Support In Recovery

[MajestyJo]

You don't always get your family back. I didn't have support from my family, it was my AA family that supported me, and as Al-Anon says, "Let us love you until you can love yourself."

Eventually, they saw that I was willing to change, and even though some didn't know where to put their face, they came to accept that I needed the program. One of the greatest days in recovery, was when my aunt and sister came to me and said, "Can I have one of your hugs."

The first year I went to the all day meetings on Christmas, Boxing Day, and New Years. I had to be in a safe place, using wasn't an option. They served turkey dinners and different groups took time slots to put on a meeting. It was a real blessing.

[MajestyJo]

It was important for me to get a support group. I got a little black book and I would listen to people share in meetings, and when I heard their shares and then when I saw them walking their talk, I asked them for their phone number.

I had a sponsor, a co-sponsor a woman who was Native-American because I had such a strong connection to their teachings, and a had a Service Sponsor. When I went to NA, I got a NA sponsor, the woman I got for a sponsor didn't think I was a real addict, because I didn't do street drugs, so that relationship did not last long. I ended up going to a fellow in AA, who was an addict, who had the NA literature and chose AA for his recovery. My last AA sponsor was a woman who was a recovering heroin addict who chose AA for her recovery. Their addictions started with alcohol. I went to AA, NA, ACoA, and then to Al-Anon to find myself. I also went to outside counselling. At 15 years sober, I had to go for extra counselling for sexual abuse counselling, even though I had it on my 4th Step, I had more feelings triggered by a relationship that ended and I had to have professional help. It is about being willing go to go any length to stay clean and sober. Life is, and I have to deal with it, or I will end up back out there, and that isn't an option. I choose life.

[MajestyJo]

Most people know who have been around the rooms for a while that H.A.L.T. means Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired.

What I tend to forget is that I need to work this slogan on all areas of my disease.

My disease is also four-fold. It is mental, emotional, spiritual and physical.

I need to make sure that I get food for the body, mind and spirit.

We think of recovering from our disease as mostly physical. We want to feel better. Yet in turn, our emotional and spiritual malady can make itself known physically.

I am reminded that anger corrodes the soul. Loneliness is part of isolation and part of my disease not my recovery. Tired is generally lack of 'food' and often a complacency which allows us to get in a rut or stand on what we have done in our recovery, not recognizing that this is a 24 hour a day program, not a 2-4 hour a day program.

I may want to take a holiday and yet my disease is always there waiting for me to put a HALT to my recovery. When I do that, the stinking thinking comes in and little substitutions come in and cloud my vision.

We do recover from that hopeless state of mind and body. We need to maintain our recovery, with Steps 10, 11, & 12.

When I become lax or when that stinking thinkings brings some thoughts of yesterday into today, I need to go back and do Steps 4-9. Every morning is a Step 1,2,3, Waltz.

This is a one day at a time program. I need to HALT and check to see where I am at in my recovery. Do I need to apply H.A.L.T. to my program in today?

A good reminder originally posted in 2010, it is a one day at a time program. It doesn`t matter what substance I chose to use, it is the thinking behind why I choose to pick it up. H.A.L.T. can help me not get to a place where I can say yeah or nay! and make a healthy choice.

[MajestyJo]

When I came into recovery, I didn't have a clue what letting go meant. Some days, many years of one day at a time, I still don't 'do' Letting Go very well.

I didn't have a concept of letting go. I didn't know how to do it and it took going to many, many meetings and listening to others that it just seemed to happen and the light bulb went on.

I was indeed, totally in the dark about this. It was my job to worry, fret, grit my teeth, etc. I have this problem you know, not knowing the problem was me.

Aug 30, 2007

Having a little chuckle, looking at my post and seeing that I was still clueless! ROFLMAO!

We can say I am letting go, but we think that is not enough. We say, "God, I give this to you," yet we don't believe, that is not enough, and we think there should be more.

Sometimes we go through the motion, but in truth we don't mean it, because we want to keep control. We don't doubt that God is capable, but we want to be in the know and can't bear the thought of not having a say in the outcome or a part in the decision.

Letting go, means letting go. Drop it already. Haven't you carried it long enough! What haven't you done, what haven't you tried? Do you remember Step Two? Doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results.

Step 3, "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." We make that decision daily. He will lead, guide, direct, give you strength, courage, wisdom, and any other thing you need for that day to live clean and sober, no matter what substance you choose to use to put between you and Him.

[MajestyJo]

Sharing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences with other people shows us who we are and helps us to accept ourselves. Those with whom we share also benefit.

Grant me courage and trust so that I may share.

Food for Thought

Really like this, and it made me think, it doesn't matter what we use in our life, food, alcohol, drugs, men, work, friends, etc. it is all rooted from the same source, ME!

Let it begin with me.

Went to a meeting one morning and someone asked me how I was. I said, "I am good, having a great day." He said, "What are you doing here then?" I smiled and said, "Passing it on."

There were days that were far from that, I went to meetings and it was there that I found myself, reflected in the faces of the people in the rooms. The words that were spoken were the words that I couldn't voice for myself. I got a little from this person, a lot from another, another I might not identify with, and another one would give me something to think about, and another would give me something that I would need later. They all contributed to my recovery, and for that, I will always be grateful.

This is a we program. Without them, there would be no me!

[dwmoeller]

I agree. Sharing does help us to accept ourselves. When someone can relate to what we are sharing, it helps them too. I posted a quote from a poster on a door in the daycare that I clean. It reads:

Have the courage to speak
and the wisdom to listen.

How true! For some people, myself included, it does take courage to speak and share in meetings. By listening we gain wisdom. (There are lots of gems that get thrown around at a meeting. I hope that you catch a few of them).

[MajestyJo]

It was important for me to share, if for no other reason to put some order to the chaos that was running around in my own head. Once I started sharing, the words came out in some kind of order, and I could see what direction they were taking and what I needed to do to change them.

By sharing, I could obtain a new perspective, that of my own and that of others. I could get feed back from others and give me food for thought. When it was rattling around in my head, it was generally going no where, just round and round giving me a head ache, it it was good to either journal or come on the computer and share my thoughts, put them out there, so I could either take action or rethink them. Most times, they need more prayer and asking for help or they wouldn't be all jumbled to begin with. If the Good Orderly Direction was there, the chaos wouldn't be!

[dwmoeller]

The Importance of Sharing at AA Meetings
Talking About Life in Recovery
One of the great benefits of the Alcoholics Anonymous program is that it provides a venue where members can go and talk about their recovery as well as any problems they experience along the way. This type of sharing can be highly therapeutic. If the individual who is doing the talking has built a successful recovery then can inspire other members. It is one of the main reasons why people continue going to the meetings even though they have been sober for many years.

How Sharing at Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings Work
The majority of time at AA meetings will be devoted to sharing. This is where members get an opportunity to speak. At most of these gatherings it is appropriate to discuss personal worries and concerns, but there can be some limitations on what the member should talk about such as:

* At Step Meetings the topic will be one of the steps. Members will be encouraged to share their experience of working that particular part of the program.
* At Big Book Meetings the theme will be a section of the text. Members will be encouraged to share on their understanding of that subject.
* At discussion groups a topic will be chosen beforehand and members will discuss this.
* During a general meeting there will be one member who talks about their life before and after AA. Once they have finished sharing the rest of the group will be allowed to share about anything related to what the speaker has said.

Benefits of Sharing at AA Meetings
Sharing at Alcoholic Anonymous meetings can be beneficial in a number of ways including:

* When people talk about what is going on in their life it allows them to release some of their pent up stress and tension. It is not always possible or desirable to talk to friends and family about worries and concerns. A 12 Step meeting can be the ideal venue for people to unburden themselves.
* Other members can offer a different perspective on problems. They may suggest something that the individual might have never considered on their own.
* When people share they feel more a part of the meeting because they are contributing something.
* Sharing can be a type of service in recovery. This is particularly true when members share things that are inspiring or provide advice for other members who are struggling. 12 Step meetings could not exist if members were not willing to share their experience and hope. A member can make a comment that might mean little to themselves but could be life changing for one of the listeners.
* Sometimes people are unsure about exactly what it is that is bothering them. They just have a vague sense of unease. It is only when they start talking at a meeting that things become a bit clearer to them.
* One of the nice things about opening up at meetings is that afterwards the speaker will feel less alone. There will almost always be other people in the room who have shared similar experiences.
* Things become clearer when they are spoken out loud. If people keep their problems and concerns internalized it can make things seem much worse than what they actually are.

The Dangers of Not Sharing at Meetings
If people avoid sharing at AA meetings it can be detrimental in a number of ways:

* This will usually mean that the individual will feel like an outsider in the group. They will not get the full benefit of being part of a fellowship.
* When people keep their own counsel it can be easy to slip into delusion and denial. If they have taken a wrong path in recovery this will often be obvious when they share at meetings. Other members will be able to advise them about how to get back on track, but this can only happen if they talk.
* One of the things that AA members tend to do before they relapse is that they stop sharing at meetings. They just sit there feeling resentful and angry and such stinking thinking leads them back to alcohol and drugs. If people are more open about their difficulties they will reduce the amount of stinking thinking they experience.
* If people do not interact at meetings it will make it harder for them to build friendships. Those who have a network of sober friends are far more likely to find success in recovery.

Concerns about Confidentiality at Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings
One of the concerns that people have about sharing at meetings is confidentiality. At these 12 Step groups the members are frequently reminded that what you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here. Despite this expectation of anonymity there is no guarantee that it is going to happen. If a member is still drinking, or if they have relapsed, they may have no compunction about discussing everything they have heard at the meeting.

Despite the risk of someone breaking the confidentiality of the meeting it doesn’t seem to happen very often. People can protect their anonymity by only speaking in a general way. So if they are complaining about their boss they should avoid using his name or mentioning the name of the business. This way people can talk about the things that are bothering them without having to worry that it will later cause them embarrassment.

Share or Speak to a Sponsor
There are some subjects that are so personal in nature that the individual will feel uncomfortable talking about them in public. In such a situation it is always better to talk to a sponsor. This will need to be an individual that the sponsee fully respects and trusts. It is usually OK to make vague mention of such problems at meetings but only divulge the full details to a sponsor. For example, a member might share that they are having family problems that are causing them some concern without actually describing the problem.

Suggestions for How to Share at AA Meetings
There are no hard and fast rules about how people should share at these meetings. The individual is free to say almost anything that is on their mind. There are some guidelines for how people can share effectively and in a way that is more respectful to other members. Here are a few of these suggestions:

* The most important thing about sharing is that people are completely honest. There is no benefit to be had by lying or exaggerating. The aim of talking at meetings is to get things out in the open. It is beneficial for the listener to hear things that are going to inspire them but only if what is being said is completely heartfelt and honest.
* This type of communication is called sharing for a reason. It means giving other people the opportunity to speak. Some individuals may be really struggling and really feel the need to share. They might not get this opportunity if some members are using up too much time at the meetings. It is good to remember that one of the main overall objectives of AA is to help the suffering alcoholic.
* Members should always put their hand up when they want to share and wait to be selected by whoever is chairing the meeting. It is considered rude and unfair to begin sharing without being invited to.
* The member should talk about themselves and not use this time as an opportunity to criticize other members. They should also avoid divulging any information publicly that would embarrass other members.
* People need to talk about where they are at in recovery, but it can be hard for other listeners when a member is constantly negative about everything. It is helpful to discuss the positives in life as well as the negatives; even when these positives seem to be in short supply.
* If people do not feel that they have much to say they are under no obligation to say too much. It is probably best to keep the share short, and allow other people who do need to talk the opportunity to do so.
* Some meetings will be devoted to a particular topic. When sharing people are expected to stay close to this topic and not take the discussion in a completely different direction.
* Members need to avoid using the meetings as an opportunity to promote their beliefs or personal causes. Subjects such as politics should be avoided because this will alienate other members, and such topics have no place in an AA meeting.
* It is best to avoid crude language because this will make some listeners uncomfortable.

from http://alcoholrehab.com/addiction-re...t-aa-meetings/

[dwmoeller]

You get support in recovery by attending AA meetings regularly and getting involved.

You get support in recovery when you replace your drinking friends with your AA friends.

You get support in recovery when you seek knowledgeable help when troubled. When in doubt, ask questions. The only stupid question is the one not asked.

[MajestyJo]

Have always loved the way the first 164 pages came to an end.


Still you may say: "But I will not have the benefit of contact with you who wrote this book."

We cannot be sure. God will determine that, so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave.

Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little.

God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got.

See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows.

Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us.

We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.

May God bless you and keep you-until then.

A friend of mine use to say to me, "...this is a program of suggestion! I use to say to him there are also some darn well betters, or you will go back out drinking; which he repeatedly did. The program works if I work the program. He was one of many I have heard say the program doesn't work for him. I always ask, "Did you work for the program?"

When I "clear the wreckage of my past that can still come up in today and work the Steps into my daily life and do service," I can find happiness in today.

[dwmoeller]

I like the quote from Bertha Calloway:

We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust our sails.

When we abandon ourselves to God as we understand him, as the steps tell us to, we come to realize that it is God who "directs the wind" in our lives. We can adjust our sails, (clear the wreckage from our past, admit our faults, and work our program). God will bless us and great things will come to pass for us on our sobriety journey.

[MajestyJo]

AA Thought for the Day
(courtesy AAOnline.net)

July 1, 2004

Acceptance

Acceptance is the key to my relationship with God today.
I never just sit and do nothing
while waiting for Him to tell me what to do.

Rather, I do whatever is in front of me to be done,
and I leave the results up to Him;
however it turns out, that's God's will for me.

I must keep my magic magnifying mind on my acceptance
and off my expectations,
for my serenity is directly proportional
to my level of acceptance.

When I remember this, I can see I've never had it so good.

Thank God for AA!

c. 2001 AAWS, Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 420.
With permission, Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

^*^*^*^*^

Thought to Ponder . . .
My disappointments are equal to my expectations.

* * *

AA-related 'Alconym' . . .
A B C = Acceptance, Belief, Change.

* * *

This is a good reading for me today, and every day after being with family. A lot of our relationships stem from our past and the distance due to age didn't allow us to bond when growing up, they were 1 and 2 when I was 5, when our house was struck by lightening, I remember they don't. I left home when I was 17, and I was 20 when my mom died and 21 when I married, and they were left to live with an alcoholic father. No alcohol was allowed in our home when mother was living and life changed when I left home.

My addiction put a further distance between us, and I was not a part of their lives as they built their lives and as their families grew, I was not a part of as much as I would have liked, especially now in recovery. I have to accept that, and even though I am clean and sober, that doesn't change the fact that you can't change what you never had. You can make new bonds and new relations. You can break old bonds and mend others, but you can't build on something that is not there, especially if it is all in your own head.


I think isolation was part of my DNA, and it was a way of life for me. It not only isolated my body but my spirit as well.

Just because it is family doesn't mean it makes it better or that we get to reunite with them. I found that I was an alcoholic who needed Al-Anon.