We say a day at a time, but often it is moment by moment when we are tempted. Self-justification can lead us back into old ways of thinking, which in turn takes us back to actions, which takes us out of today.
Justification and rationalization doesn`t
make it right. I am saying this because I feasted on some brownies last night. I was sad and wanted to sweeten my feelings. I did call my ex-sponsor from AA because my Al-Anon sponsor is out of town. I also did prayer and meditation in the morning and later when my son left, didn`t listen to the voice inside that said `No` before I bought the brownies on the way home from the doctor`s and after I ate them, I had to pray for forgiveness. I knew it was wrong, but it seemed like there was nothing going to stop me from buying them. Told myself that I wasn`t going to eat them all. I ate them in two lots and made it worse by putting chocolate icing on them. I knew I shouldn`t because they were not on the shelf when I came in, and on the way out, there were two at the back of the shelf that I spotted on the way out. I told myself I did good by only buying one package.
That is why it is one day at a time and it is important to pick up the tools of the program. Some may say, how important is a few (8) brownies, it is nothing. Considering that my drug of choice is more, no matter what the substance is, it makes me slip and even if I stop at the end of one bag, the reality is, I should have stopped at 1 brownie. I am diabetic. If I had bought the second bag, it would probably be gone by now too.
I am on Metformin for my diabetes. The thing I told myself was, `I have a Metformin to take.` Again with the self-justification and rationalizing my actions. These were two of my worst defects of character in early recovery, looks like God and I have some work to do.
