse my behaviour, words, and taking on an attitude that said, "It isn't wasn't all that important" which meant I wasn't worthy of receiving a gift.

If we are not open to receiving, we are closed to the gifts of recovery. If you shut down, you prevent the negative and the postive from coming in. How can you acknowledge it if you are not open to receiving it. When we are using people, places and things, we do not appreciate or value the gifts that come our way. A simple thank you works wonders.

[MajestyJo]

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Who Knows Best?

Others do not know what's best for us.

We do not know what's best for others.

It is our job to determine what's best for ourselves.

"I know what you need." . . . "I know what you should do." . . . "Now listen, this is what I think you should be working on right now."

These are audacious statements, beliefs that take us away from how we operate on a spiritual plane of life. Each of us is given the ability to be able to discern and detect our own path, on a daily basis. This is not always easy. We may have to struggle to reach that quiet, still place.

Giving advice, making decisions for others, mapping out their strategy, is not our job. Nor is it their job to direct us. Even if we have a clean contract with someone to help us - such as in a sponsorship relationship - we cannot trust that others always know what is best for us. We are responsible for listening to the information that comes to us. We are responsible for asking for guidance and direction. But it is our responsibility to sift and sort through information, and then listen to ourselves about what is best for us. Nobody can know that but ourselves.

A great gift we can give to others is to be able to trust in them - that they have their own source of guidance and wisdom, that they have the ability to discern what is best for them and the right to find that path by making mistakes and learning.

To trust ourselves to be able to discover - through that same imperfect process of struggle, trial, and error - is a great gift we can give ourselves.

Today, I will remember that we are each given the gift of being able to discover what is best for ourselves. God, help me trust that gift.

My best thinking got me to the doors of recovery. I had to learn to change and accept God`s Gift(s) as they were given to me as I travelled the recovery path.

[MajestyJo]

Thursday, July 3, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Directness

So much of our communication can reflect our need to control. We say what we think others want to hear. We try to keep others from getting angry, feeling afraid, going away, or disliking us. But our need to control traps us into feeling like victims and martyrs.

Freedom is just a few words away. Those words are our truths. We can say what we need to say. We can gently, but assertively, speak our mind.

Let go of your need to control. We do not need to be judgmental, tactless, blaming, or cruel when we speak our truths. Neither do we need to hide our light. Let go, and freely be who you are.

Today, I will be honest with others, and myself knowing that if I don't, my truth will come out some other way.

[MajestyJo]

Friday, July 4, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Celebrate

Take time to celebrate.

Celebrate your successes, your growth, and your accomplishments. Celebrate you and who you are.

For too long you have been too hard on yourself. Others have spilled their negative energy - their attitudes, beliefs, and pain - on you. It had nothing to do with you! All along, you have been a gift to yourself and to the Universe.

You are a child of God. Beautiful, a delight, a joy. You do not have to try harder, be better, be perfect, or be anything you are not. Your beauty is in you, just as you are each moment.

Celebrate that.

When you have a success, when you accomplish something, enjoy it. Pause, reflect, and rejoice. Too long you have listened to admonitions not to feel good about what you have done, lest you travel the downward road to arrogance.

Celebration is a high form of praise, of gratitude to the Creator for the beauty of God's creation. To enjoy and celebrate the good does not mean that it will be taken from you. To celebrate is to delight in the gift, to show gratitude.

Celebrate your relationships! Celebrate the lessons from the past and the love and warmth that are there today. Enjoy the beauty of others and their connection to you.

Celebrate all that is in your life. Celebrate all that is good. Celebrate you!

Today, I will indulge in the joy of celebrating.

It is okay to celebrate, it is how we celebrate that makes the difference.

My ex-husband decided to quit drinking, and he was coming up on 9 months. I told him that I would quit with him and be supportive. I went out with the girls and had a few drinks, after all he was the one with the problem. New Years came along and he decided to join me drinking white wine, what can a few glass do. It started him back into his full time addiction. The reality was he quit for 9 months, I couldn't and I excused my behaviour on him, because he was the drunk and I was in control, I didn't get drunk! Yeah right! So wrong!

[MajestyJo]

Saturday, July 5, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Survivor Guilt

We begin recovering. We begin taking care of ourselves. Our recovery program starts to work in our life, and we begin to feel good about ourselves.

Then it hits. Guilt.

Whenever we begin to experience the fullness and joy of life, we may feel guilty about those we've left behind - those not recovering, those still in pain. This survivor guilt is a symptom of codependency.

We may think about the husband we've divorced who is still drinking. We may dwell on a child, grown or adult, still in pain. We may get a phone call from a non-recovering parent who relates his or her misery to us. And we feel pulled into their pain.

How can we feel so happy, so good, when those we love are still in misery? Can we really break away and lead satisfying lives, despite their circumstances? Yes, we can.

And yes, it hurts to leave behind those we love. But keep moving forward anyway. Be patient. Other people's recovery is not our job. We cannot make them recover. We cannot make them happy.

We may ask why we were chosen for a fuller life. We may never know the answer. Some may catch up in their own time, but their recovery is not our business. The only recovery we can truly claim is our own.

We can let go of others with love, and love ourselves without guilt.

Today, I am willing to work through my sadness and guilt. I will let myself be healthy and happy, even though someone I love has not chosen the same path.

This was a biggy for me, in childhood and in recovery. I saw my brother killed and it was all my fault. I was 3 years old. I seemed to take the responsibility for everything that went wrong, real or imagined.

When I went into treatment, there were 11 women in the house, only 3 of us graduated, others left or were asked to leave. Three of us got a year sober and had been a big part of each other`s recovery in the beginning. The other two relapsed at 15 and 18 months and I was devastated. I wondered what I did and could I have done more.

I am powerless over other people`s choices. I can`t take it personally. I need to pray and ask for help for my own guilt, mostly self-inflicted, or a false sense of responsibility and pride.

[MajestyJo]

Sunday, July 6, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Step Seven

Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
—Step Seven of Al-Anon

In the Sixth and Seventh Steps of the program, we become willing to let go of our defects of character - issues, behaviors, old feelings, unresolved grief, and beliefs that are blocking us from the joy that is ours. Then we ask God to take them from us.

Isn't that simple? We don't have to contort ourselves to make ourselves change. We don't have to force change. For once, we don't have to "do it ourselves." All we have to do is strive for an attitude of willingness and humility. All we have to do is ask God for what we want and need, and then trust God to do for us that which we cannot do and do not have to do for ourselves.

We do not have to watch with bated breath for how and when we shall change. This is not a self-help program. In this miraculous and effective program that has brought about recovery and change for millions, we become changed by working the Steps.

Today, God, help me surrender to recovery and to the process by which I become changed. Help me focus on the Step I need. Help me do my part, relax, and allow the rest to happen.

Step Seven falling short of who my God would have me be in today. Step Seven is my worry and anxiety that I act out on instead of taking them to my Higher Power.

As it says, "Trusting the process." The healing is there. I no longer have to get off of buses. I can go into a grocery store and shop and not leave my cart in the aisle because I can not cope. I can walk over bridge and grates. I can stand at my window and go out on my balcony when there is a thunder storm instead of hiding under the bed covers. For so many years I used my bed to hide from reality.

[MajestyJo]

Monday, July 7, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Getting It All Out

Let yourself have a good gripe session.
From: " Woman, Sex, and Addiction"
—Charlotte Davis Kasl, Ph.D.

Get it out. Go ahead. Get it all out. Once we begin recovery, we may feel like it's not okay to gripe and complain. We may tell ourselves that if we were really working a good program, we wouldn't need to complain.

What does that mean? We won't have feelings? We won't feel overwhelmed? We won't need to blow off steam or work through some not so pleasant, not so perfect, and not so pretty parts of life?

We can let ourselves get our feelings out, take risks, and be vulnerable with others. We don't have to be all put together, all the time. That sounds more like codependency than recovery.

Getting it all out doesn't mean we need to be victims. It doesn't mean we need to revel in our misery, finding status in our martyrdom. It doesn't mean we won't go on to set boundaries. It doesn't mean we won't take care of ourselves.

Sometimes, getting it all out is an essential part of taking care of ourselves. We reach a point of surrender so we can move forward.

Self-disclosure does not mean only quietly reporting our feelings. It means we occasionally take the risk to share our human side-the side with fears, sadness, hurt, rage, unreasonable anger, weariness, or lack of faith.

We can let our humanity show. In the process, we give others permission to be human too. "Together" people have their not so together moments. Sometimes, falling apart - getting it all out - is how we get put back together.

Today, I will let it all out if I need a release.

Get it ALL out, don't wait and think about it and hold onto it for a while, when we stay stuck in our past thoughts and actions, we stay stuck. Pray and ask your God to take it from you.

[MajestyJo]

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Going with the Flow

Go with the flow.

Let go of fear and your need to control. Relinquish anxiety. Let it slip away, as you dive into the river of the present moment, the river of your life, your place in the universe.

Stop trying to force the direction. Try not to swim against the current, unless it is necessary for your survival. If you've been clinging to a branch at the riverside, let go.

Let yourself move forward. Let yourself be moved forward.

Avoid the rapids when possible. If you can't, stay relaxed. Staying relaxed can take your safely through fierce currents. If you go under for a moment, allow yourself to surface naturally. You will.

Appreciate the beauty of the scenery, as it is. See things with freshness, with newness. You shall never pass by today's scenery again!

Don't think too hard about things. The flow is meant to be experienced. Within it, care for yourself. You are part of the flow, an important part. Work with the flow. Work within the flow. Thrashing about isn't necessary. Let the flow help you care for yourself. Let it help you set boundaries, make decisions, and get you where you need to be when it is time. You can trust the flow, and your part in it.

Today, I will go with the flow.

Tonight is an example, having problems with concentration. I have had a lot of pain today, and because my swelling is in my body, just not me feet, I have problems with going with the flow.

I have to pray and ask for all the blockages, blocks, old ideas and wrong choices, that have clogged up my veins. Eating the wrong kind of foods can do it, especially when you are like me and diabetic.

Tonight I made so many errors, it is time to call it a night. Things are not computing.

[MajestyJo]

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Overspending and Underspending

I used to beat my husband to death with my credit card. It made me feel like I had some control, some way to get even with him.
—Anonymous

I spent ten years buying everything for myself at garage sales. I didn't even buy myself a new pair of shoes. The entire time I was depriving myself, my husband was gambling, speculating on risky business deals, and doing whatever he wanted with money. I learned that when I made a decision that I deserved to have the things I wanted, and made a decision to buy something I wanted, there was enough money to do it. It wasn't about being frugal; it was about depriving myself, and being a martyr.
—Anonymous

Compulsive buying or overspending may give us a temporary feeling of power or satisfaction, but like other out of control behaviors, it has predictable negative consequences.

Under spending can leave us feeling victimized too.

There is a difference between responsible spending and martyred deprivation. There is a difference between treating ourselves well financially and overspending. We can learn to discern that difference. We can develop responsible spending habits that reflect high self-esteem and love for ourselves.

Today, I will strive for balance in my spending habits. If I am overspending, I will stop and deal with what's going on inside me. If I am under spending or depriving myself, I will ask myself if that's necessary and what I want.

A good topic, for so much of my life, I robbed Peter to pay Paul, making partial payments, especially if I want to buy something for me, instead of being responsible.

It took me a long time in recovery to get to a stage in my life where my cheque lasted for the whole month, without borrowing. That sure didn't work, and was a big wake up for me, on the second half of Step One. My life is unmanageable when managed by me. I could justify and rationalize anything and I learned when I got into that kind of thinking, I was acting on Self-Will, God had no part in it. I wasn't open to what He said, and as they say, I became constitutionally incapable of being honest with myself, even though I tended to blame my lack and life on everyone else. Someone was always at blame with no willingness to be responsible for my own decisions and life style.

Like the line about underspending allows me to be the martyr and victim. Again with the blame game, and I can't feed into it when it is projected onto me.

[MajestyJo]

Thursday, July 10, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Ending Relationships

It takes courage and honesty to end a relationship - with friends, loved ones, or a work relationship.

Sometimes, it may appear easier to let the relationship die from lack of attention rather than risk ending it. Sometimes, it may appear easier to let the other person take responsibility for ending the relationship.

We may be tempted to take a passive approach. Instead of saying how we feel, what we want or don't want, or what we intend to do, we may begin sabotaging the relationship, hoping to force the other person to do the difficult work.

Those are ways to end relationships, but they are not the cleanest or the easiest ways.

As we walk this path of self-care, we learn that when it is time to end a relationship, the easiest way is one of honesty and directness. We are not being loving, gentle, or kind by avoiding the truth, if we know the truth.

We are not sparing the other person's feelings by sabotaging the relationship instead of accepting the end or the change, and doing something about it. We are prolonging and increasing the pain and discomfort - for the other person and ourselves.

If we don't know, if we are on the fence, it is more loving and honest to say that.

If we know it is time to terminate a relationship, say that.

Endings are never easy, but endings are not made easy by sabotage, indirectness, and lying about what we want and need to do. Say what you need to say, in honesty and love, when it is time. If we are trusting and listening to ourselves, we will know what to say and when to say it.

Today, I will remember that honesty and directness will increase my self-esteem. God, help me let go of my fear about owning my power to take care of myself in all my relationships.

So true, I need to recognize old patterns and behaviours from my past. Some actions and wards are not acceptable to me in today, and the biggest need I need in today is communication, something that was very lacking in the past.

I also had to remember that I met people when I was using and in sobriety, I no longer have a strong connection and we have nothing in common with them. If I was in a relationship with someone who has my disease, I felt comfortable. When I got sober, living with someone who is still in their disease, is difficult and there must be a lot of love to stay with them, and Al-Anon helps to make a choice and come to a decision to go or stay. I try to ask myself, "What do I need for my Higher Good in today."

[MajestyJo]

Some links about relationships in recovery:

https://www.justloveaudio.com/resour...Step_Guide.pdf

http://www.12steps4recovery.com/handouts/handout-3/

http://www.elementsbehavioralhealth....participation/

[MajestyJo]

Friday, July 11, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Bring Any Request to God

Bring any request you have to God.

No request is too large; none too small or insignificant.

How often we limit God by not bringing to God everything we want and need.

Do we need help getting our balance? Getting through the day?

Do we need help in a particular relationship? With a particular character defect? Attaining a character asset?

Do we need help making progress on a particular task that is challenging us? Do we need help with a feeling? Do we want to change a self-defeating belief that has been challenging us? Do we need information, an insight? Support? A friend?

Is there something in God's Universe that would really bring us joy?

We can ask for it. We can ask God for whatever we want. Put the request in God's hands, trusting it has been heard then let it go. Leave the decision to God.

Asking for what we want and need is taking care of ourselves. Trust that the Higher Power to whom we have turned over our life and will really does care about us and about what we want and need.

Today, I will ask my Higher Power for what I want and need. I will not demand-I will ask. Then I will let go.

Got to love the title. As I often say, the steps are applicable to all part of my disease. I can take all part of my life to my God and He will help me by giving me the strength, courage, wisdom, direction, knowledge, clarity, etc. that I need to get through the day clean and sober.

As they say: It is often how it is said!

[MajestyJo]

Saturday, July 12, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Letting Go of Fear of Abandonment

"Where are you, God? Where did you go?"

So many people have gone away. We may have felt so alone so much. In the midst of our struggles and lessons, we may wonder if God has gone away too.

There are wondrous days when we feel God's protection and presence, leading and guiding each step and event. There are gray, dry days of spiritual barrenness when we wonder if anything in our life is guided or planned. Wondering if God knows or cares.

Seek quiet times on the gray days. Force discipline and obedience until the answer comes, because it will.

"I have not gone away child. I am here, always. Rest in me, in confidence. All in your life is being guided and planned, each detail. I know, and I care. Things are being worked out as quickly as possible for your highest good. Trust and be grateful. I am right here. Soon you will see, and know."

Today, I will remember that God has not abandoned me. I can trust that God is leading, guiding, directing, and planning in love each detail of my life.

Didn't think I was abandoned by the God of my understanding, I just was fearful of Him because of guilt and shame.

I felt abandoned by my father. Yet so much of abandonment is about abadoning ourselves. This was also a result of poor self-esteem and self-worth and every time I felt abandoned, it was all my fault, it was me who had done wrong.

[MajestyJo]

Sunday, July 13, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

God as We Understand God

God is subtle, but he is not malicious.
—Albert Einstein

Recovery is an intensely spiritual process that asks us to grow in our understanding of God. Our understanding may have been shaped by early religious experiences or the beliefs of those around us. We may wonder if God is as shaming and frightening as people can be. We may feel as victimized or abandoned by God as we have by people from our past.

Trying to understand God may boggle our mind because of what we have learned and experienced so far in our life.

We can learn to trust God, anyway.

I have grown and changed in my understanding of this Power greater than myself. My understanding has not grown on an intellectual level, but because of what I have experienced since I turned my life and my will over to the care of God, as I understood, or rather didn't understand, God.

God is real. Loving. Good. Caring. God wants to give us all the good we can handle. The more we turn our mind and heart toward a positive understanding of God, the more God validates us.

The more we thank God for who God is, who we are, and the exact nature of our present circumstances, the more God acts in our behalf.

In fact, all along, God planned to act in our behalf.

God is Creator, Benefactor, and Source. God has shown me, beyond all else, that how I come to understand God is not nearly as important as knowing that God understand me.

Today, I will be open to growing in my understanding of my Higher Power. I will be open to letting go of old, limiting, and negative beliefs about God. No matter how I understand God, I will be grateful that God understands me.

This is a spiritual program and in order to recover, I must learn to live a spiritual life. This opens the door to all religious beliefs.

God was always there, it was about me building a spiritual relatonship with a Higher Power of my own understanding. For me God is, as He reveals Himself to me in today.

[MajestyJo]

Monday, July 14, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

We Are Lovable

Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay.
—Codependent No More

Do you ever find yourself thinking: How could anyone possibly love me? For many of us, this is a deeply ingrained belief that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Thinking we are unlovable can sabotage our relationships with co-workers, friends, family members, and other loved ones. This belief can cause us to choose, or stay in, relationships that are less than we deserve because we don't believe we deserve better. We may become desperate and cling as if a particular person was our last chance at love. We may become defensive and push people away. We may withdraw or constantly overreact.

While growing up, many of us did not receive the unconditional love we deserved. Many of us were abandoned or neglected by important people in our life. We may have concluded that the reason we weren't loved was because we were unlovable. Blaming ourselves is an understandable reaction, but an inappropriate one. If others couldn't love us, or love us in ways that worked, that's not our fault. In recovery, we're learning to separate ourselves from the behavior of others. And we're learning to take responsibility for our healing, regardless of the people around us.

Just as we may have believed that we're unlovable, we can become skilled at practicing the belief that we are lovable. This new belief will improve the quality of our relationships. It will improve our most important relationship: our relationship with our self. We will be able to let others love us and become open to the love and friendship we deserve.

Today, God, help me be aware of and release any self-defeating beliefs I have about being unlovable. Help me begin, today, to tell myself that I am lovable. Help me practice this belief until it gets into my core and manifests itself in my relationships.

Yes we are!