You Know You're Getting Older When

[bluidkiti]

You Know You're Getting Older When:

*Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
*You keep repeating yourself.
*You keep repeating yourself.
*The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
*You feel like the night after, and you haven't been anywhere.
*You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
*Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
*You burn the midnight oil until 9 pm.
*Your back goes out more often than you do.
*You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
*You get winded playing chess.
*Your children begin to look middle aged.
*People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
*A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.
*You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
*Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today..."
*You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.
*The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
*Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
*You got cable for the Weather Channel.
*You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
*After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat.
*Dialing long distance wears you out.
*You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.
*The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.
*You get into a heated argument about medicare plans.
*A fortune teller offers to read your face.
*Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl go by.
*You're startled the first time you are addressed as an old timer.
*You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
*Relatives smile benignly rather than interrupt you as you retell the same story for the zillionth time.
*You are proud of your lawn mower.
*People don't harass you any more when you take an afternoon nap.
*Your relatives longingly refer to your things as "your estate".
*You're only good on a trip for an hour without your aspirin, beano and antacid.
*You're awake many hours before your body allows you to get up.
*You're wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just your left leg.
*You are having trouble remembering simple words like....
*You're anti-everything: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammation....

[MajestyJo]

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't!

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is research.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

NyQuil - The stuffy, Sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room
spinning medicine.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

God must love stupid people, he made so many.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.

Beer ~ The Reason Some People Get Up Each Afternoon!

HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.

The Meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it.

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I
Grew Up

WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years.

Rehab Is for Quitters


The trouble with life is there's no background music.

I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?


Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.

Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been doing since 15.

ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING

West Virginia: One Million People and 15 last names

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.

MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT

A hangover is the wrath of grapes

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!

DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music

They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken

He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead

Time's fun when you're having flies...Kermit the Frog

POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have nothing to go on.

[MajestyJo]

Old age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body!

I sometime despair over my body ... the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt.

And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly.

As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.

I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio.

I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the
computer until 4 a.m., and sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love... I will.


I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten ... and I eventually remember the important things.


Sure, over the years my heart has been broken.

How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when a beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.


I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

I can say "no", and mean it. I can say "yes", and mean it.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive.

You care less about what other people think.

I don't question myself anymore.

I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old.

It has set me free.

I like the person I have become.

I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here,

I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert
every single day.

Author unknown!

Received with thanks from my friend Gini