Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2015

[bluidkiti]

January 5

Quote of the Week

"The monkey may be off my back, but the circus hasn't left town yet."

Once I had about 6 months of recovery, I began to feel as if my addiction was finally beginning to be manageable - I didn't crave it all the time, it didn't drive me as it once had, and I found myself thinking more about the steps, my life and the work ahead. The monkey was off my back.

But that didn't mean the circus of my life had left town. With the monkey gone, and my focus now redirected, I was confronted with the damage, the wreckage and the 'circus' of my life and my affairs. What a mess! I felt as if the different areas of my life were like separate Big Top tents - each with its own wild circus act going on, and all out of control. How was I ever to deal with it all?

One day at a time, that's how. One of the most valuable lessons I learned early on was that I hadn't created this mess in a day, and I couldn't fix it in a day, but one day at a time, with God's help, I could be honest, clean house, and sanity would return. And if did.

Today I'm happy to report that the circus, the monkey and all the ringleaders have left town. It's peaceful here now, and boy am I grateful.

[bluidkiti]

January 12

Quote of the Week

"The way to make a mountain out of a mole hill is to add dirt."

Before recovery, anything that went wrong – or didn't go my way – easily became an impending disaster. Toothache? Must be a root canal. Boss not smiling? Probably going to get fired. Left to myself, my incessant negative thinking was quick to add dirt to any mole hill until the mountain of imaginary evidence overwhelmed me.

When I entered recovery, my sponsor was quick to point out a few tools I might find useful for my distorted thinking. The first was, “One day at a time.” “You’re not having a root canal, nor are you being fired today, are you?” he asked. “No,” I grudgingly replied. “Then take it easy,” he suggested. Next, he taught me to “Take the next indicated action.” Calling my dentist was a manageable action, whereas worrying endless about an imagined root canal wasn't. Using these and other tools of recovery helped restore me to sanity.

Today I’m quick to recognize a mole hill when one comes up, and I have the tools to keep it from becoming a mountain. My three favorites are to remember #1: There is a solution. #2: Whatever is happening it is temporary. #3: God is in charge. By focusing on God – and not the problem – I get to experience serenity while the situation sorts itself out – as it always does. And by not adding dirt to the mole hill, I avoid the imaginary mountain that used to make my life unmanageable.

[bluidkiti]

January 19

Quote of the Week

"When I'm alone and by myself, I'm out numbered."

I remember the first time I heard about the committee. Someone shared that when she went to sleep, the committee in her head got together and started going over all the things that were wrong and why her life was never going to work out. They collected evidence, put solid cases together, and then reached their decisions. When she woke up in the morning, they handed her their verdict - guilty and sentenced to a miserable life!

Boy could I relate. I have my own committee of voices that constantly tell me things aren't going to work out, that my past mistakes are insurmountable, and that no matter how hard I try I will never be happy. When I'm alone, the committee is especially active and after a few days of listening to their decrees, I'm easily overwhelmed and defeated.

In recovery I've learned that being alone and listening to my own thinking almost always leads to trouble. I was taught early on that my thinking is distorted by the disease of alcoholism, and that my best hope for right action and happiness is to run my thoughts by my sponsor and others in the program. Once I let others in, the committee disappears, and I am restored to sanity.

Today I recognize the danger of being alone and outnumbered.

[bluidkiti]

January 26

Quote of the Week

"Keep doing the things that got it good, not the things that got good."


I was in a meeting the other day when a guy took a newcomer chip for seven days sober. Before he sat down, he shared that he had twelve years but had gone out. He said it took almost five years to get seven days again, and that during those five years he went through hell. He lost his house again, his family and his career, and he almost lost his life. He said he knew about meetings, about the program, about the disease, but he just couldn't muster the willingness to get sober again.

After the meeting, I asked him what happened and he related a familiar story. At twelve years sober, life was great. He owned a big house and had all the toys. He was near the top of his career and slowly the trappings of success became more important. Suddenly, golfing with his buddies took the place of his Sunday meeting, and after a while he stopped calling his sponsor and reduced his meetings to once or twice a month – then he stopped going all together. At a barbecue someone handed him a cold beer and he was off.

As I left the meeting, I was chilled with fear. My life was going pretty good, too, and there were times when I stayed home to watch football on my massive LCD TV instead of going to my Sunday meeting. I didn't remember the last time I had spoken to my sponsor or if I even had one anymore. And that’s when I heard today’s quote: “Keep doing the things that got it good, not the things that got good.” I vowed right then to reconnect and recommit to my recovery. After all, I remembered, you don’t have to go out to start over…

[bluidkiti]

February 2

Quote of the Week

"The only thing we can take with us when we leave this world is what we gave away."


For years I thought the goal in life was to get as much stuff as I could. I measured my worth as a person by how much money I had in the bank, by how many books and cd's I had, and I spent endless hours shopping for expensive cars, hipper clothes and newer tech devices. I loved when the UPS truck came, and for a few hours I almost felt satisfied. I still remember, however, the moment I pressed the buy button on yet another Amazon.com order and thought about the package arriving and putting the new, unread books on shelf next to the other new unread books. In that moment, I bottomed out.

When I was new in the program, I was told that if I wanted to feel better, then I had to get out of myself by being of service and by helping others. While I argued that cleaning coffee cups and helping in the kitchen couldn't have anything to do with me recovering or feeling better, I did what I was told. Eventually I was instructed to sponsor and work with others. While I resented getting up early on Sunday mornings to meet with a newcomer before a meeting, I can tell you now that I always felt the deepest satisfaction and feeling of self-worth when I did. Finally I had found a way to fill the hole inside of me.

What I've learned in 14 years of recovery is that it's not about me. It's not about how much I earn, or how much I can get, or how much I have. Instead, it's only about how much I can give away. The truth in my life today is that I'm happiest when I seek to be of service; I'm less in fear when I'm thinking of others, and ultimately I know that the only thing that really matters now, and will matter forever, is how much I've packed into the stream of life. It's taken many years, but I finally understand the last line of the St. Francis prayer:

"It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life."

[bluidkiti]

February 9

Quote of the Week

"If you are bored in the program, then you're boring."

I remember when I entered recovery, I thought my life was over. No more parties, nightclubs, wild, fun times. And worse, I felt sentenced to meetings, where there were clicks of people who knew each other – I felt like I was back in high school. Sure, some people reached out to me, but I mostly wanted to isolate and keep to my secrets. And that’s when I told my sponsor how boring the program was.

I’ll never forget how patiently he listed to me. Once I was done – or had started repeating myself for the third time – he asked me some questions. “Are you asking to join people after the meetings for coffee or a meal?” No. “Are you offering to help set up or clean up after?” No. “Are you going to any of the picnics, roundups, dances and parties that are offered?” No. “Then no wonder you’re bored. You’re boring!”

My sponsor explained that alcoholism is a disease that wants to keep us isolated so it can kill us. He told me that people in the program insist on having fun and as a group they’re not a glum lot. Just look at the laughter and friendships you see. But, you have to take contrary action and join in if you want to be a part of. And deep down, I did. So I did get active. And what I found to be true in the program is also true in life: You get what you put in.

Today, I’m too active to be bored, and because of that, I get to live a life that is happy, joyous and free.

[bluidkiti]

February 16

Quote of the Week

"What other people think of me is none of my business."


How much of my time have I spent worrying about what other people think of me? Too much is the short answer. Before recovery in Al-Anon, I had no boundaries, no sense of self, and how I felt about myself and my life was largely determined by whether or not you approved. With no internal awareness, other people's likes and dislikes, moods and opinions were the compass I used to direct my emotional life. It was exhausting.

"Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror." One of the most precious gifts I have been given in Al-Anon is the freedom and encouragement to discover and validate my feelings. And this process began when I was taught to take the focus off of others and to look within for my own truth. At first this was an unfamiliar and uncomfortable process, but it was the only path to the security, confidence and peace I have always craved.

Today I know that my feelings are valid, and I've come to trust and rely on them. I know that other people have their own thoughts and opinions and know they are valid for them as well. But today there is a boundary between the two, and my sense of self is no longer linked to other people's approval. Today I enjoy the freedom and empowerment that comes from having and respecting myself.

[MajestyJo]

Love this, it reminds me of a young guy, who was new to recovery. He was very active in our group Freedom of Recovery from the get go. This one day he came up to me and said, "Jo, they didn't notice that I got my hair cut." I said, "For one thing, you normally have your hair in a pony tail, and no one knows how long it is (he had worn it down long because he wanted to show off he new shorn locks), and most of the people here today were not regulars. I am sorry, I didn't realize you had it cut, it looks good. So many times we don't see others because we are so busy looking at ourselves. We worry what people think of us, when in truth they are only worrying about what they look like or occupied with their own worries and troubles to notice others. They think others are looking and talking about them, when in fact they are not being noticed or being gossiped about and it is best unknown. As they say, "The selfish, self-centeredness the nature of our disease, not just the alcoholic and addict, but the family and friends close to them who live with the disease.

As my sponsor said, "What other people think of you is none of your/their business."

[bluidkiti]

February 23

Quote of the Week

"Worrying is praying for things you don't want to happen."

I don't know where my tendency to worry came from - perhaps I learned it from my mother - but I'm sure good at it. Before the program I would worry and stress over most areas of my life and even if something good happened, my automatic thought was, "This isn't going to last." Little did I realize that my constant worry was in some way a request for more bad things to show up in my life.

The book, "The Secret" teaches that thoughts are things, and that what you think about most you attract into your life. It tells us that the law of attraction is neutral and that it responds to your deeply felt beliefs and desires - good or ad. In other words, you get what you pray for.

In the program I've learned that even praying for what I think I want (my will) can still get me into trouble. Today I've found a better way. Today I pray for the knowledge of God's will and the power to carry that out.

This not only removes worry from my life, but it also attracts the best outcomes for all concerned. This is my solution today.

[bluidkiti]

March 2

Quote of the Week

"The difference between me and God is that God doesn't want to be me."

I can't tell you how many times I've tried to arrange all of life to suit my needs. I've planned and schemed, worked and manipulated, hoped and dreamed, and then manipulated some more all in an attempt to get the world to behave the way I wanted it to. When my sponsor told me I was trying to play God, I took it as a compliment and secretly thought I was doing a pretty good job at it.

When I started working the program, I began looking more closely at my behavior and at the consequences of my unchecked ambition and ego. I had hurt a lot of people, including myself, and I was forced to admit that my way wasn't the right way after all. Once I surrendered to this, I became right-sized, and I began to let God assume His proper role in my life.

Today, it's a relief not to have to play God. It's so much easier to suit up and show up, and to let God determine what results are the best for all concerned. Today I pray to be relieved of the bondage of self, and I know the more I can get out of the way, the more good God can do in and through my life.

Today the difference between me and God is real clear.

[bluidkiti]

March 9

Quote of the Week

"It is the mosquitoes that will chase me out of the woods, not the bears!"

It's amazing how I intuitively know how to handle the big things. A few weeks ago my brother and his wife - who live right around the corner from me - came home from vacation to find their home had been robbed. At 2 a.m. they were pounding on my door, waking me up from a dead sleep. I sprang into action getting them online, calming them down, and helping in any way I could. If only I could handle the little things as easily...

Last week I noticed my kitchen faucet had come loose from the sink. Each time I turn it on it wiggles back and forth, and I can't decide what to do about it. I looked underneath and there doesn't seem to be any way to tighten it, and I don't want to spend $200 on a plumber to fix it. I'm beginning to obsess on it and now that it's started to drip a bit I'm at my wits end!

Even though the little things can still paralyze me and leave me feeling helpless, thank God I have a program that has taught me what to do. I've learned to reach out to others and find someone who has experience with what I'm going through. I now know that I don't have to fix everything at once, rather, I just have to take the next indicated action. And most of all, I've learned how to ask for help.

Today, with the guidance of the program, I know how to handle both the big AND the little things.

[bluidkiti]

March 16

Quote of the Week

"When fear knocks on the door, and faith answers, no one is home."

When I was new to the program, I was taught that I could not be in fear and in faith at the same time. I was either living in fear, or I was living in faith. What recovery has taught me is that today I have a choice between the two. And today, I choose to live in faith.

In the Big Book, there is a simple line: "God is everything or He is nothing." And, again, this presents me with a choice - do I believe that my Higher Power will take care of me, or don't I? And the decision I make here leads to a path of either faith or fear.

By taking a third step each day, I am consciously choosing to turn my will and my life over to my Higher Power. I am choosing faith. Then, when fear comes knocking - as it always does - my faith answers the door and fear has nowhere to land. Living in faith gives me the freedom and the courage to live a life that is happy, joyous and free. A life the program promises, and a life I get the choice to live.

[bluidkiti]

March 23

Quote of the Week

"We go to meetings for relief; we work the steps for recovery"


It happens every time - I always feel better after a meeting. Regardless of what's going on, or what my mood is, after a meeting I always feel more centered, more connected, and more at peace. The only problem is, this relief doesn't last.

I was taught a long time ago that meetings were an important part of my recovery, but they wouldn't give me recovery. Only working the steps would do that. Working the steps cause a transformation of my personality, which leads to a spiritual experience. And it is this spiritual experience that gives me recovery.

Even though I have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state, I am reminded that I still have a disease. This is where meetings help me. When I become irritable, restless or discontent, I know that my regular meeting schedule provides the relief I need.

And I know that by continuing to work my program, I will keep the recovery that saves my life.

[bluidkiti]

March 30

Quote of the Week

"Anger and resentment are masks for fear."


When I came into the program, I was pretty angry. With the alcohol and drugs gone, I very quickly got in touch with my feelings, and for me that meant my anger quickly turned into rage. Oh, and resentments - I had a lot of those as well. Without having developed the spiritual tools to deal with my feelings yet, I soon became pretty defiant.

As I began working my way through the program, I learned in the twelve and twelve that we were driven by a hundred forms of self centered fear. After doing a thorough fourth step that included a fear inventory, I found I was driven by way more than just a hundred! It took years, though, for me to realize the connection between my fears and the anger and resentment I felt.

Today I not only see the connection, but I feel it all the time. In fact, today I know that whenever I'm feeling uncomfortable, impatient, quick to snap at people, or just generally irritable, I'm usually in fear of something. And, again, the twelve and twelve tells me it's usually that I'm afraid of losing something or of not getting something I demand. The good news is that today I have a solution. Today, when I'm feeling angry or resentful, I stop and ask myself what I'm afraid of.

Doing this allows me to take the mask off my fears and that always leads me to a solution.

[bluidkiti]

April 6

Quote of the Week

"Everyone wants to feel better, but no one wants to change."

Before recovery, I did a lot of things to feel better. I moved, changed jobs, girlfriends, cars, tried different combinations of drugs and alcohol, took up yoga, joined a gym - the list is endless. While these things worked briefly, inevitably I would be left feeling that giant hole inside of me, a hole that always made me miserable.

When I entered recovery, I had the same initial relief as when I tried other new ways to distract myself. After a while though, it, too, began to wear off and I could sense the hole returning. I met with my sponsor, and he told me I was feeling this way because I was resisting and refusing to change. "But I'm sober!" I told him. "Yeah, but you're still trying to do things your way. Until you surrender and really work the steps, you'll just be the same old you - only you'll be miserable and sober this time."

Thank God my sponsor was willing to tell me the truth, and thank God I was ready to hear it. Deep down, I knew I was the common denominator in all the things I had tried that didn't work, and once I got to step four and honestly looked at my part in things, I finally realized what had to change - me. While thoroughly working the steps, the promises began to come true for me, and today I am not the same man who entered the rooms all those years ago. Today I am happy, joyous and free.

And that is worth changing for.