Today's Thought - February

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February 1

Bring the body, and the mind will follow.
--Saying heard in meetings

Newcomer

What do people in recovery mean when they say they have "smart feet"?

Sponsor

In recovery, we develop daily habits that we don't question: the habit of attending meetings, the habit of picking up the telephone to call a sponsor or to share with another recovering person, the habit of starting and ending the day with our preferred combination of prayer, literature, and meditation. We do these things whether we feel like doing them or not, and in time they become second nature to us, automatic as our addictive behavior was in the past. If we don't have to discuss these habits with ourselves, argue about whether or not they'll make us feel better, or question whether we've outgrown them, our burden is lighter.

Once we're at a meeting or sharing with another recovering person or with our Higher Power, the unexpected happens. We're lifted out of the tyranny of addictive thinking. "Smart feet" are feet that carry us to a place we need to be, whether we know it ahead of time or not.

Today, I'm grateful for simple habits that open my heart and mind to recovery.

You are reading from the book:

If You Want What We Have by Joan Larkin

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February 2

The Program works if you want it to work.
--Anonymous

Rarely do climbers stare up to see how far away the top still is. Instead, when they rest, they look down toward the starting point of their journey. The view they see assures them that they have already come a long, long way.

Like the climbers, we need to keep our eyes on where we are and where we've been, not on where we're going. When we become discouraged with the progress of our recovery, we only need to look back over how far we have come. The rewarding view gives us courage to continue. Many of us recall times when we lived without hope and the sense of impending doom. Now we look forward to life with confidence.

Today, I will remember to face my climb with optimism. Even if my progress sometimes seems slow to me, it's still a long way from where I once was.

You are reading from the book:

Easy Does It by Anonymous

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February 3

Goodwill

Looking at other people with jealousy, envy, and mean and bitter thoughts isn't new to our world. The concept of giving other people the evil eye has been around for a long time. It's mentioned in almost every religion and culture in the world.

Sometimes we're not conscious of the darker thoughts we think. We might believe that ill will and the feelings connected with it - envy, jealousy, and resentment - are wrong. So when we feel that way, we push those feelings and thoughts aside.

"I remember lying in bed one night, tortured by my marriage, but believing it would violate my religious beliefs to get divorced," a woman said. "I started counting the years until I thought my husband might die. A light came on. I realized that wishing him dead was a lot worse than saying good-bye."

We want to believe there's a balancing force that prevails in the world. And while this force is balancing things out, we'd like to get some of the good stuff too. Hey, God, remember me?

Challenge:

The hardest thing about practicing goodwill is believing that when we're happy for other people - even when they're happier than we are - it will make us the happiest people in the world.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie

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February 4

Differences

. . . with no hidden cutting edge.

The respect and dignity a couple show each other set the table from which they are nourished for all other activities in their lives. Any feeling can be expressed in respectful or disrespectful ways. Anger is one of the most difficult to express respectfully. Everyone feels frustrated and angry at times. The crucial thing to learn is how to be angry and still be respectful - how to deal with our impatience without blame or put-downs. Many of us have to learn how to love without being possessive, how to be playful in a lighthearted way with no hidden cutting edge. When we treat our partner with disrespect, we pour poison into our own well. It may feel satisfying at first, but the long-term consequences are not good to live with.

When we are committed to respect in our relationship, we continue to learn at even deeper levels what respect truly means. We find that simply listening to each other - and letting in our differences - is a form of respect that nourishes us.

Name a difference between you and someone close to you that you respect.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie

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February 5

How the I pervades all things!
--William Ellery Channing

If we could extract the "I" from our thoughts, some of us would lose our focus. We have a tendency to think only of our comfort, our convenience, our point of view, our feelings, and our happiness.

What if we made a conscious effort every day to put someone else first? What would it cost? The results may surprise us, because one of the spiritual paradoxes is that putting another first, makes us happy. It may be hard for the I in us to release its hold, but focusing on the needs of someone else can bring us a sense of deep personal satisfaction.

Today I will focus on the needs of those around me, before my own.

You are reading from the book:

In God's Care by Karen Casey

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February 6

He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven.
-- Thomas Fuller

Often we're afraid to forgive others who've hurt us because we believe that, in doing so, we are permitting what they've done. This is not true. When we forgive, we are saying, "I pardon you, I give up any claim for revenge, you are no longer an enemy."

Relationships are not all black and white. We can forgive people and still not want to spend time with them. Forgiveness is for ourselves. It is a housecleaning of the heart. It feels good to sweep out the resentments and bitterness, lift up the windows, and let in the forgiveness.

Today let me offer forgiveness, either silently or out loud, to someone who has hurt me.

You are reading from the book:

Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast

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February 7

You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Owning Our Power
We need to make a distinction between powerlessness and owning our power.
The first step in recovery is accepting powerlessness. There are some things we can't do, no matter how long or hard we try. These things include changing other people, solving their problems, and controlling their behavior. Sometimes, we feel powerless over ourselves - what we feel or believe, or the effects of a particular situation or person on us.
It's important to surrender to powerlessness, but it's equally important to own our power. We aren't trapped. We aren't helpless. Sometimes it may feel like we are, but we aren't. We each have the God given power, and the right, to take care of ourselves in any circumstance, and with any person. The middle ground of self-care lies between the two extremes of controlling others and allowing them to control us. We can walk that ground gently or assertively, but in confidence that it is our right and responsibility.
Let the power come to walk that path.
Today, I will remember that I can take care of my self. I have choices, and. I can exercise the options I choose without guilt.

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February 8

You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Letting Go of Guilt
Feeling good about ourselves is a choice. So is feeling guilty. When guilt is legitimate, it acts as a warning light, signaling that we're off course. Then its purpose is finished.
Wallowing in guilt allows others to control us. It makes us feel not good enough. It prevents us from setting boundaries and taking other healthy action to care for ourselves.
We may have learned to habitually feel guilty as an instinctive reaction to life. Now we know that we don't have to feel guilty. Even if we've done something that violates a value, extended guilt does not solve the problem; it prolongs the problem. So make an amend. Change a behavior. Then let guilt go.
Today, God, help me to become entirely ready to let go of guilt. Please take it from me, and replace it with self-love.

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February 9

To avoid pain at all costs forces us to reject half the lessons life can teach.
--Jan Pishok

If we could remember that every experience we'll ever have is unique and offers us a lesson we will grow from, we'd accept them all with far greater ease. What's there to be afraid of anyway? God is never absent. In fact, God is present during every experience. Remembering this makes us courageous as we walk through the turmoil that interrupts the peaceful times.

Before coming to this program, we feared most of the situations that called to us, and understandably so. We were often trying to do the improbable without the wisdom or the guidance that might have guaranteed success. By taking the Third Step every morning of our lives, as has been suggested, we can positively influence the outcome of every experience we'll have. Hallelujah!

I will not avoid any experience today. I'll simply remember that God is present and that I need to know what calls to me.

You are reading from the book:

A Woman's Spirit by Karen Casey

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February 10

In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love, you want the other person.
--Margaret Anderson

The expression of real love is so easy between grandparents and children - and between good friends it passes effortlessly. But why is it so hard to share real love with a spouse or lover? Why, instead, do we want to possess them? And from them, we dream of selfless devotion. Yet neither possession nor devotion guarantees the security we long for.

Real love is not selfish; it frees both the giver and the receiver. Knowing we're loved sustains our hearts and diminishes our difficulties. It doesn't bind us, yet paradoxically it bonds our hearts. These encouragements to grow, to change, to dare to depart if it's for our own good, are expressions of real love. Real love is never ownership, only stewardship of this moment's experiences.

Let's be gentle with one another, and love fully with trust, as a child loves a grandmother.

You are reading from the book:

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

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February 11

No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave.
--Calvin Coolidge

There's really only one way to achieve self-respect and that is to act respectably. We can't go back and undo our past. But we can act and behave respectably today, so that when we close our eyes tonight to go to sleep, we can say we have self-respect. A day at a time or an hour at a time, it's our actions now that count. If we put our self-respect on hold, saying something like "I'll have self-respect when I graduate," or "I'll have self-respect when I get a good job," we are putting off what we should do today. But when we live in the present, knowing it's all we have, we can give our best effort to life today.

Today let me treat myself and all those I encounter with respect.

You are reading from the book:

Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast

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February 12

I find it awfully hard to give myself a break. I don't know where that attitude comes from.
--Walker I.

"I can't. I shouldn't. It's my fault." These self-abasing and self-defeating thoughts are expressions of shame. Because repeated thoughts turn into beliefs and long-held beliefs turn into actions, thoughts rooted in shame can lead to tragedy.

People who live in shame come to believe that it is not okay to make a mistake. They imagine they should know what to do without having to learn it. They think their wrong judgments mean they themselves are wrong.

But it is human to make mistakes. If we acknowledge we are human, we are defining ourselves as people who always have something to learn (Thomas Edison failed to perfect the light bulb until his ten-thousandth try). We are saying we have to keep going if our plans don't work out right away (Walt Disney went bankrupt seven times before he met with success).

"Thou shalt not be human" is the command of shame. What rubbish! How can we be anything else? Why would we want to be?

I pray I will live comfortably with human limitations. I will try to accept from myself what I accept from others.

You are reading from the book:

Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty

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February 13

What if?

I was talking to a friend one day about something I planned to do. Actually, I was worrying about how one particular person might react to what I intended to do.

"What if he doesn't handle it very well?" I asked.

"Then," my friend replied, "you're going to have to handle it well."

What ifs can make us crazy. They put control over our life in someone else's hands. What ifs are a sign that we have reverted to thinking that people have to react in a particular way for us to continue on our course.

What ifs are also a clue that we may be wondering whether we can trust ourselves and our Higher Power to do what's best for us. These are shreds of codependent ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving, and they signal fear.

The reactions, feelings, likes or dislikes of others don't have to control our behaviors, feelings, and direction. We don't need to control how others react to our choices. We can trust ourselves, with help from a Higher Power, to handle any outcome - even the most uncomfortable. And, my friend, we can trust ourselves to handle it well.

Today, I will not worry about other people's reactions or events outside of my control. Instead, I will focus on my reactions. I will handle my life well today and trust that, tomorrow, I can do the same.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

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February 14

Love, the magician, knows this little trick whereby two people walk in different directions yet always remain side by side.
--Hugh Prather

Destiny has its own course in each of our lives. And our movements with others who are special will thankfully be parallel at times. However, our paths will sharply intersect now and then and we'll even find ourselves at painful cross-purposes on occasion. But if the love we're expressing is part of God's plan for us and not just to satisfy the selfish ego, we'll not stray from one another's dream, though we may depart for brief periods of new growth.

We must fulfill our personal desires, vocationally and recreationally, if we are to successfully offer up our special talents for the goodness of humankind. And most assuredly that's why we're here - in this place - at this time - with these particular people.

Others cannot pull us from our true calling. If the love between us is real, it will free us and bless our direction - trusting our hearts will not be torn asunder.

The butterfly silently returns when the winds blow free.

You are reading from the book:

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

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February 15

Coping with Families

There are many paths to self-care with families. Some people choose to sever connections with family members for a period of time. Some people choose to stay connected with family members and learn different behaviors. Some disconnect for a time, and then return slowly on a different basis.

There is no one or perfect way to deal with members of our family in recovery. It is up to each of us to choose a path that suits us and our needs at each point in time.

The idea that is new to us in recovery is that we can choose. We can set the boundaries we need to set with family members. We can choose a path that works for us, without guilt and obligation or undue influence from any source, including recovery professionals. Our goal is to be able to take care of ourselves, love ourselves, and live healthy lives despite what family members do or don't do. We decide what boundaries or decisions are necessary to do this.

God, help me choose the path that is right for me with family. Help me understand there is no right or wrong in this process. Help me strive for forgiveness and learn to detach with love, whenever possible. I understand that this never implies that I have to forfeit self-care and health for the good of the system.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie