Have caught up as much as I can today. Will have to start again at 1 a.m. and start a new day.
I knew it would help, to read the spiritual meditations. I never know what is going to come to mind when I read them if anything. Sometimes I look and my mind is blank, but often come back and it speaks to me, it is the message I need to hear in the moment.
I was sharing with a friend the other day, that in less than a month, I will be 72 years old, yet I still need this program, one day at a time.
On March 21st, I will be 5 months from 23 years sober, and yet, I need the program just as much in today, as I did when I entered the doors of recovery. It isn't about 23 years of sobriety, it is about being clean and sober for 23 years.
The biggest and greatest gift is that I didn't do it alone. It was because of people like you, who shared my journey with me. Without you, there is no me.
I didn't have a home group at 3 months sober to pick up a 3 month pin, not something I recommend. I was later given a pin from someone who hadn't been able to stay sober, he finally got over 3 months, and gave me one of his pins.
A guy in NA gave me his 7 year medallion. The 7th years was a big year of new awareness and spiritual growth.
A man. who lived across the hall from me, with 44 years of sobriety, gave me his fish and chips because he didn't feel like eating them. He died a year later.
When you see a man with over 50 years of sobriety, whose light shines out of his eyes, he lightens up a room and oozes serenity, you want what they have. I had a sponsor in early recovery who had the same thing, she fired me. She said that she didn't see me at the meetings she went to (I moved across town out of the YWCA), and not always able to go to her meetings. One was a speaker meeting, and they were not healthy for me, because you can hide in a speaker group, not enough service for me, and I made the mistake of comparing instead of identifying. Ironically, I go to that same group in today when I can get out, because it is my friend Bert's home group.
I thought of calling him today because I am thinking I am over due for an AA F2F meeting, but was in so much pain, didn't want to make a promise I wasn't sure I would be able to keep. If it is meant to be, it will be. A sure sign I need a meeting is when I found myself cussing, a sure sign that I am slipping back into the old SELF.
