QUESTION???
 

One day on the elevator a guy who was about half snapped who I knew from the building I lived in before was complain about his life and he said, "Why me?" I looked at him and said, "Why not you?" He looked at me shocked and then started to laugh. It was something my sponsor had told me many times.

I can identify with the angry with God. I just wish He would give me a little hint so We both know what He is doing!

In order to accept the disease, I looked at it as a dis-ease. I was at dis-ease within myself, and was always looking for something outside of myself to make me feel better. An allergy of the body, I don't metabolize alcohol the way others do. According to a tape I heard, normal people metabolize one in 10-15 minutes. An alcoholic often takes 20=30 minutes. By the time he has his second drink, the first one is still in his system. It is also an obsession of the mind. It took over my life and all my values, principles and integrity were put aside and I became a different person. One I had trouble recognizing and as I have said so many times, every time I picked up, I gave away a piece of me. When I came into recovery, there was very little 'me' left.

It is a disease that tells me that I don't have one. It tells me this time will be different. It tells me this time I can control it. If I take charge of my life, I can control what is happening. The Spirit of Alcohol becomes the God of my life and became my life. When I came into recovery, the Spirit of God takes control of my life when I give it over to Him.

June 2009

I asked myself, "If I am not an alcoholic, what am I?" I didn't like that answer either. I found that as a daughter of an alcoholic and a person who had an eating disorder, gave me a very dysfunctional outlook on life. Being married to a man who ran around with other women and was with another woman when our son was born was hard on my self-esteem and self-worth. I later learned that when you said "No!" it was rape, even though it was your husband. My second husband was an alcoholic, my judgment and me taking his inventory. In today, I know he was a drunk and when I decided, "If you can't beat them, join them, I became an alcoholic." In recovery, I came to realize that I had the thinking for many years, right back to that first drink I stole at the age of 10 years of age.

I used people, places and things for years. When I saw my brother killed when I was three, I used anything that was available to escape reality. Over the years, it took more and more of what ever substance I chose in the moment to cope with life until such a time as I could no longer cope; and it got to a place where I was thinking, "Stop the world, I want to get off."

So I questioned life, I questioned myself, and I questioned others. I came into recovery, and found a solution. I saw it working for others, so I followed the suggestions, and it worked for me too.

The people in the rooms loved me back to good health until I could learn to love myself.

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If I feel the bucking of uncertainty, despair, or fear, I can take it as a sign that I have gotten out of step.

... In All Our Affairs

It is also a sure sign that I am out of balance within myself or I have pushed a play button and living in the past.

Sometimes I don't realize that it is an old tape because it is familiar and comfortable and just feels right. That doesn't make it right. It just means I need to take a look at it, then turn it over to my God and ask for new direction and understanding.

=========

Just gave my son the money to go see the movie Star Wars, plus money for popcorn and pop. It is an early Christmas present, something I wasn't going to buy for him because it seems like I have already given him several presents already.

I went up to him and said, "Are you bored?" He looked despondent, and the "Oh Woe is me on his face and his body language." He said, "I am always bored." He doesn't go back to work until the new year, and not too sure exactly when that will be.

It seemed easier to give out the money than to be around him when he is so depressed. I am not feeling good and don't need the extra doom and gloom. So not sure I was listening to the subliminal message he was sending me, "Oh I would really like to see Star Wars, or whether I was completely doing it from my heart." ;)

Am I enabling him or myself?

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Like the topic, how do you deal with unacceptable behaviour. I don't have to accept it, I can set a boundary. Sometimes I have to reinforce it. I choose not to let others disrespect me as a person. I didn't think I was worthy for many years and allowed others to dictate, control, and project THEIR stuff onto me. In today, that isn't acceptable. My words and thoughts are mine. I try to share them with the hope that it will help others. I have issues with people who want me to take them back, not speak and share them, and as my ex-husband use to say, "Who asked for your opinion? What makes you think we want to hear what you have to say?" "What makes you think your opinion and ideas count?" That is why I take exception to people who delete them, discount them (they are my truth, even if they are not those of others), and as they say, "May we agree to disagree."

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A quote from the Big Book. A good indicator how we justified and rationalized our behaviour. In the moment it seemed sane and we figured our intent was good, and just couldn't figure out what we did wrong.

How could a simple idea end up so grown out of proportion and develop into just a catastrophic event?

Never once did I think it was the alcohol doing my thinking. The thought that I was not in control would have been horrifying if someone had suggested such a thing. It was an illusion and for all intensive purposes, false evidence appearing real.

What is my motive and intent? Is it my will or my God's Will for my life?

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Originally posted on my site Soundness of Mind in December 2011, and yet the questions are still good in today. I had to do this over the holidays, I had to go within and find peace.

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When I went to Al-Anon, I was told that I was doubly blessed. I found friends in both fellowships. I could identify from both sides of the street.
I learned to identify not compare.
I learned not to judge, no one had walked in my shoes and I hadn't walked in theirs, yet we could walk this recovery road together.
I had my own disease and had to learn to focus on me, not on the "A"s in my life and recognize all facets of my addiction. My addiction to the alcoholic/addict, food, work, etc.

Are you happy, joyous and free?

What makes you happy? When I was asked this question in early recovery, I didn't know. I had lived my life through others, and I used to be one of those who use to say, "If you are happy, so am I."

Coyote:
Wisdom, jokester, having fun, stimulates cooperation and tasks, adaptations, balances knowledge and laughter into teaching, shows us how to learn from our mistakes with wisdom and a sense of humor, sense of family and children, demonstrating and communicating along with balancing risk and safety, trust and connection to the Spirit to find answers. Are you taking yourself too seriously? Too uptight and stressed? Are you trusting enough right now? Coyote will teach resourcefulness and adapting to new situations and how humor can be a useful tool in any situation.

Animal Totem Dictionary of Animals

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DID YOU KNOW?

Like this, it was life changing for me, when I learned that I had to feel the feeling before I could let it go. I had numbed my feelings, not know that when you ignore and stuff the negative, you block the positive as well.

When I opened my Courage to Change book today, I wasn't on today's reading, but read what I opened to and it not only spoke to me but roared!

If you have read my chip of the day, you will know why. Here are the quotes that stuck out for me:

Heaven forbid I should surrender, accept my discomfort, and pray for guidance.

Willpower cnnot eliminate in a day troubles that have taken root and flourished in my life for decades. Things take time.

This is something I forget. I tend to forget that this is a one day at a time program. It doesn't all have to happen in today. Quick fixes don't work. Recovery is a process. I didn't get this way overnight, so why should I figure it is pray, ask for help, get it and it is all over and done with.

When I get caught up in the moment, I can get stuck in the fear and it takes a few to realize that I don't have to stay there, I can change it, by surrendering, and turning it over instead of hanging on, and criticize myself and beating myself up for my shortcomings.

A shortcoming to me is being less than my God would have me be in today. The trouble is, He doesn't expect me to 'fix' it, all He asks me to do is try. It is in the not trying, just giving up that I fail to do his will and become willful and say "Won't" and until the pain is so bad, I have no other choice, then I get a resentment, when it fact it is my fault, all I had to do was let go!

So many things are old tapes and are hard to recognize. I think that sometimes I think on something as a belief system when in fact it is something that was projected onto me a long time ago and that I am sitll carrying around even though it is old news.

So many times, I have had to pray, "I ask for the willingness to be willing, Thy will, not mine."

Love this, when ever I get in this space, I have to remember that my God answers knee-mail.

Courage to Change

(from Encouraging Words for Women By Darlene Sara)

Posted on another site in 2004

The best way for me to change my attitude is to go to a meeting. My son has even been known to suggest that I get myself there.

For me, it is important that he is in his disease and not take things personal. I could be hurt and sad, but why go around in doom and gloom. I can't change him, but I can change me and my attitude. Sometimes it means reinforcing my boundaries and detaching from a situation, I have the tools of the program to help me through each day.

We are what we feed ourselves mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. What do you feed your body? Is it on a balanced diet?

Food for Thought
May 18

Safety

I am safe as long as I do not take the first compulsive bite. Abstinence is my security. If I break my abstinence, I lose my protection against the confusion, remorse, and pain of overeating.

To keep my abstinence strong, I need to use the OA tools of recovery each day. I need to build my program and to give it my best efforts. Remembering that my Higher Power has given me a new life, I will not endanger it by forgetting how much I need His care.

Temptation is always appearing in one form or another. Sometimes it may seem impossible not to give in. My strength lies not in myself but in God, and only by maintaining close contact with Him can I remain safe.

My Higher Power has led me to OA and has given me a safe place to be. When I am tempted or upset, I will use the telephone, go to a meeting, practice Step Eleven, and do whatever else it takes to maintain my abstinence.

Thank You for bringing me to a safe place.

-----

It doesn't matter what fellowship I went to, I could identify, because food is a drug. Alcohol is a drug. When we eat and drink it seems normal. What isn't normal is our body's reaction to it. Normal is a cycle on a washing machine.

Do you feel safe? I walked into my first meeting and found that I wanted what they had and was willing to go to any length to get it.

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This slogan and "Hesitate and Meditate" have helped me over the years. For me it was act and then react with no thought in between. Sometimes I thought and did it anyway, but that is okay in today. Live and learn and hopefully learn to live without hurting others.

Posted on another site in 2008

A good reminder, think before you speak. Each day is a new beginning. When I bring the past into the present, it is no longer a gift. The gift I can give myself is to stay in today and let go of the past and allow myself to heal.

Do I remember to hesitate and meditate before I think and/or take action?

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here is a book written by Melody Beattie called "Finding Your Way Home" and is totally awesome.

For the first month I had the book I never got past the first two chapters and the Preface. I kept reading it over and over again, it was so freeing, that it didn't matter if I read the rest of the book because it seemed it would be anti-climatical.

I have always said, "I am a spiritual being having problems dealing with the real world!"

Her book helped me to come back to myself, to stay grounded in today, to become whole. That journey has been very painful, at times very lonely, but well worth it. It is difficult to let go of denial, find your person truth and find self-honesty.

aven't been able to find this book, must remember to put in a request at the library to see if they will order it.

This little guy is so sad, hurt and lost. How often I felt like that. I didn't know that I wasn't alone. Have you ever felt lost and unable to find your way home?

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it is so nice to be relieved of that feeling of dread when I hear a phone, a siren, or see somone stoned which made me think "That could be my son!"

The last few years those calls had been few and far between and were generally only when he wanted something.

I was happy for him, the guys at the house were given free tickets to a Raptors game. He was probably happy for himself, they won!

I can see God working in my life. It is important for me to notice those little gifts and say thank you. When a big thing happens, there are not enough words to express my thanks!

Do you remember to give thanks?

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Do you handle your anger well?
 

Checklist For Hidden Anger

If we have any natural fault, it is hiding our own anger from ourselves. Here is a checklist to help you determine if you are hiding your anger from yourself. Any of these is usually a sign of hidden unexpressed anger.

1. Procrastination in the completion of imposed tasks.

2. Perpetual habitual lateness.

3. A liking for sadistic or ironic humor.

4. Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy in conversation.

5. Over-politeness, constant cheerfulness, attitude of "grin and bear it".

6. Frequent sighing.

7. Smiling while hurting.

8. Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams.

9. Over-controlled monotones speaking voice.

10. Difficulty in getting to sleep or sleep through the night.

11. Boredom, apathy, loss of interest in things you are usually enthusiastic about.

12. Slowing down of movements.

13. Getting tired more easily than usual.

14. Excessive irritability over trifles.

15. Getting drowsy at inappropriate times.

16. Sleeping more than usual - maybe 12 to 14 hours a day.

17. Waking up tired rather than rested and refreshed.

18. Clenched jaws- especially while sleeping.

19. Facial tics, spasmodic foot movements, habitual fist clenching and similar repeated physical acts done unintentionally or unaware.

20. Grinding of the teeth- especially while sleeping.

21. Chronically stiff or sore neck.

22. chronic depression-extended periods of feeling down for no reason.

23. Stomach ulcers.

This is not about rage. Rage is anger out of control and taking over your whole being. This is about the feelings we call, irritation, annoyance, getting mad, etc. All these negative feelings share one thing in common: they are considered undesirable at best, sinful or destructive at worst. We are taught to avoid then-to avoid having them if possible (it isn't) but certainly to avoid expressing then. Unfortunately, many people go overboard in controlling negative feelings; they control not only their expression, but their awareness of them, too. Because you are unaware of being angry does not mean that you are not angry. It is the anger you are unaware of which can do most damage to you and to your relationships with other people, since it does get expressed, but in inappropriate ways, Freud once likened anger to the smoke in an old-fashioned wood-burning stove. The normal avenue for discharge of the smoke if up the chimney; if the normal avenue is blocked the smoke will leak out of the stove in unintended ways-around the door, through the grates, etc. checking everyone in the room. If all avenues of escape are blocked, the fire goes out and the stove ceases to function. Likewise, the normal (human) expression of anger is gross physical movement and/or loud vocalization; watch a red-faced hungry infant sometime. By age five or so we are taught that such expressions are unacceptable to others and lead to undesirable consequences such as being beaten or having affection withheld.

We learn to "be nice", which means (among other things) hiding bad feelings. By adulthood even verbal expression is curtailed, since a civilized person is expected to be "civil". Thus, expression is stifled and to protect ourselves from the unbearable burden of continually unexpressed "bad" feelings, we go to the next step and convince ourselves that we are not angry, even when we are. Such self-deception is seldom completely successful, however, and the blocked anger "leaks out" in inappropriate ways, some of which are previously listed.

The items in the list are all danger signals that negative feelings are being bottled up inside. It is true that each of them can have causes other than anger (procrastination, for example, can be due to an unreasonable fear of failure), but the presence of any of them is reason enough for you to look within yourself for buried resentments. If you are human, you will find some. If you are fortunate, you will find few, since you will have learned effective ways of discharging them. If you are like most of us, you will need to unlearn some old habits before you can learn new ways of handling "bad" feelings, ways which are constructive rather than destructive.

Getting rid of a lifetime accumulation of buried resentments is a major task which is one of the goals of psychotherapy. Whether such a process is necessary for you should be decided in consultation with a qualified professional person. Our immediate concern in the paper is to provide you with some techniques which will help you stop adding to the pile what ever its existing depth.

The process of dealing with negative feelings can be divided into three parts for purposes of discussion, although the living of it is all of a piece. The parts are:

1: Recognition of the feelings.

2: Owning it-acknowledging that it is yours.

3: Discharging it-acting on it in some way.

Recognition

Everybody has his own bodily signals indicating current on-the-spot anger. Look for yours: Friends and relatives might be helpful, since they may be aware of your irritation before you are, and may be able to tell you how they can tell, when you are upset. Some common signals are: Clamming up; Blushing; Shortening of breath; Drumming with fingers; Foot tapping; Shaking or twisting; Laughing when nothing amusing is happening; Patting or stroking the back of the head; Clenching jaws or fists; Tucking a thumb inside a fist; Yawning or getting drowsy; Suddenly refusing eye contact with another person; Fidgeting; Apologizing when none is asked for; A pain in the neck, gut or back; Headaches; A rise in voice pitch. The list is interminable. Try to find out what your signals are.

If you find yourself depressed or blue and don't know why - think back over the past twenty-four hours and try to figure out who did something to anger you. (Depression is usually the result of repressed anger.) Forget you are a nice guy and imagine yourself to be the toughest, most unreasonable, childish person on the earth; review your day and look for an incident wherein this imaginary person might have gotten angry. When you find the incident, ask yourself why you didn't get angry. Chances are you did and didn't know it. Remember what you actually did and said in that situation; try to "relieve it" you may learn some of your own internal anger signals.

Owning It

The anger is yours. The other person may have said or done something that punched your anger button, but the anger is yours, and - so are the feelings it triggers. You cannot make someone else responsible for your own feelings. Blaming does not help. Nothing the other person does will help, unless it is in response to something you do. Accepting anger as your own is easier if you discard the idea that feelings need to be justified. They don't, and frequently cannot be - "should" and "feel" are two words which do not belong together. It is senseless to say that someone "should feel" some way. Feelings are just there in the same way your skin, muscles, and vital organs are just there. In fact, it is downright harmful to worry about what your feelings "should be". Such worry will get in the way of finding out what your feelings are - which is the best start to deciding on the best thing to do.

Discharging It

First, foremost, and always. Don't hide it. You'll probably not be successful anyway - anger demands expression. If you have recognized it and owned it, then you will have a choice of when, where and how you may express it. Society (and your own safety) forbids violence. Friendship or other interpersonal relationships (such as husband/wife, employer/employee ) make explosive verbal expression ultimately self-defeating. Just saying, "That makes me angry", or "I do not like it when..." may not be as satisfying as bashing someone, but it is far more satisfying than saying and doing nothing. There are in reality a few situations in which it is to your best interest to delay expression, but none in which you can afford to delay recognition or owning.

Original Source Unknown

I split this up because I was too long of a post to read.

When I read the checklist, my response was "All of the above!" This happened in early recovery, but I can still go there in today, and I need a healthy way of dealing with it.

When I quit smoking, a lot of anger issues were buried and stuffed and took a long time to uncover and heal.

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“Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons.
Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything
is possible.” -- Cherie Carter-Scott

“I discovered I always have choices and sometimes
it's only a choice of attitude.” - - unknown

Are you happy with your choices in today?

Made the following post in 2009 after choosing to stay home instead of going to a friend's dysfunctional home with three teenagers.

I am happy with my choice today. Had a very laid back day. I got my book finished. My supper turned out better than I thought it would. I surprised myself.

I took ground pork, added bread crumbs, a beaten egg, minced garlic, onion, ginger, parsley, sage, thyme, pepper and salt and baked it in the oven in a glass dish. The last half hour I spread on honey mustard on the top. I had sweet potatoes glazed with maple syrup and brussel sprouts with it. Totally yummy!

I wish I had the motivation to cook and eat like that in today. Today was going to be a chicken sandwich and ended up to be two chicken wings with a slice of bread.

I guess it is better than eating like I was sitting at a trough and shovelling the food it.

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Hugs not drugs. That means the liquid, solid, powdered, and the flesh and blood variety.

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QUALITIES ... IN A RELATIONSHIP AND IN OURSELVES

Someone who is comfortable with themselves.
Someonw who allows mutual respect.
Somone who is able and/or open to communication -
a) Listens to what I say and not what he/she wants to hear,
b) Does not twist what I say around.
Mature attitudes.
Takes responsibility for his/her own happiness.
Sense of humour
Healthy respect of moderation, for example, reasonable temper, moderate drinker.
Financially responsible - puts finances in a reasonable perspective.
Spontaneity, romance.
Gentleness.
Allows me to have friends.
Allows himself/herself to have his/her own friends.
Realistic Optimist.
The ability to be intimate, with and without physical ses - hugs, holds hands.
Gives of himself/herself freely and unconditionally - NO MANIPULATION OR STRINGS TO PULL.
Respects my values.
Expresses concern for me, but does not become overbearing or try to dominate.
Sharing common interests and respecting individual interests.
Someone who can give and take.
Can show affection in front of others.
Supportive of my goals and activities, careers and interest.
Encourages independence.
Respects my personal space.
Someone who can take time out for himself/herself and has an awareness of his/her personsal space.
Balances his/her priorities (including relatives).
Can say 'No.'
Not afraid to have fun in life - can be childish, can laugh
Someone who has flexibility.
Someone who can grow.
Does not have addiction problems with substances such as alcohol, and/or drugs, and/or work, and/or food, etc.
Remember, not every man/woman is going to possess all of these qualities, but what he does not have, he/she will probably be willing to work on those areas. There are things which you should expect for yourself to find in a relationship, because you owe it to yourself.

I deserve recovery! I do deserve a happy, joyous and prosperous blessings along a spiritual journey toward Serenity and Sobriety (soundness of mind).

Have you asked yourself the question "What is a healthy relationship?"

When you get two needy people together, it makes for a very unhealthy one!

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There are many excuses why I can't do something, but all I need to do is find a good reason to give me motivaiton.

For so many years, I used my "A" to not do because I put my own life on hold. My own personal health and well being is reason enough to make healthy decision to better my own life.

I excused my own behavior with "Well if you had a husband like I have, you would...." If your son acted the way mine did, you would...." If your partner treated you like mine does, you would...."

I grateful addict with never have a reason to pick up. I am that addict when I use others to make me feel better or I use them to not look at me and be responsible for my own actions.

I can sometimes limit myself, thinking "I can't do" forgetting that I have a Higher Power who can empower me, lead and direct me into a new way of life.

The program is applicable to all areas of my life and I need to apply it not only to the physical, but to the mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of my life.

Have you worked the Steps on an emotional and spiritual level?

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Love this quote, sorry the link no longer works.

One of my favorite sayings is, "I have to get out of the way so my God can work through me, not around me." When I think I am in the 'know' especially for someone else, I know I am not in the right space. I look for good orderly guidance each day, and try to go with the flow; but as the saying goes, "Plan, but don't plan the outcome."

I try to pray that someone gets what the need. So many times our needs are met, we just don't reach out because we have trouble receiving or asking for help. We cross our arms and legs and say, not me and we close ourself off from God and isolate our Spirit, because we don't have an open mind and not willing to change.

Love the saying, 'God is or He isn't!' Do you have a part time God? A God that is convenient when you need him and the rest of the time, you put Him on that Shelf? Open up your heart.

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Have you had a spiritual awakening?

Have had many spiritual experiences. The first was before coming into the rooms of recovery when I walked down the hall at the YWCA and knew the girl was talking about me when she said, "I don't want to be liker HER down the hall." I asked myself, "Am I really that bad? The answer was, "Yes, I am, and picked up the phone and asked for help from the Social Worker at the Y.

Many more have followed but that was the one that got me on the road to recovery. I have felt the Hand of my God touch me many times. There has been so much healing and so much awareness, that I never cease to thank Him for His Grace and the many miracles He has chosen to give me. I can only express my gratitude by sharing with others what has been so freely given to me.

written in 2009

One of the big spiritual awakening for me was sitting at a meeting and sharing on Step Two. When I came into recovery, I was sure I knew who God was, I had been raised with Him all my life, after all I taught Sunday School (I was 16). I came into recovery at the age of 49 and here I am at the age of 74. I realized that I didn't know who God was and proceeded on a Spiritual Quest, which I still do today. I also realized that I had been totally insane, and one day at a time, God and I are still working on that one.

Some may not think so, but there has been an odd occasion when I have gone to a meeting and said, "I will pass today, I am hear to listen." Not many times, because I feel that my primary purpose is to carry the message of recovery. It is important for me to share what worked for me. When I share, the words take order and as I vocalize them, I can see where I am at, or if I am off the wall. I appear to find myself there more often then I like, so I am grateful that I only have to deal with one days feelings, situations, experiences, challenges, and perceptions.

Do you listen when others are sharing or are you busy in your own head trying to figure out what you are going to say when it is your turn, instead of being in the moment and sharing what your God wants you to hear?

Trust was a big issue for me. I had been hurt so many times by so many people, it was hard to open up and share with others. I had shut down and shut off for so long that it was difficult to recognize my feelings for what they were and identify them correctly. Break ups in today triggered those in the past that I had never grieved over.

The 12 Steps are applicable to all areas of my life. Relationships are just as much of an addiction as alcoholism. When you feel like you can't do without one, you go looking for more! We get into another relationship without properly grieving the last one. We take the sins of the first one into the second one, and heaven help the guy/gal who is #3.

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I not only didn't love myself, didn't like myself very much either.

The people in the rooms loved me back to good health.

Going through the process was that looking back on it was quite funny. The dangling earrings, the different hair colours and styles, working the Steps so the inside felt like the outside. This was a time I applied the slogan, "Fake it until you make it."

Learning that my God loved and forgave me, even after all the things I had done in my past, helped me to love and forgive myself. The forgiveness was the hardest and took much longer.

Through His love and the Spirit of the Fellowship, I was able to get back my sense of self, which was no longer the lowest of the low, but someone worthy of recovery, who deserved good things happening to her.

Boundaries and detachment helped with others, but what I had to do was take the blocks from the high brick wall and stop detaching from others, quit isolating and allow myself to become vulnerable. It was one of the scariest times in recovery and through my Higher Power, we got me through it.

Glad it is a "WE" program. We can do, what I can't do alone.

Do you love yourself? The people in the rooms loved me back to good health.

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Do you focus on yourself?
 

I do have to focus on myself. It is difficult watching my son go down hill in his addiction and last night I sat here shedding a few tears. I saw my dad do the same thing and wished much better for my son. I had hopes that after seeing me, my ex-husband, and my dad, that he would want to choose a better life for himself. He was 25 when I came into recovery and was well into his own journey.

All I have been able to do is pray for him. The last thing he wants to hear from me is talk of recovery.

As the Al-Anon slogan says, "Let it begin with me." Hopefully by walking my talk, he will make a decision to get help for himself.

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For so many years I beat myself up. I was my own worst enemy. It took a long time to get self-honesty and to stop pointing my finger at others and look at myself. Then I beat myself up even more. I had to learn to forgive myself as well as others in order to heal.

So true have been my own worst enemy for years. Was talking in laundry yesterday to a church lady and said to her, "So often I have to get out of the way so my God can work through me, instead of around me or over me."

What Do I Need In My Recovery Toolbox

Each morning I get up and check to make sure I have all my tools in “My Recovery Toolbox”.. I never know whether I’ll need them to change my perspective, my actions or maybe even my attitude . One thing's for sure I know at some point in my day, I’ll be reaching for them…..

• the 12- Steps and Traditions
• the Slogans
• the Serenity Prayer
• my Recovery Friends
• the art of Detachment
• my hotline to God through Prayer
• my Recovery Books & literature

What else do you have in your recovery toolbox?

This was posted on another site.

Tools I used in addition to yours was the phone. It was important to pick it up in good times and bad times to get in the practice of getting out of myself and asking for help.

The literature was a God given gift. Not just the Big Book and 12 & 12, but the daily meditation books. I like the ones with all the emotions listed at the back so I could look up all the reading pertaining to a feeling. It was hard for me to label them and give them a name because I had stuffed for so many years. I often just picked up a book (AA, NA, Al-Anon, Hazelden, the Bible, etc. said the Serenity Prayer, and then just opened the book and read what was in front of me. It works.

I always liked the saying, "God answers knee-mail." In today, I use that for heavy duty stuff because I don't do getting down on the knees very well. Before it was lack of surrender, in today it is old age.

There were many gifts along with the detachment. Setting boundaries, the ability to be honest, the principles behind the Steps and the Traditions.

The holidays are a good time to make sure my toolbox is full and up-to-date.

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My tool box in today, is trying to remember the lessons learned along the way on my recovery journey. The words of wisdom that I have heard from others and the food to fill my spirit that I find in the literature.

We can do what I can't do alone. If I am just listening to the sound of my own voice, then I am probably doing something wrong.

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What Step has been the most important tool in your recovery?

I am still of the mind, it is the Step 1, 2, 3 Waltz, I can't, my God can, just for today, I choose to let Him.

Steps 10, 11, and 12 are maintenance Steps. I need that daily inventory, I need that contact with my Higher Power, and I need to get involved in service, if I don't give it away, I don't get to keep my recovery. I need that spiritual defense against that first drink/drug.

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Do I project expectations on to others who are not capable of meeting them?

This quote was so me growing up, all those old tapes playing in my head. I was a 'bad' girl because I didn't conform to the norm. I didn't feel and think or act the way I was told a good little girl, mother, daughter, wife, friend, etc. should be.

It was seeing as myself as different so therefore, I was wrong, I was nothing and I was a bad girl because I could never meet the expectations of others or my own because I had placed the bar so high.

The role playing had to stop, the masks had to come off and the wall had to come down. I had to allow myself to be vulnerable and learn to trust the process and know that my Higher God had my Higher Good in mind and would lead and direct each day to a better way of life.

I learned to lower the bar, not take on the expectations of others, and learn to find my own truth and what was right for me.

As it says in the Big Book, the higher my acceptance, the lower my expectations. It is hard to accept what you don't know. I accept that I don't know and that I shouldn't speculate and draw negative energy to me. Just be in the moment, accept what is, and life moves on.

I know I don't have to like it in order to accept it. It is just hard to decide my feelings when they are shadowed by what I would call doubt. Not in God, perhaps in myself, wondering if I have the courage and strength to go through what ever is ahead. I have had prayer from a lot of people, I would like to think that whatever happens, it will be alright, whatever way it turns out. When I do my meditation, I have asked what I needed, and I keep getting the word "courage" and for that I know the strength comes from my God and the people in my life.

a few seconds ago QuoteEditlikePost Options Post by majestyjo on a few seconds ago
So many times I project expectations onto other and I measure it with my own yard stick. So often they are not capable of meeting them, and they feel like I am putting them down and calling them stupid.

When I put expectations on myself and I can't meet them, I feel stupid and less than for not measuring up.

All we are asked to do is try.