Dr. Twerski's Sober Thought - September

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September 1

Make the Wise Choice

If a child receives a gift of money, she could spend it or give it to a parent to invest. The second option does not mean surrender of choice. When we turn our will over to a Higher Power, we do not lose our ability to choose. Rather, by realizing that our will can get us into trouble, we make a free choice to adopt the will of a Higher Power as a guide through life. Chemicals are not the only foolish choice a person can make. We can avoid being blinded by temptation if we adopt the will of a Higher Power.

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September 2

Are You Killing Time?

Time is a valuable and irreplaceable commodity. While our culture is preoccupied with saving time -- microwave ovens, fax machines, jets -- it also wastes time. It is not unusual for a person to spend hours doing something meaningless. Some have turned to chemicals because of boredom. Addiction sometimes has its onset in retirees who do not know what to do with the time that had previously been occupied by work. Whether working or not, we should set goals in our lives that enable us to put time to good use. The time saved by our advanced technology should be a blessing, not a curse.

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September 3

Changing Ourselves to Face Reality

The backbone of recovery is the Serenity Prayer. God grant me the serenity to accept that which I cannot change, the courage to change that which I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Many expect the rest of the world to change to accommodate them. People who achieve true sobriety know this leads only to disappointment. When reality doesn't change to suit us, some people drink or take drugs. Being sober means adjusting to reality. And this adjustment is usually accomplished by making the necessary changes in ourselves, not in others.

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September 4

Recognize What is Worth Worrying About

One day at a time means we don't waste valuable time worrying about something that is out of our hands. Before you take an exam, worrying is constructive because you can study instead of whiling away your time. However, after the exam, when you must wait for the results, worrying is destructive. All the worrying in the world will not affect the result. Do what you can today, but if something is out of your hands, turn it over to a Higher Power. You'll be less exhausted, as well as happier and sober.

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September 5

Don't Let Your Guard Down to Addiction

If I were your mortal enemy, I would not attack when you were on guard. I would be nice to you, while I plan your destruction. Eventually you would become convinced I am a trusted friend and I can kill you with minimum effort. This is the way the chemical enemy operates. After you stop drinking or using, chemicals may not enter your mind for months. Eventually you think just one beer won't hurt. The enemy has made you think he is not only harmless but your best friend. If you don't believe this is true, just ask some people in recovery.

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September 6

Get Rid of Your Resentments

Rewards are slow in coming. Jim stated he was resentful of losing his job. But I will go to AA tonight and drop off my resentments. If I don't I will drink again. Jim and others like him know resentments are dangerous. But those who are not chemically dependent do not have a program that teaches the danger of harboring resentments, which may cause physical or emotional disorders. Jim ultimately was rewarded with a good job and an even higher salary. His greatest reward, however, is the personality growth he achieved in sobriety something difficult to acquire any other way.

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September 7

Don't Live a Masquerade

Some behaviors are constructive, but if we have not been accustomed to them we may resist them. We are often reluctant at first to express gratitude, say I'm sorry, or pray. Once we overcome resistance through practice, real feeling will follow. It is not good, however, to mislead people to think you are their friend when you really despise them. You may begin to believe your own lie and ending the masquerade can be difficult. As someone said, If the mask sticks to your face, some of your skin comes off when you remove it. To thine own self be true.

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September 8

Learning to Cope

is key to sobriety. When a challenge is truly overwhelming, as when your car is stalled on a railroad track and a diesel engine is heading toward you, it is appropriate to escape. However, some escape challenges that are not in fact overwhelming, and their escape is to alcohol or drugs. Self-awareness from working the Twelve Steps can help us discover character strengths we were unaware of, as well as eliminate defects of character. Sobriety can thus enhance self-esteem and help us cope more effectively. Our self-esteem is then further strengthened as we do indeed cope effectively with life's challenges.

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September 9

Reaching Rational Conclusions

Turning things over to a Higher does not mean we move to the passenger seat and expect God to drive. We are expected to act in order to bring about results we desire. There are times, however, when we may have done everything we can do to reach a certain goal, and there is just nothing more we can do. Once we have done what we can, we leave the rest to God. If you find Let go and let God difficult, ask yourself: What other option is there? Turning things over is simple common sense. Sobriety is the ability to think rationally.

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September 10

Admit Your Mistakes and Go On

The Tenth Step requires ongoing Personal inventory and prompt admission of any wrong. There is a tendency to become defensive or manufacture rationalizations. Not only is a failed cover-up embarrassing, but we may begin to believe our lies, which leads to an impaired sense of judgment. Admitting a mistake may be threatening to a fragile ego, but as our sense of self-esteem increases with sobriety, the realization that we are fallible to do wrong is no longer devastating. When we promptly admit we were wrong, we feel better for having been honest, and our self-esteem continues to grow.

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September 11

You Are Not the Higher Power

Some reject AA because of its emphasis on God. But difficulty with the acceptance of a Higher Power generally is an indication we think of ourselves as the highest power. A person whose drinking has ruined her life, who insists she can quit on her own, is considering herself omnipotent. I suggest to people who have difficulty with the concept of God they take the First of the Twelve steps and admit their powerlessness. When we admit powerlessness over chemicals, and when we no longer consider ourselves to be God, the difficulty in accepting a Higher Power disappears.

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September 12

Knowledge or Self-Consciousness?

A true self-awareness may prevent addiction. When our self is okay, we don't think about it. Self-consciousness is a symptom: something is wrong. But with emotional discomfort, the pain is often because we feel there is something wrong, even when there isn't. The logical solution is to achieve a true self-awareness by taking an inventory, which is the Fourth Step. Since we are apt to distort our observations about ourselves, we need an objective observer to help us, which is the Fifth Step. When we discover our real self, we can feel normal without mind-altering chemicals.

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September 13

Sober Judgment

Alcohol and drugs are equal opportunity destroyers. A good decision or judgment cannot be made when the brain is operating under the influence of a mind-altering chemical. But judgments are not limited to the courtroom. We all make judgments that affect not only our own lives but also the lives of others. Of greatest importance are people who are close to us, who are dependent upon us and may have no appeal from our judgments. Therefore, the responsibility is so much greater. Responsible people are not reckless. Responsibility requires sobriety.

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September 14

Healthy Dependencies

Some dependencies are healthy. I met with some people in AA, who said, We alcoholics are dependent people. When we stop drinking, we take our dependency off the bottle and put it onto AA. Dependency is a fact of life, not a trait unique to alcoholics. All humans are dependent in some way or other, and we all need one another to survive. We do not have a choice whether or not to be dependent. Our only choice is between having a sick dependency or a healthy one. Chemicals are a sick dependency. In recovery, we try to eliminate the sick dependencies and substitute healthy ones.

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September 15

The Power of a Community

In recovery there is community. A person who is not being paid for his work will get up on a subzero night to help a total stranger, with full knowledge that if the caller had a change of mind, the volunteer can have the door slammed in his face at best or thrown down the stairs at worst. Yet he responds to the call. Recovering people respond because of a sense of responsibility toward another human being, just as they had been helped. This sense of mutual responsibility is what constitutes a community.