Wisdom For Today - March

[bluidkiti]

March 1

Wisdom for Today
My motivations for behaving the ways I did were not always healthy and often times got me into more trouble. When I look back at my active addiction to alcohol and drugs, it is clear that one driving motivation I had was fear. I lied to cover up the mistakes I made. I hid my drinking and using from other people so as not to be discovered. I didn't want anyone to know how much or how often I was getting wasted. I let fear make many of my decisions for me. I would avoid doing things because I was afraid. I would pretend I was okay even when I wasn't, because I was afraid to admit to myself how sick I was becoming.
Fear began to take over my whole life. It prevented me from being close with anyone. It made me run from a relationship with God. Fear would drive me to work harder to prove to myself I was okay. In the program I learned I could let go of my fears. I could turn them over, and I could let my Higher Power do for me what I could not do for myself. I learned I could ask others for help. I learned to trust people again and actually begin to make friends. Fear no longer had to control my life. Fear no longer had to motivate me to behave in self-destructive patterns. Fear could be replaced with faith in a Power greater than myself. Is fear still a motivating factor in my decisions, behaviors and beliefs?
Meditations for the Heart
God molds and shapes in our recovery. He cuts away the pieces of our lives that are unhealthy. He shapes and sculpts us into His new creation. This new shape becomes a vessel for our spiritual life. It allows us to experience ourselves as a complete person. I no longer have to walk around feeling like I am incomplete. I know that I am still a work in progress, but I also know that I am as complete as God wants me to be today. As I walk though my days of recovery, the vessel that God is creating becomes easier for me to see. I can begin to understand what He is doing and where I am being led. I can see that what He is doing is making me a better person. He is allowing me to learn a new way to live life to its fullest. Do I stand in the way of God shaping and molding me?

Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You know me on the inside and on the outside. You know how I can let fear get in the way of Your work in my life. Help me this day to be open to changes that You have in mind for me. Let me be open to becoming the person that You want me to be.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

March 2

Wisdom for Today
One of my motivations for drinking and using drugs was to get away from it all. I told myself I was drinking and using to escape. I wanted to get away from the stress of life. I wanted to get away from what caused me pain. I wanted to get away from the arguments, the responsibilities and the guilt. I wanted to get away from the loneliness and sadness. But this was not the real reason I was drinking and using drugs. This is not what I was trying to escape from.

The real reason I was trying to escape was to try and get away from myself. I could not stand the person I was. I wanted to blame everything and everyone else. But the real reason was I couldn’t stand me. I didn’t like me. I didn’t like being in my own skin. I didn’t like how I behaved, the choices I made. I didn’t like what I was becoming. I violated my own value system. I hurt those I cared for. I hurt myself. I had an underlying motive to destroy and punish myself. Recovery has changed all that. I no longer need to run from the person staring back at me in the mirror. Do I still try to run from myself?
Meditations for the Heart
God knows what it is that I need. I just need to go to Him and ask for what I need. I do not need to go to my Higher Power in the same way that others turn to Him. I need to go to God for my needs. When I am weak, I go to God for strength. When I am strong, I go to Him for humility. When I want to fight, I go to God for leadership. When I am afraid, I go to Him for reassurance and safety. When I need help, I go to my Higher Power for direction. God will supply my needs if I go to Him in an unselfish way and ask for what I need. When I am lonely, He is my friend. He does not always supply my needs in the way that I would expect, but He always sees to it that my needs are cared for. This is why I turn my will and my life over to His care. He fulfills my needs better than I ever could. Do I ask my Higher Power to fulfill my needs?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

So often I get things all turned around because I do not examine my motives, the real reasons I behave the way that I do. Help me this day to examine my motives and make choices that are healthy for me. Let me not overlook my motives, but instead turn to You to fulfill my needs. Even when I am not sure of what I need or not clear about my motives, help me to do the next right thing.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

March 3

Wisdom for Today
When I would go to the bar and the bartender would ask me what I wanted, I would respond, “Top shelf!” When I talked with my dealer and He would ask what I wanted, I would say, “More!” These responses were really a sign of a much deeper problem. I always wanted more. I always wanted it all, the best and a little bit of everything. I wanted to have money. I wanted happiness. I wanted to be a good husband and father. I wanted the best job. I wanted to be important. I wanted, and I wanted.
When it came right down to the heart of it, I was just plain greedy. Greed was a huge motivator for me. I envied others who had more than I did. I hated those people who found success when I could not find it. I was jealous of my friends when they had something I did not have. I wanted it all. My addiction to alcohol and drugs took away most of what I did have. My self-worth was diminished to a pile of rubble, and I still wanted it all. Greed motivated me to do things that I am not proud of: stealing, manipulating, and using others for my gain. In recovery I admitted defeat and no longer was greedy for anything. I just wanted to live. In recovery I have experienced grace and received much. Everything I have is as a result of God doing for me what I could not do for myself. I regained my family, got out of debt, no longer worry about police officers coming to get me and have found satisfaction and gratitude. Does greed still motivate my thinking, actions and decision-making?
Meditations for the Heart
At the end of many of the Twelve Step meetings I attend, they close with a prayer from the Bible – the “Our Father.” This is a prayer that I had prayed many times as a child, yet had little understanding of. In my drunkenness and active addiction to drugs, I rebelled against God. In recovery I was left with no choice but to turn back to God as I understand Him. Calling my Higher Power, “Father” was something that bothered me a lot at first. Maybe it was because of my own shame, or because of the issues I had with my own father, or maybe it was just because I had been such a poor father myself; but I struggled with whole concept of calling my Higher Power, “Father.” I am not really sure of all the reasons. However, in recovery, as I got more and more honest with myself, it became easier to see how childish I had behaved in my addiction. I was a child who needed a father. I guess that is how I always behaved. My Higher Power is there for me and loves me like the Heavenly Father He is, and today I can love Him back like a child. Do I see that I really need a Spiritual Father?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You are indeed my Spiritual Father; and You reach out to me and care for me. Give me direction, and love me simply because I am Your child. Forgive me for all my childish behaviors. Help me this day to rid myself of greed and to seek instead to be of service. Teach me to know Your will for me.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

March 4

Wisdom for Today
When I look back at my days of active addiction to alcohol and drugs, it is clear that the primary thing that motivated my thinking, behavior and choices was selfishness. I got high because I wanted to, and I got drunk because I wanted to. It was all about me. I really didn't stop to think about others; my drinking and drugging always came first. It didn't matter that it was important to others that I be responsible for my actions and choices. It didn't matter what consequences I might experience because of my choices or behavior. It didn't matter whom I hurt, including myself. What did matter was satisfying my compulsion to drink and get high.
Even when I was hitting bottom, I still thought about my desire to get high before I thought about others or myself. I really didn't care anymore about anything except my own selfish needs. In recovery I have learned a new way of living my life. Learning this new way of living was not something I could have done on my own. It has happened only because my Higher Power has done something for me that I could not do for myself. He has freed me from the selfishness that controlled my life. I am not bothered by the compulsion that drove me to an insane way of living. I can now get outside of my own selfish desires and seek to follow the path that the program has set before me. I can use each of the steps and the principles of the program to deal with any situation that happens in my life. I do not do this perfectly, but I am making progress. I have not yet reached the goal, but I am on the way that leads to it. Do I let selfishness come back into my life?
Meditations for the Heart
One step at a time, putting one foot in front of the other, I have followed the lead of my Higher Power to a new place. This new place is about change, and change is not always easy. In fact, I am often my own worst enemy. It does not matter if things are going well or things in my life are going badly. There is no situation in my life I can't make worse. In success I can get arrogant and over-confidant. In failure I can get self-destructive and want to just give up. Change is a part of life. I have a choice to accept that God will walk with me through all changes I face, or I can go back to dealing with life on my own terms. The longer I am in recovery the more natural it feels to let go and let God. It becomes second nature to seek after His will for me and ask for the power I need to carry out His will. If I turn to my Higher Power in all that I face, both the good times as well as the bad, I can be confident that He will lead me to where it is that I am supposed to be. Have I made a decision to turn my life over?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Keep me on the path of recovery today. Help me to seek You out in all that I do. Let me be of service to Your will as I walk through this day. Let me not even consider my own selfish ways, but instead help me to use the principles of the program to serve as my guide today. Help not only me but also all addicts and alcoholics who turn to You today for help and guidance.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

March 5

Wisdom for Today
"Just for today!" Three small words with a lot of meaning! Today was a very hard place to live in my addiction. Most of the time I lived in the past and was filled with regret and remorse, or I lived in the future and experienced life with a sense of morbid fear. What was going to be the next bad thing to happen in my life? Could it get any worse? Learning to live in today is a skill that I had to learn. I understood the words but had little understanding of how to put them into action. In early recovery it seemed I spent a lot of time dreaming about the past. It seemed that I couldn't stop thinking about getting wasted. If I wasn't thinking about the past, I worried about the future. Would recovery be worth it? Would I ever be happy again? I just didn't know.
It seemed like I didn't have the slightest clue of how to live in today. I worried about staying clean and sober for the rest of my life. I thought about all the bad things I had done. I just couldn't seem to get in today. Then one night at a meeting it all seemed to click. I was making myself miserable. Nobody else was doing this to me. I was doing it to myself. If I put even half the energy into staying in today as I did the future or the past, maybe, just maybe I could be happier. I am not sure what happened at that meeting or even what was said to get me thinking this way but it worked. I started focusing on just staying in today. Life didn't seem so complicated. Life got better - just for today! Do I live in today?
Meditations for Today
I now like getting up in the morning. This was not always the case. I used to worry about what I did the night before, but today things are different. I can wake up and start my day in a good way. I can start my day with my best friend. This is how I came to know my Higher Power. My Higher Power became my best friend, and I can start my day each day with Him. Some days I do better with this than others, but I know He is there for me each and every morning. Spending time with my best friend is a great way to start my day. It keeps me centered. It keeps me focused. It keeps me happy. It gives me someone to bring my problems to. I find answers to the questions I have. I find new questions to ask. I gain strength, hope, and occasionally I even get some wisdom. Yes, getting up in the morning is not hard to do at all anymore. Do I start my days differently now?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Each day You give me new breath. What I do with that breath is up to me. Help me to do what You want me to do today. Let me stay consciously aware of this day and Your plans for me in it. Thanks for being my friend and for all that You do for me!
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

March 6

Wisdom for Today
One important word I heard from my sponsor over and over again was the word, “Yet.” During the early days of my recovery, I spent a good deal of time comparing myself to others and looking for how I was different and unique. Repeatedly my sponsor reminded me that every difference I could come up with had not happened to me yet. He understood the progressive nature of the disease of addiction to alcohol and drugs. He helped me learn about the progression of this illness. The truth was that I was looking for excuses. I was looking for a way out of having to work a recovery program. I was looking for ways to reinforce my denial.

But that word, “yet,” is a powerful word. It was a word I definitely needed to hear. I needed to understand that my addiction indeed could and would get worse if I let it. Before the program I really didn’t have a choice. I simply obeyed the voice of addiction. Once I got clean and sober, I did have a choice to continue to listen to the voice of addiction, or to listen to the words of wisdom that my sponsor provided. I had to accept the reality that addiction was cunning, baffling and powerful. I had to accept that it was patient and would wait for me. Do I understand that “YET” can happen to me?
Meditations for the Heart
Reaching out to others has helped me a great deal in my recovery. But reaching out for things of the Spirit is what has kept me focused. When I reach out for things like beauty, love, honesty and unselfishness, I have been able to fully enjoy an abundant life in my recovery. It is reaching out for things of the Spirit that has changed my inmost being. In the program we learn of the promises that recovery has to offer. This too is an important “yet.” The promises can and do come true for those that work the program and accept the gifts that the Spirit brings. Do I take time each day to reach out for things of the Spirit?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Thank You for the people You have placed in my life to teach me the importance of the word “yet.” Let me this day be focused on things of the Spirit. Let me reach out for the gifts of the program, so that I may claim the gifts and promises that You have to offer. Let me walk through this day seeking only to do Your will.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

March 7

Wisdom for Today
A part of my trouble in recovery has been always to want to put things off. “Procrastination” should have been my middle name. When I was actively using alcohol and drugs, I was always trying to delay the inevitable. But this only kept me sick. I was very good at saying to myself, “I’ll quit tomorrow.” But tomorrow never came, and I would continue to get wasted. Stopping my insanity was not the only thing about which I procrastinated. I would put off paying bills and any other responsibility I could just so I would have more time to drink and use drugs.

In recovery I soon discovered that this character defect was still very active in my life. My sponsor would ask me to do something; and I would put it off as long as I could, always providing lots of excuses. I still did not want to put any energy into my recovery. I kept looking for an easier, softer way. Delay tactics and avoidance abounded in my life. It wasn’t until I honestly admitted to others and myself that procrastination is what my will wanted to do that a door was finally opened. I began to understand that if I was going to surrender completely, I needed to turn over my will to my Higher Power. I began asking God, as I understand Him, what He wanted me to do and began to do those things. Whether it was as simple as going to work or completing step work for my sponsor, I was able to begin to accomplish things. I still do not do this perfectly, but I keep getting better at it. I am making progress. How much is procrastination a part of my life?
Meditations for the Heart
Many people have asked the question, “What is the purpose of life?” I am not a philosopher or someone that pretends to know everything, but I believe for the alcoholic and addict the answer to this question lies within the program. “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we …” Our purpose is to achieve this spiritual awakening. We work through each of the steps and are training the soul for this awakening. In each of the steps we learn spiritual principles, acceptance, hope, turning it over, surrender, confession, etc. As a result of honestly working these steps, we achieve this awakening. Our character is molded and shaped by our experience in working these steps. A revolution takes place in our soul, and we are awakened to a newness of life. We gain a new understanding of meaning and purpose for our lives. Am I training my soul through working the steps?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Each day I need to remind myself to do Your will and not my will. Help me this day to accept the tasks that You set before me and to continue to do the next right thing. Help me to let You decide when I need to rest and when I need to work. Let me actively engage myself in training my soul for Your Divine Purpose.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

March 8

Wisdom for Today
Today is a wonderful day, for I have no reason to fear. There was a time when this was not the case. I can remember always looking in the rearview mirror and expecting to see the police. I recall always being concerned about what my boss was thinking and wondering if he was on to me. I recall being wrapped up and controlled by fear. It made many of my decisions for me. I no longer need to be afraid because of what the program has done and continues to do for me.

Facing addiction to alcohol and drugs is not something I need to do alone. I have a support system of other addicts and alcoholics in my corner. I have a strong relationship with my Higher Power. I have a sponsor and many friends I can rely on to see me through the struggles I have in my life. Not having to face life alone and having confidence that my support system will not let me down has helped me rid my life of constant fear. Knowing that I can go to my Higher Power for strength and courage helps me to stay on track and deal with problems I may face rather than looking for a way out. Yes, today is a wonderful day. Am I facing life with courage?
Meditations for the Heart
One thing I learned in my addiction was that drinking and drugging were not as reliable as I first thought they were. In recovery I am really beginning to understand that God, as I understand Him, is very reliable. He is always there for me. All I need to do is turn to Him and let Him know what is going on and ask for direction. In His own way He reaches out to me and lets me know what I need to do. Sometimes I hear His words in what others say at meetings. Sometimes I hear His words in my morning readings and meditations. Sometimes I hear Him in the quiet places of my soul. But He is always there and always reliable. This is more than I can say for alcohol and drugs. They left me hanging in the lurch all the time. I never knew where to turn. I didn’t know which way was up. In recovery I have learned to look up for my answers. Do I have faith in the reliability of my Higher Power?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Let me rejoice in this day because it is a day that I no longer have to fear. I know that this gift is from You, my Divine Spirit. Let me always turn to You in my time of need. Let me always listen for Your voice for the answers I am seeking. Help me this day to walk the walk that You want me to walk. Keep me on the right path.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

March 9

Wisdom for Today
Sometimes I grow restless in my recovery. I have an itch that something is not right with my life. I grow impatient, and I want my life to change. This restlessness of the spirit is something that all addicts and alcoholics experience from time to time in the recovery process. We can try to ignore the itch, but this does not work. The restlessness continues. When I grow restless, I have discovered that it is often because I have left something undone. I have unfinished work to do. It may be because I have more work to do on one of the steps. It may be because I have become lazy in my spiritual life and not attended to taking care of myself spiritually. It may be because I have become stubborn about not making changes that I need to make. It may be that I have let my meeting attendance or service work slip.

Regardless of the reason, my restlessness is a sign to which I need to pay attention. This restlessness of my spirit tells me that something is amiss in my life. Ignoring this restlessness only can lead to trouble. All of us know what happens when we ignore a health problem and try to be our own physician. The problem becomes worse until we finally seek help. Unfortunately, sometimes people wait when they become restless until it is too late, and the consequences can be severe or even deadly. When my spirit becomes restless, I know I must not try to be my own physician. I need to reach out to others in the program and talk about what is going on until I discover what the cause of my restlessness is. Once I discover what this restlessness is about, I continue to use others in recovery to help me bring the restlessness to an end. Do I pay attention to my spirit when it becomes restless?
Meditations for the Heart
To know peace is to receive a gift from God. In the midst of a world that often surrounds me with noise and confusion, I can know peace. I can know a peace that passes all human understanding. I can know a peace that is a gift from God, with whom I have a relationship. I can have a serenity that allows me not to be bothered by all the noise and confusion. I can walk through my day without being troubled by worry. I truly wish I were capable of hanging onto this peace in all that I do, but the reality is that I can get caught up in all the distractions that the noise and confusion can bring. In recovery I give thanks for the time I can hold onto this peace. I get better at holding onto it for longer periods of time the longer I stay clean and sober. Still I find too often I want to get back in charge and end up ruining the peace I have. At times when this happens, I go back to the beginning and honestly admit that I am lost again. I ask my Higher Power to lead me back to the path that leads to His peace. I surrender, and I find the peace again, or more accurately I should say His peace finds me. Am I open to accepting His peace?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

You know how I can get off track and know how easy it is for me to be distracted. Help me this day to stay focused and open to receive Your gift of peace. Should I become restless today, help me to take action to correct whatever is out of whack. Help me to use the tools and the people You have put in my life. Let me not ignore restlessness in my spirit.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

March 10

Wisdom for Today
There are many things that determine if someone is going to successful in staying clean and sober. But it starts in one place for all of us, a capacity to be honest. Each of us regardless of how far down we have gone must start recovery with an honest admission that we are licked. I had to admit that living my life my way just didn’t work. Like many addicts and alcoholics I continued to play games and tried to make bargains with recovery, but it just didn’t work. Eventually I had to honestly admit defeat. Addiction had won; it was stronger than I was.

At the point of my admission that I was defeated came the beginning of victory. In desperation I reached out, and I looked deep within. I drew on the last bits of decency inside of me and on the finite possibility that there might be another way. I was fortunate to have had some spiritual training as a child. I could draw on these memories and reach out to a God that I really didn’t yet understand and honestly ask for help. I was able to draw on the last pieces of morality that existed inside. I have had to do an awful lot since that day to stay clean and sober, but I know that this honest admission is where recovery started for me. This honest admission that I was desperate and needed help was the beginning. Have I had this spiritual experience?
Meditations for the Heart
Today I have learned much about what it is that I need to do to stay clean and sober. I have learned much about how to live my life. I do not do this perfectly, but I am always making progress. I have had to deal with many traumatic events in my life in recovery just like many of my peers. Just because we stop drinking and using does not mean that we don’t have any more problems. But those that handle these problems with help from others and do it without relapse all have something in common. Each of us has worked hard to make countless small deposits into out spiritual bank. Each time I am filled with gratitude and praise for the grace I have been given, I make a deposit. Each moment I spend in prayer and meditation I make a deposit. Each time I rely on God’s will for me rather than my own, I make a deposit. Each time I seek to improve my conscious contact with God, as I understand Him, I make a deposit. Steadily over time these deposits grow. Then when tragedy comes – and in this life it does happen, I am able to make withdrawals from my spiritual bank. My Higher Power, who manages this account, always sees to it that I have enough reserves. He never gives me more than I can handle. He makes sure that I have what I need to cope with any crisis, struggle or setback. Am I faithfully making deposits in my spiritual bank?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

You indeed have shown me Your love. I have done nothing to deserve Your care and concern, yet You have graciously reached out to me in moments of defeat and lifted me up. You make sure that I have what I need each day. Let me walk with You hand-in- hand today on this journey of recovery.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

March 11

Wisdom for Today
“Once an alcoholic or addict – always one!” If we keep drinking and using, we only get worse. The only question is how quickly and how bad. There is no cure for this disease. It can only be arrested. We are granted a daily reprieve and must make choices one day at a time how we are going to live. It does not matter how long I have been clean and sober. I know if I were to go back it would not take long, and I would be as bad or worse off than I was when I was first granted this daily reprieve. In looking at the history of the program, this point has been proven over and over. No one has been able to go back and recapture the “good old times.”

Finally, I came to my bottom. For each of us this bottom is relative. Many of us lose jobs or family. Many are financially devastated and left broke. Some end up in jails and prisons, and others in hospitals or institutions. Regardless of how far down we have traveled, all of us have a profound soul sickness. We become spiritually bankrupt. We hate what we have become and our way of living. I did not think life was worth living anymore. I was left with no choice except to die or do something about it. Am I glad that I have chosen to do something about my addiction? Am I making good choices just for today?
Meditations for the Heart
Faith is not a matter of my heart or mind seeing; it is simply a matter of trusting. I was not sure that I could even make it in recovery. I came into the program and saw others making it. I was close-minded. I had no vision for the future. Fortunately I did not need this vision. God is not in a box. He is not contained in space or time. He is timeless and not limited in space. His vision for my life was all that I needed. I came to believe that God’s vision for me was better than my vision. I was trapped inside this box that addiction created. God was not trapped by this box and could see for me things that I could not see for myself. He knew where I needed to go and what I needed to do. All I needed to do was find faith to believe that God could and would lead me out of the box. Today I recognize that even this faith that I received is a gift of His grace. I did not come to believe on my own. I came to believe because He helped me believe. Have I gotten a vision of faith since coming into the program?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Today I want to walk in harmony with You. Help me this day to follow You with eyes of faith. Strengthen my belief that You are in my life to help me out of the box of addiction. Grant that I may find healing for my soul sickness. Lead me on the path that leads to serenity.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

March 12

Wisdom for Today
I can remember sitting in a dark room, holding a bottle, my mind spinning and thinking, "I must be crazy; only a crazy person would act the way I do." Even during times when my mind wasn't clouded with drugs or alcohol, I can remember wondering if I was just plain evil. I recall feeling as if I had no moral character whatsoever. I could not understand why I was so weak and could not say “No” to drugs or alcohol. Even when I wanted to say “No,” I could not. There had to be something terribly wrong with me. I had to be mentally ill or just a bad person or something.
Then I walked into the program and was given a new vision of whom I was. I was told that I had an illness. I was told that my drinking and drugging had a name, a name called “Addiction.” I listened to people share their history and knew that my experiences were very similar to what they were talking about. This was a tremendous discovery, to find out that I was not alone. Other people had been through the same thing I had been through. They had found a way to stop drinking and using. They had found a way to stop the insanity. They had found a new freedom. They found something that I wanted. Am I willing to go to any length to get what the program offers?
Meditations for the Heart
I recall very early in my recovery walking on the shore of a large lake wondering if I was going to make it. I remember screaming at God that night, wondering where He was. I recall being filled with anger and feeling like too much was being asked of me. I was so wrapped up in my own world that I didn't even notice the storm that was approaching behind me. Suddenly there was a bright flash of lightning and a crack of thunder. A moment later the skies opened up and a drenching rain came down, and the wind howled. I ran back to my vehicle and climbed inside. Then I drove to the clubhouse to go to a meeting. When I walked in someone looked at me and said, "I see you survived the storm." The program indeed helps us survive the storms of life if we build our recovery on a solid foundation. God is that rock for me. Obedience to His will is what has kept my recovery going even through the storms of life. Have I discovered that God still loves me and cares for me even when I am angry with Him?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Today I am grateful for all the people who have gone before me to show me the way. I am grateful for their stories and have learned much from them to help point me in the right direction. Sometimes I still get frustrated and even angry along this journey. Thank You for being my rock, a rock that remains solid even in my anger and wayward ways. Thank You for loving me always.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

March 13

Wisdom for Today
In recovery I have had to learn to change my thinking. I needed to rehab my mind and begin to use wisdom as a guide. I had to learn to think, think, think. I could no longer think of drinking or drugging in the same way. I had to look beyond the short-term gain and focus on the long-term pain. I cannot afford the short view. It tells me that somehow this time will be different. It tells me that drinking or drugging will somehow cure my problems and that it will help me cope. It tells me that no one will know; but, of course, I will know. This short-term view will only lead to more pain.

The long-term view forces me to look past the bottle. It forces me to see beyond the night of partying to the morning after. It forces me to see that no matter how good alcohol or drugs look right now, the picture will look very different the next day. Recovery forces me to take a long-term view of alcohol and drugs. It has taught me to reeducate my mind and seek after God’s will for me. Even on the days that recovery requires me to do things I don’t want to do, I have learned that I need to listen to that still, small voice of my Higher Power and remain obedient to His plans for me. Have I learned to change my thinking and see the long-term pain that addiction always brings?
Meditations for the Heart
If I am honestly working to live the way that my Higher Power wants me to live, I can seek and find His guidance through quiet meditation. When I focus my mind on His will for me, I am given answers to decisions I must make. I am given direction for my path in life. I am given encouragement and strength for my day. The words of the Lord’s Prayer, “Thy will be done,” take on a whole new meaning. Recovery is not about my will, but it is about listening to and obeying His will for me. If I act on the clear guidance I receive when I meditate on His will for me, I am much more likely to look back at the end of my day and have no regret. The problems I have today are because I again adopt to live a life of self-will. However, the serenity and peace of mind I have are directly proportionate to my willingness to use God’s wisdom as my guiding principle. Am I seeking His guidance through quiet meditation? Am I willing to obey the guidance I receive?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Today let me seek after Your wisdom through quiet meditation. Give me courage to act on and obey the wisdom I receive from You. Help me to change my thinking and adopt a long-term view of addiction. Let me see the insanity of a short-term view.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

March 14

Wisdom for Today
Fellowship without the steps is empty. Fellowship in and of itself is wonderful at first. It is what attracts many of us to the program. We find a place where we feel like we fit in. We don't feel so alone. But the wonder of the fellowship soon dims, and we find that we can become disillusioned by it all. We may find that we get caught up in the gossip and talk about others rather than talk about ourselves. We may find that we get bored and lose interest in even going to meetings anymore. We may even find that we lose sight of our goal to remain clean and sober. Some may even begin to see the fellowship as a place to take advantage of others. We find that fellowship with others is not the answer we thought it was.
Many of these things rang too true for me as I got further into my sobriety. A more accurate statement would be that without the steps I was dry and miserable. Something was definitely missing. Many things were being suggested to me, but I was not following through and doing them. I was not calling my sponsor as often. I wasn't reading the books that were suggested. And I wasn't really working the steps. When I look back now, I see just how close to relapse I was. I had to go back and retrace my steps and start at the beginning again. This time I had to really work the steps. When I did, things started to happen. I got refocused on what was important. I began to pray again. I talked honestly about what was really going on. I used the tools, and I again found a healthy sense of true fellowship in the program. I stopped trying to run the show, and I was able to pray with honesty again – "Thy will be done." Do I recognize when I am working the program with only half measures?
Meditations for the Heart
I don’t recall what movie it was that I saw; but I remember a line that the lead character said, "There is wonder in knowing you are being watched over." With God in charge I am not only watched over, but I am also led. When I stop to really think about this wonder, I begin to only scratch the surface of God's bounty and goodness. God has a plan for me, and it is my job to follow where He will lead. His way is filled with wonder, and His way is filled with ceaseless knowledge. The more I focus my inner being on this fact, the more I will grow in my recovery. As I improve my conscious contact with my Higher Power, the more I can realize His vision for me. I do not know where His plan will take me, but I do know and trust that His way will bring me peace. Nothing I have is more valuable than this relationship. No material possession can even come close to the value found in His care for me. Do I know and trust that I am being watched over?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I call You Father because I know that You do truly watch over me. You guide my steps, and You lead me on the right path. I also call You Father because I know I am Your child. I guess that is how I act sometimes. I am grateful that You are always there and reach out to me when I act childish or wander off and get lost. I know that Your arms are always open for me. Let me follow where You will lead me today.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

March 15

Wisdom for Today
There was a time that I thought that alcohol and drugs were my friends. When I was down and out, they would lift me up. There were rewards attached to their use. They did what I wanted and were reliable. I could trust that they would be there for me if I needed them, but that all changed. I really can’t pinpoint when the change occurred, but somewhere along the way alcohol and drugs became my enemy. It really doesn’t matter when this change happened; what is important is that I recognize that what had been friendly was now clearly my enemy.

Alcohol and drugs no longer provided me with the lift I was looking for. I began using in an attempt just to feel normal, but that didn’t even work anymore. Rather than rewards, I began to experience one consequence after another. I could no longer predict what would happen once I started drinking or using drugs. They were no longer reliable. I could no longer trust alcohol or drugs. Worse yet, I could no longer trust myself. Now I find it helpful to go to a First Step meeting just to remind me who I am. It takes me back to look at the enemy within. Is staying clean and sober still my main focus?
Meditations for the Heart
I tried changing circumstances, and I tried changing my surroundings. I tried limiting myself, and I tried to control my use. I tried dozens and dozens of ways to make alcohol and drugs friendly again. It was hard to admit that my friend had turned on me like it did. It was harder yet to admit that I had changed and that alcohol and drugs had defeated me. However, in defeat I also found victory. I had to get to a place of absolute defeat to recognize the possibility of a new way of living. Through the steps I learned a new way of living. I underwent tremendous change. God was doing for me what I could not do for myself. Today I look to my Higher Power for direction in my life. I cannot afford not to follow this direction and need to take advantage of every opportunity for growth that God provides. Do I trust that God is working in my life for good?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

I know that I am a work in progress and that You are not done with me. I will trust You to lead me this day. Show me what Your will for me is this day, and give me the wisdom and courage I need to accomplish the tasks that You set before me. Let me not put off till tomorrow what You wish me to do today. Guide my steps in this journey today.

Amen.