Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2015
 

January 5

Quote of the Week

"The monkey may be off my back, but the circus hasn't left town yet."

Once I had about 6 months of recovery, I began to feel as if my addiction was finally beginning to be manageable - I didn't crave it all the time, it didn't drive me as it once had, and I found myself thinking more about the steps, my life and the work ahead. The monkey was off my back.

But that didn't mean the circus of my life had left town. With the monkey gone, and my focus now redirected, I was confronted with the damage, the wreckage and the 'circus' of my life and my affairs. What a mess! I felt as if the different areas of my life were like separate Big Top tents - each with its own wild circus act going on, and all out of control. How was I ever to deal with it all?

One day at a time, that's how. One of the most valuable lessons I learned early on was that I hadn't created this mess in a day, and I couldn't fix it in a day, but one day at a time, with God's help, I could be honest, clean house, and sanity would return. And if did.

Today I'm happy to report that the circus, the monkey and all the ringleaders have left town. It's peaceful here now, and boy am I grateful.

January 12

Quote of the Week

"The way to make a mountain out of a mole hill is to add dirt."

Before recovery, anything that went wrong – or didn't go my way – easily became an impending disaster. Toothache? Must be a root canal. Boss not smiling? Probably going to get fired. Left to myself, my incessant negative thinking was quick to add dirt to any mole hill until the mountain of imaginary evidence overwhelmed me.

When I entered recovery, my sponsor was quick to point out a few tools I might find useful for my distorted thinking. The first was, “One day at a time.” “You’re not having a root canal, nor are you being fired today, are you?” he asked. “No,” I grudgingly replied. “Then take it easy,” he suggested. Next, he taught me to “Take the next indicated action.” Calling my dentist was a manageable action, whereas worrying endless about an imagined root canal wasn't. Using these and other tools of recovery helped restore me to sanity.

Today I’m quick to recognize a mole hill when one comes up, and I have the tools to keep it from becoming a mountain. My three favorites are to remember #1: There is a solution. #2: Whatever is happening it is temporary. #3: God is in charge. By focusing on God – and not the problem – I get to experience serenity while the situation sorts itself out – as it always does. And by not adding dirt to the mole hill, I avoid the imaginary mountain that used to make my life unmanageable.

January 19

Quote of the Week

"When I'm alone and by myself, I'm out numbered."

I remember the first time I heard about the committee. Someone shared that when she went to sleep, the committee in her head got together and started going over all the things that were wrong and why her life was never going to work out. They collected evidence, put solid cases together, and then reached their decisions. When she woke up in the morning, they handed her their verdict - guilty and sentenced to a miserable life!

Boy could I relate. I have my own committee of voices that constantly tell me things aren't going to work out, that my past mistakes are insurmountable, and that no matter how hard I try I will never be happy. When I'm alone, the committee is especially active and after a few days of listening to their decrees, I'm easily overwhelmed and defeated.

In recovery I've learned that being alone and listening to my own thinking almost always leads to trouble. I was taught early on that my thinking is distorted by the disease of alcoholism, and that my best hope for right action and happiness is to run my thoughts by my sponsor and others in the program. Once I let others in, the committee disappears, and I am restored to sanity.

Today I recognize the danger of being alone and outnumbered.

January 26

Quote of the Week

"Keep doing the things that got it good, not the things that got good."


I was in a meeting the other day when a guy took a newcomer chip for seven days sober. Before he sat down, he shared that he had twelve years but had gone out. He said it took almost five years to get seven days again, and that during those five years he went through hell. He lost his house again, his family and his career, and he almost lost his life. He said he knew about meetings, about the program, about the disease, but he just couldn't muster the willingness to get sober again.

After the meeting, I asked him what happened and he related a familiar story. At twelve years sober, life was great. He owned a big house and had all the toys. He was near the top of his career and slowly the trappings of success became more important. Suddenly, golfing with his buddies took the place of his Sunday meeting, and after a while he stopped calling his sponsor and reduced his meetings to once or twice a month – then he stopped going all together. At a barbecue someone handed him a cold beer and he was off.

As I left the meeting, I was chilled with fear. My life was going pretty good, too, and there were times when I stayed home to watch football on my massive LCD TV instead of going to my Sunday meeting. I didn't remember the last time I had spoken to my sponsor or if I even had one anymore. And that’s when I heard today’s quote: “Keep doing the things that got it good, not the things that got good.” I vowed right then to reconnect and recommit to my recovery. After all, I remembered, you don’t have to go out to start over…

February 2

Quote of the Week

"The only thing we can take with us when we leave this world is what we gave away."


For years I thought the goal in life was to get as much stuff as I could. I measured my worth as a person by how much money I had in the bank, by how many books and cd's I had, and I spent endless hours shopping for expensive cars, hipper clothes and newer tech devices. I loved when the UPS truck came, and for a few hours I almost felt satisfied. I still remember, however, the moment I pressed the buy button on yet another Amazon.com order and thought about the package arriving and putting the new, unread books on shelf next to the other new unread books. In that moment, I bottomed out.

When I was new in the program, I was told that if I wanted to feel better, then I had to get out of myself by being of service and by helping others. While I argued that cleaning coffee cups and helping in the kitchen couldn't have anything to do with me recovering or feeling better, I did what I was told. Eventually I was instructed to sponsor and work with others. While I resented getting up early on Sunday mornings to meet with a newcomer before a meeting, I can tell you now that I always felt the deepest satisfaction and feeling of self-worth when I did. Finally I had found a way to fill the hole inside of me.

What I've learned in 14 years of recovery is that it's not about me. It's not about how much I earn, or how much I can get, or how much I have. Instead, it's only about how much I can give away. The truth in my life today is that I'm happiest when I seek to be of service; I'm less in fear when I'm thinking of others, and ultimately I know that the only thing that really matters now, and will matter forever, is how much I've packed into the stream of life. It's taken many years, but I finally understand the last line of the St. Francis prayer:

"It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life."

February 9

Quote of the Week

"If you are bored in the program, then you're boring."

I remember when I entered recovery, I thought my life was over. No more parties, nightclubs, wild, fun times. And worse, I felt sentenced to meetings, where there were clicks of people who knew each other – I felt like I was back in high school. Sure, some people reached out to me, but I mostly wanted to isolate and keep to my secrets. And that’s when I told my sponsor how boring the program was.

I’ll never forget how patiently he listed to me. Once I was done – or had started repeating myself for the third time – he asked me some questions. “Are you asking to join people after the meetings for coffee or a meal?” No. “Are you offering to help set up or clean up after?” No. “Are you going to any of the picnics, roundups, dances and parties that are offered?” No. “Then no wonder you’re bored. You’re boring!”

My sponsor explained that alcoholism is a disease that wants to keep us isolated so it can kill us. He told me that people in the program insist on having fun and as a group they’re not a glum lot. Just look at the laughter and friendships you see. But, you have to take contrary action and join in if you want to be a part of. And deep down, I did. So I did get active. And what I found to be true in the program is also true in life: You get what you put in.

Today, I’m too active to be bored, and because of that, I get to live a life that is happy, joyous and free.

February 16

Quote of the Week

"What other people think of me is none of my business."


How much of my time have I spent worrying about what other people think of me? Too much is the short answer. Before recovery in Al-Anon, I had no boundaries, no sense of self, and how I felt about myself and my life was largely determined by whether or not you approved. With no internal awareness, other people's likes and dislikes, moods and opinions were the compass I used to direct my emotional life. It was exhausting.

"Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror." One of the most precious gifts I have been given in Al-Anon is the freedom and encouragement to discover and validate my feelings. And this process began when I was taught to take the focus off of others and to look within for my own truth. At first this was an unfamiliar and uncomfortable process, but it was the only path to the security, confidence and peace I have always craved.

Today I know that my feelings are valid, and I've come to trust and rely on them. I know that other people have their own thoughts and opinions and know they are valid for them as well. But today there is a boundary between the two, and my sense of self is no longer linked to other people's approval. Today I enjoy the freedom and empowerment that comes from having and respecting myself.

Love this, it reminds me of a young guy, who was new to recovery. He was very active in our group Freedom of Recovery from the get go. This one day he came up to me and said, "Jo, they didn't notice that I got my hair cut." I said, "For one thing, you normally have your hair in a pony tail, and no one knows how long it is (he had worn it down long because he wanted to show off he new shorn locks), and most of the people here today were not regulars. I am sorry, I didn't realize you had it cut, it looks good. So many times we don't see others because we are so busy looking at ourselves. We worry what people think of us, when in truth they are only worrying about what they look like or occupied with their own worries and troubles to notice others. They think others are looking and talking about them, when in fact they are not being noticed or being gossiped about and it is best unknown. As they say, "The selfish, self-centeredness the nature of our disease, not just the alcoholic and addict, but the family and friends close to them who live with the disease.

As my sponsor said, "What other people think of you is none of your/their business."

February 23

Quote of the Week

"Worrying is praying for things you don't want to happen."

I don't know where my tendency to worry came from - perhaps I learned it from my mother - but I'm sure good at it. Before the program I would worry and stress over most areas of my life and even if something good happened, my automatic thought was, "This isn't going to last." Little did I realize that my constant worry was in some way a request for more bad things to show up in my life.

The book, "The Secret" teaches that thoughts are things, and that what you think about most you attract into your life. It tells us that the law of attraction is neutral and that it responds to your deeply felt beliefs and desires - good or ad. In other words, you get what you pray for.

In the program I've learned that even praying for what I think I want (my will) can still get me into trouble. Today I've found a better way. Today I pray for the knowledge of God's will and the power to carry that out.

This not only removes worry from my life, but it also attracts the best outcomes for all concerned. This is my solution today.

March 2

Quote of the Week

"The difference between me and God is that God doesn't want to be me."

I can't tell you how many times I've tried to arrange all of life to suit my needs. I've planned and schemed, worked and manipulated, hoped and dreamed, and then manipulated some more all in an attempt to get the world to behave the way I wanted it to. When my sponsor told me I was trying to play God, I took it as a compliment and secretly thought I was doing a pretty good job at it.

When I started working the program, I began looking more closely at my behavior and at the consequences of my unchecked ambition and ego. I had hurt a lot of people, including myself, and I was forced to admit that my way wasn't the right way after all. Once I surrendered to this, I became right-sized, and I began to let God assume His proper role in my life.

Today, it's a relief not to have to play God. It's so much easier to suit up and show up, and to let God determine what results are the best for all concerned. Today I pray to be relieved of the bondage of self, and I know the more I can get out of the way, the more good God can do in and through my life.

Today the difference between me and God is real clear.

March 9

Quote of the Week

"It is the mosquitoes that will chase me out of the woods, not the bears!"

It's amazing how I intuitively know how to handle the big things. A few weeks ago my brother and his wife - who live right around the corner from me - came home from vacation to find their home had been robbed. At 2 a.m. they were pounding on my door, waking me up from a dead sleep. I sprang into action getting them online, calming them down, and helping in any way I could. If only I could handle the little things as easily...

Last week I noticed my kitchen faucet had come loose from the sink. Each time I turn it on it wiggles back and forth, and I can't decide what to do about it. I looked underneath and there doesn't seem to be any way to tighten it, and I don't want to spend $200 on a plumber to fix it. I'm beginning to obsess on it and now that it's started to drip a bit I'm at my wits end!

Even though the little things can still paralyze me and leave me feeling helpless, thank God I have a program that has taught me what to do. I've learned to reach out to others and find someone who has experience with what I'm going through. I now know that I don't have to fix everything at once, rather, I just have to take the next indicated action. And most of all, I've learned how to ask for help.

Today, with the guidance of the program, I know how to handle both the big AND the little things.

March 16

Quote of the Week

"When fear knocks on the door, and faith answers, no one is home."

When I was new to the program, I was taught that I could not be in fear and in faith at the same time. I was either living in fear, or I was living in faith. What recovery has taught me is that today I have a choice between the two. And today, I choose to live in faith.

In the Big Book, there is a simple line: "God is everything or He is nothing." And, again, this presents me with a choice - do I believe that my Higher Power will take care of me, or don't I? And the decision I make here leads to a path of either faith or fear.

By taking a third step each day, I am consciously choosing to turn my will and my life over to my Higher Power. I am choosing faith. Then, when fear comes knocking - as it always does - my faith answers the door and fear has nowhere to land. Living in faith gives me the freedom and the courage to live a life that is happy, joyous and free. A life the program promises, and a life I get the choice to live.

March 23

Quote of the Week

"We go to meetings for relief; we work the steps for recovery"


It happens every time - I always feel better after a meeting. Regardless of what's going on, or what my mood is, after a meeting I always feel more centered, more connected, and more at peace. The only problem is, this relief doesn't last.

I was taught a long time ago that meetings were an important part of my recovery, but they wouldn't give me recovery. Only working the steps would do that. Working the steps cause a transformation of my personality, which leads to a spiritual experience. And it is this spiritual experience that gives me recovery.

Even though I have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state, I am reminded that I still have a disease. This is where meetings help me. When I become irritable, restless or discontent, I know that my regular meeting schedule provides the relief I need.

And I know that by continuing to work my program, I will keep the recovery that saves my life.

March 30

Quote of the Week

"Anger and resentment are masks for fear."


When I came into the program, I was pretty angry. With the alcohol and drugs gone, I very quickly got in touch with my feelings, and for me that meant my anger quickly turned into rage. Oh, and resentments - I had a lot of those as well. Without having developed the spiritual tools to deal with my feelings yet, I soon became pretty defiant.

As I began working my way through the program, I learned in the twelve and twelve that we were driven by a hundred forms of self centered fear. After doing a thorough fourth step that included a fear inventory, I found I was driven by way more than just a hundred! It took years, though, for me to realize the connection between my fears and the anger and resentment I felt.

Today I not only see the connection, but I feel it all the time. In fact, today I know that whenever I'm feeling uncomfortable, impatient, quick to snap at people, or just generally irritable, I'm usually in fear of something. And, again, the twelve and twelve tells me it's usually that I'm afraid of losing something or of not getting something I demand. The good news is that today I have a solution. Today, when I'm feeling angry or resentful, I stop and ask myself what I'm afraid of.

Doing this allows me to take the mask off my fears and that always leads me to a solution.

April 6

Quote of the Week

"Everyone wants to feel better, but no one wants to change."

Before recovery, I did a lot of things to feel better. I moved, changed jobs, girlfriends, cars, tried different combinations of drugs and alcohol, took up yoga, joined a gym - the list is endless. While these things worked briefly, inevitably I would be left feeling that giant hole inside of me, a hole that always made me miserable.

When I entered recovery, I had the same initial relief as when I tried other new ways to distract myself. After a while though, it, too, began to wear off and I could sense the hole returning. I met with my sponsor, and he told me I was feeling this way because I was resisting and refusing to change. "But I'm sober!" I told him. "Yeah, but you're still trying to do things your way. Until you surrender and really work the steps, you'll just be the same old you - only you'll be miserable and sober this time."

Thank God my sponsor was willing to tell me the truth, and thank God I was ready to hear it. Deep down, I knew I was the common denominator in all the things I had tried that didn't work, and once I got to step four and honestly looked at my part in things, I finally realized what had to change - me. While thoroughly working the steps, the promises began to come true for me, and today I am not the same man who entered the rooms all those years ago. Today I am happy, joyous and free.

And that is worth changing for.

April 13

Quote of the Week

"Take my advice, I'm not using it."

Before I entered recovery, I thought I knew everything. I knew the right way you should be living your life, the right diet to eat, the right way to vote, etc. And because I knew everything, I was quick to tell you about it. Problem was, I never practiced what I preached because I thought I had a better way, an easier, softer way of getting what I wanted. Turns out I was wrong.

When I started working the Twelve Steps, the biggest obstacle I faced was letting go of my old “good” ideas. My sponsor always used to ask me what my ‘back pocket’ plans were, and I’d tell him my best advice for living. “And how’s that working for you?” he’d ask me. Not too well, was my inevitable reply. It took many more bottoms for me to finally release my know-it-all attitude and listen to others solutions for living.

Today I keep my advice to myself and let my life and my actions speak for themselves. If I have a good idea today, I discuss it with others before I try it out. If it works for me, I let it be another living example of what works for me. Today, when asked for my advice, I instead offer my experience, strength and hope. If it helps you, great; if not, that’s fine too. Today I’m quicker to take advice than to hand it out, and I've found it works out a lot better this way.

April 20

Quote of the Week

"Let go of your old ideas - even the good ones."

When I was new in recovery, my sponsor always used to ask me what my "back pocket" plans were. These were the plans and ideas I had that were so good I thought I didn't have to run them by him. Once I did though, I was amazed by how all of my thinking was screwed up - not just the parts that were obvious.

What I have come to learn in recovery is that my thinking has to change if I want to get better. All of the thoughts, ideas and plans I had before recovery (even my best thinking), could not get me well. "My best thinking got me into the rooms" is a quote that constantly reminds me of this.

For me, recovery means abandoning myself to this program and letting go of all of my old ideas - even the good ones. In fact today when I have a good idea it's a tip off that I'd better run it by someone. And when I do, I'm reminded that my thinking still isn't quite right. Thank God I don't have to do this alone!

April 27

Quote of the Week

"If you baby them, you bury them."

People in recovery are a stubborn lot, used to running their lives on massive amounts of self will fueled by old ideas. It's hard for us to take direction and "rebellion dogs our every step." We are constantly looking for a way around things, and I'm reminded of the story of when W.C. Fields, lying on his deathbed, was asked why he was only now reading the Bible. "I'm looking for the loopholes," was his reply. Boy can I relate.

The first question my sponsor asked me when we began working together was, "Are you willing to go to any lengths to get this?" I was able to answer yes because I had reached bottom and it was my desperation that gave me the willingness to follow his suggestions and direction. He was firm with me, and I learned about contrary action very quickly. Learning to follow his direction rather than my will saved my life.

I've sponsored a lot of guys over the years and my experience has taught me that those I have to baby or make 'lite' suggestions too are simply not ready to go to any lengths. They are the ones who don't get this and some have gone out and dug their own graves. Only when you are through looking for the loopholes do you have a chance to recover.

And it's my job as sponsor to make that perfectly clear.

May 4

Quote of the Week

"You may be the only Big Book anyone ever reads."

As I was leaving a meeting at a church near my home the other night, I saw one of our members bring his cigarette onto the church parking lot (smoking is not allowed on church property), and then throw it on the ground as he got into his car and drove away. This made me angry as I thought about how this would reflect on the rest of us, and I wondered how he could be so self-centered and insensitive.

About a week later, I found myself at my bank dealing with an online banking error. I was resentful I had to take the time out of my day, indignant they hadn't been able to fix it over the phone, and generally a pain in the ass to the guy who was trying to help me. After he resolved the issue and I calmed down, I thought about the kind of example I was setting and quickly made amends to him for my behavior.

On the way home, I thought about step twelve and the importance of practicing these principles in all our affairs. I realized how easy it is for me to still be self-centered and insensitive and how the twelfth step helps me guard against these character defects. I also realized that I have a responsibility to the program because I am an example of us all.

Today I work the twelfth step because I know that I may be the only Big Book anyone ever reads.

May 11

Quote of the Week

"Try praying. Nothing pleases God more than hearing a strange voice."

This quote hit me on several levels. First, it reminded me of how often I forget to use one of the most powerful tools in my spiritual toolkit - prayer. I was taught early on that praying is simply talking to God, and my repeated experience is that it works in so many ways. Each time I use it, I receive the peace, guidance, and strength I need to live life with grace and serenity.

This quote also reminds me that no matter how long it has been since I reached out to God, He is always waiting and happy to hear from me. I remember I learned this lesson early on in my recovery when I was angry with God and was guilty as I blamed and cursed Him. My sponsor told me that it didn't matter what I said to God - He was big enough to handle it - the important thing was that I was finally talking to God.

What this taught me is that God’s love for me is unconditional. Knowing this enabled me to develop an open and honest dialogue that led to a loving and trusted relationship with my Higher Power. I grow and benefit from this relationship each time I remember to pray, and this quote reminds me that no matter how long it has been, God is always ready and happy to hear from me.

May 18

Quote of the Week

"Humility is not thinking less about yourself, but rather thinking about yourself less."

Oh, how the ego rebels against the thought of humility. "If I'm humble, I'll be a nothing. I'll vanish! I must be distinguished, different, better than! Only by standing out will I have an identity," it screams. We in recovery have felt the stinging reprisals from our fellows when we listened to our ego and let it have its way. Today, we have found a better way.

Humility, like so many other concepts in recovery that at first seem like weaknesses, turns out to be one of our greatest strengths. By thinking about ourselves less, a truer identity emerges, a more peaceful and fulfilled sense of self that comes from being of service to and from connecting with others.

While my ego may never give up the fight, I'm thankful I have this quote to remind me of the truth: I am always happier when I'm thinking about myself less - when I'm practicing true humility.

May 25

Quote of the Week

"Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?"

Now that was a hard one to answer when I was new. In fact, my answer back then was, "But I was right! He/she/they were wrong! It has nothing to do with being happy!" How wrong I was. And by clinging to my self righteous pride and ego, I fought a lot of people and a lot of things to maintain my right to be right.

And I paid a steep price for this stubbornness. Living in opposition to a lot of people, places and institutions takes a lot of energy and it constantly creates a lot of resentments. And resentments will kill me. In order to stay alive, I've had to learn to forget about who's right or wrong, and instead to focus on my part. Mine is the only part I can control, and if my side of the street is clean, then I become open to the only real solution to any situation: forgiveness, surrender and acceptance.

Today I know that while I rarely have the opportunity to be right, I always have the choice to be happy. By doing a 10th step each day and looking at and correcting my part, I get to forget about who is right, and I get to be happy and free instead.

And today I'd rather be happy than right.

June 1

Quote of the Week

"I may not be much, but I'm all I think about."

If I add up all the time I spend thinking about myself - at least 70% of the time I'm thinking (usually worrying) about my future, 20% of the time I'm thinking about my past (usually wishing I had made different choices), and about 10% of the time thinking about what I should do next - it's easy to see why I don't have time for others. I'm busy!

The paradox, though, is that all this self-centeredness isn't driven by a big ego or high sense of self. Rather, it's the low self-esteem of alcoholism that fuels my thoughts, and it's why most of my thinking is negative and self defeating. Self-loathing is a core characteristic of this disease and when combined with self-obsession, it becomes a depressingly deadly combination.

Thank God there is a way out. I was taught early on that self-centeredness is the root of my trouble, and that true recovery comes from thinking about and working with others. I've found that when I'm focused on you, I'm not thinking about me, and that's the only time I begin feeling better about myself.

And when I feel better about myself, it's easier to think more about others.

June 8

Quote of the Week

"Wisdom is knowledge you learn after you know it all."

You couldn't tell me anything before I entered recovery because I knew it all. I had all the answers for my life, and I had all the answers for yours, too, and I was quick to tell you about it. In fact, my favorite saying back then was, "Those who think they know it all are really annoying to those of us who do!"

When I came into the program, I brought all my opinions into the rooms with me. At first I tried to do things my way and thought I had better answers than you. I mean, "Turn it over"? "Let go and let God"? That may work for you, but I was sure I knew better. 90 days later, though, I was drunk!

When I finally admitted that I didn't know how to stay sober, I became willing to admit that perhaps I didn't know everything after all. That was the moment I became teachable, and it was the moment I began to recover. The longer I'm in the program, the more I realize that many times what I think I know, just ain't so.

Today I'm quick to admit that I don't have the answers, and when I do I become open to the wisdom that lies beyond.

June 15

Quote of the Week

"If I'm feeling hysterical, it must be historical."

Before recovery, I often wondered why little things caused such a big reaction in me. Somebody driving too slow, other people's comments, little things not going my way - these events often caused big reactions and left me confused and with a painful emotional hangover.

Today though, I've learned to look beyond these events and to what they trigger in me. And what I uncover are the old wounds and hurts from long ago - the historical causes of my hysterical reactions. And once I'm able to see events as the 'buttons' they are, my real emotional recovery can begin.

Today I use questions to help identify and heal old wounds. "What's really behind this reaction?" "What can I do right now to soothe myself?" "Where's the recovery here?" All these wonderful questions are tools I now use to help me heal and so avoid these bigger than life reactions. Today I uncover, discover, and heal old hurts.

June 22

Quote of the Week

"Praying is talking to God, Meditation is listening for the answer."

In step 11 we "sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a power greater than ourselves..." For a long time I wondered what the difference between prayer and meditation was, and then I heard this quote. While it immediately made sense, there were important distinctions I soon had to learn.

In the beginning my prayers were all about what I wanted to see happen for me and other people. I was busy telling God what to do. "Please let me get that job"; "Help my friend get better"; "Don't let me lose it/her/that." It took me many years to realize that God's will for my life and others far exceeded my limited vision and best intentions.

After years of developing faith through experience, I finally saw the wisdom in the second part of step 11: "praying only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out." That knowledge is the answer I listen for in meditation, and my faith today comes from the understanding that God's will is always the best for myself and others. And what a load off my shoulders that is.

Today I sincerely pray for the knowledge of God's will, and I listen for the best ways to carry that out.

June 29

Quote of the Week

"I'm glad that what's going on in my head isn't happening in my life."

I don't know why, but my perception of my life is always different - and worse - than the reality of my life. I can be in line at Starbucks, and that's what's happening, but in the storm in my head I'm thinking the line is so slow I'll be there forever; the coffee won't be hot enough; the traffic will be horrible; I'll be late; I'll miss that big deal, and then I'll lose my job and join the rest of the world of the unemployed in the 2nd Great Depression. And this is all just in line at Starbucks!

When I heard today's quote, I began to understand what they mean when they say that alcoholism is a disease of perception. My best thinking used to get me into trouble, and even in recovery the distortion of my thoughts can easily make me restless, irritable and discontented. That's why I rely on my Higher Power and the program to restore me to sanity.

Today, I've learned to run my thinking by others in the fellowship and to turn my fears over to God. Today I listen less to my thoughts and instead pay attention to the reality of my life. When I do this, I'm able to be present for the miracle my life is today, and I'm able to be happy, joyous and free.

Today I'm grateful that what's going on in my head isn't happening in my life.

July 6

Quote of the Week

"Bring the body, the mind will follow."

This is a quote I heard early on in my recovery, and it has served me well over and years. Over and over again, when I haven't wanted to go to a meeting, I went anyway and once my body was there, my mind ended up being glad it went along, too. Like much of the wisdom in the program, I can apply the truth in this quote to many other areas of my life as well.

What I've learned is that taking action is almost always the gateway into feeling better. Rarely have I been able to think my way into different behavior or results, instead it's only when I take action (especially when I don't want to) that things begin to shift, and I begin feeling better.
The program, like life, doesn't work when I'm into thinking, only when I'm into action.

It's interesting how, even with this knowledge and experience, my mind still tells me not to do the things that will make me feel better. Often I'd rather watch TV than go to a meeting, rest after work than go to the gym, procrastinate rather than take action. The good news, though, is that it always works out for the best when I go ahead and take action anyway.

Whenever I bring my body, my mind always follows...

July 13

Quote of the Week

"Did God introduce me to the program, or did the program introduce me to God?"

In the beginning of my recovery, I spent a lot of time resenting that I had to go to all those meetings and do all that work. "Why can't I just lead a normal life?" I cried. It took quite a while before I began to appreciate how fortunate I was to be on a spiritual path that led to a relationship with God, as I understand Him.

I now know that the greatest gift I've received in recovery has been my relationship with my Higher Power. The freedom, the serenity, the ability to finally live life on life's terms are all parts of the indescribable miracle that has come as the result of finding God through my 12 step program.

So now whenever I cry about being so different and about having to keep going to meetings, I ask myself, "If the program was the only way I would have found God, would I have chosen to be an alcoholic?" My answer is a resounding YES. I now know that it doesn't matter whether God introduced me to the program or if the program introduced me to God. All that is important is that I found Him.

July 20

Quote of the Week

"Everyone has a Higher Power, and it's not me."

What a relief it was when I heard this quote. I've spent a lot of time thinking about what's best for you, a lot of energy trying to arrange things for you, and a lot of time worrying about what's going to happen to you. In other words, I was pretty sure that I knew what was best for you and felt like it was my job to bring that about.

When I heard this quote, it restored me to my proper role in your (and everyone else's) life, and it relieved me of a lot of responsibility. It reminded me that you have your own path and that my role is to support and love you, not direct and control you. And it relieved me of responsibility by reminding me that you have a force in your life far greater in power and wisdom than me, and that's your Higher Power.

Today when I worry about the challenges those I love and care about are going through, I recognize that I can be of the most service simply by being there for them, by helping them and by loving them. But their ultimate solace, strength, hope and love will always come from their own Higher Power. Today I let go and let God work in my life and in the lives of others.

And it relieved me of responsibility by reminding me that you have a force far greater in power and wisdom than me, and that's your Higher Power.

July 27

Quote of the Week

"Anxiety is the difference between now and then."

Before recovery, I had a hard time staying in the present. Without permission my mind would race into the future where it was quickly mired in anxiety and the dread of "What's going to happen then?" What I didn't realize was that I was using drugs and alcohol because they brought me back to the now, and in the present everything was (and always is) OK.

But then they stopped working and what a dark time in my life that was. Without the immediate ability to be present, my mind galloped into the future like a pack of wild horses. At times it was all I could do to hang on, but over time I learned new ways to get present and, as one speaker said, to "Be where your feet are."

What I've learned over the years is that my serenity today is directly related to how much time I spend in the now. Oh sure I have to plan ahead, but I've learned that after I do, it’s important to put the tool of my mind down and return to the present. And once I'm back here, right now, I'm once again safe and free from worry.

I now understand that anxiety is the difference between now and then.

August 3

Quote of the Week

"It all works out in the end...if it hasn't worked out yet, it's not the end."

This is one of the truest quotes I've heard yet. I can't tell you how many times I've stressed and worried about something I was sure wasn't going to work out, only to eventually realize that in the end it all worked out just fine. Sometimes it took months, other times years, but of all the things I've obsessed about, nearly all of them worked out in the end. The key is waiting for the end.

Before recovery, I was more focused on the middle than the end. I was addicted to drama and was sure that all the negative things in my life would only get worse. I secretly liked being a victim and when something started to work out, I quickly pointed to other awful things that were, or could be, happening. As you might imagine, my life never got any better.

When I entered the program, I was sure that it, too, wouldn't work out. I spent many months trying to convince anyone who would listen why my life would end in disaster. Their answer was always the same - keep coming back. What I eventually learned was that with the right thought and actions, and with a faith in a Higher Power, things did work out in the end.

And I learned that if it hasn't worked out yet, then it's not the end.

August 10

Quote of the Week

"God, help me to go from where I am, to where I need to be, for who I am."

This is a beautiful 11th step prayer. Although compact and seemingly simple, it is one of the purest ways of working this step. In the first part, "God, help me to go from where I am," I am strengthening my conscious contact as I partner with my Higher Power and invite Him to guide me on my spiritual journey.

The second part, "to where I need to be," reveals the wisdom of this prayer as it shows that I have truly turned the result of my journey over to God. Like all great spiritual treatments, the power here comes from me getting out of the way - thus removing my limited thinking and self will - and allowing God's limitless power and infinite resources to do for me what I can't do for myself.

The last part, "for who I am" reinforces the power of faith. Trusting that God's ultimate knowledge and will for me will reveal my true purpose gives me the greatest gift of all - a real chance at the fulfillment, peace, and happiness I seek.

August 17

Quote of the Week

"I don't have a rewind button in my life, but I do have a pause..."

I can't tell you how many times - usually when I'm really mad or hurt - I've said or done things that I've later regretted. But in the heat of the moment when I felt I needed to defend, attack, or justify myself, I have acted in ways that have hurt not only others but myself as well.

When I entered recovery, my sponsor told me that just because I was now sober it didn't mean that I would never be hurt or get angry again. He told me there would still be plenty of times I would want to strike out, but in order to recover I had to become responsible for my actions. "You don't have a rewind button, but you do have a pause" he told me. And then he taught me how to use it.

Practicing restrain of pen and tongue has been one of the most practical things I have learned in recovery. I was taught not to react when upset, but rather to call someone and run my reactions by them first. I can still write that email, text or letter, but I have to show it to my sponsor before I send it. Pausing and praying to my Higher Power always restores my power of choice and allows me to check in with others before I react.

Today I pause, and that often saves me from later wishing I had a rewind button...

August 24

Quote of the Week

"Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake."

Lately, things haven't been going my way. Both small things as well as big, scary health related issues have come up that are definitely not what I wanted and can't be good for me. As I climbed up on my pity pot and started collecting even more evidence why and how the world had it in for me, I heard today's quote and things began to shift.

In the past, poor me, poor me soon led to pour me another drink. In recovery, however, I'm able to shift my perception to what God's will is for me, and that almost always leads me to ask how what I'm going through can benefit or help another. No matter how far I've fallen or how rough my road has been, each experience I've had enables me to help another.

As I looked at my current set of challenges through the lens of service, I suddenly felt lighter. I realized I wasn't alone, and that by involving others I could benefit from their experience, strength and hope. I also realized that together we would grow from this experience and we would learn new ways to help others through common difficulties. As I reframed what was going on in my life as opportunities for growth, I realized the wisdom in the saying,

“Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.”

August 31

Quote of the Week

"Live life today as though you knew you were dying."


We've all heard sayings like this before, and for many years my reaction was, "Yeah but it's not my last day and the rent is due at the end of the month, and my relationship isn't getting better, and blah, blah, blah." As the many worries of the future consumed me, the precious days and years passed by without me, and now, at 13 years of sobriety, I wonder where the time went.

I remember when I got 30 days an old timer with 24 years shook my hand and congratulated me. I said, "Gee, I wish I had 24 years," and I'll never forget what he said. "I'll trade you my 24 years, right now, for your 30 days!" It took me many years to see the wisdom in this - it's about the journey, not the destination.

These days, I'm very aware of the gift of another day alive and sober. I've seen a lot of people go out or even die, and today I live from a place of supreme gratitude. Life is precious, beautiful and filled with opportunities to help people and make a real difference. I appreciate my life today, and I'm grateful that I'm present enough to enjoy it.

Today I live life as though I was dying, and I'm fully alive because of it.

September 7

Quote of the Week

"My recovery changed when I forever gave up the hope of having a different past."

I have spent a lot of time thinking about my past. Alternately feeling sorry for myself or being outraged at the wrongs - real or imagined - that were done to me, a constant theme in my thinking is how much different, better, happier I would be if only I hadn't had these parents, or stepparents, or those siblings, or on and on.

But it will never be different. My past will be my past always and, good or bad, it is uniquely mine. When I got to the program, I was taught that in recovery we stop fighting everybody and everything; in other words we surrender. One definition of surrender is to lay down our arms and join the winning side. By surrendering my old feelings about my past, I start to see it in a new light, and a new miracle has begun.

By working my program, I am able to make peace with my past, to look at my part and see the lessons and gifts it has to offer. In time, I come to see how valuable my experiences are, and how I can use them to help another. "One's deepest wounds, integrated, become our greatest power." Once I have healed my past, I begin to see how it can help heal another.

September 14

Quote of the Week

"People who try to figure it out, go back out."

I like to think of myself as a pretty smart guy, and when I was new to the program, I kept trying to figure out how the program worked and why my sponsor wanted me to do certain things. For example, when he told me to put the chairs away after a meeting or pick up cigarette butts, I was offended. "What's that got to do with me getting sober?" I'd ask. "Are you willing to do what we do around here?" He'd ask. I was, and so I took his suggestions.

There are a lot of other pretty smart people who come into the program and when given the same direction, they baulk and need to first figure out how it all works. They constantly ask questions and when I give them the simple answers as to why it has worked for me and countless others, they just keep asking. Their resistance to follow direction and unwillingness to do the work just hides an ego that hasn't surrendered yet. Unfortunately, this insistence on figuring it out often leads them to go back out.

Fortunately for me, I had hit a bottom that allowed me to be completely willing and open to suggestions. I surrendered to the Group Of Drunks (G.O.D.) because they could do something I couldn't - stay sober and improve their lives. As my sponsor told me, "Your best thinking got you into the rooms, so stop trying to figure it out and just follow direction."

I did and my life got better, and over ten years later, I haven't found it necessary to go back out.

September 21

Quote of the Week

"I'm in the action business, and God is in the results business."

I was at my local Starbucks last week, and I ran into a friend who is in the program. He asked me how I was doing and I told him how overwhelmed and scared I felt, and that's when he reminded me that there are some things I can control, and some things I can't. As soon as he said this, I felt a great relief because I realized at once that I had been trying to control everything again.

Before recovery that's how I lived my life. I planned everything, took massive action, and then I tried to control the results. It was exhausting living that way, but without a Higher Power in my life, I didn't dare let go of anything. What a gift (and relief!) it was to learn that my real role in life is to suit up and show up and then turn the results over to God.

As we kept talking, he told me that all I had to do was take the next indicated action and then turn it over. When I looked at it this way, I was comforted because I knew I could control setting the next appointment or taking the next test, and as I released the results I released the tension and worry as well.

Today, I remind myself that I am in the action business, and God is in the results business.

September 28

Quote of the Week

"I may not know how to make it better, but I sure know how to make it worse."

I remember how bad things were before recovery, and how easy it was for me to make them worse. If my job wasn't going well, I'd cop an attitude, show up late, or start slacking off (more than I already was!). If my relationship wasn't going the way I thought it should, I'd shut down and withhold - all with the justified thought, "I'll show her." No matter what was going wrong, I always found a way to make it worse.

When I entered recovery, my sponsor taught me that what happened in my life was my responsibility. He showed me how I had a part in everything that happened to me and how my solutions often became worse than the original problem. It took many years for me to accept this and many more to learn how to make better choices. Thank God I had the twelve steps to teach me how.

I once heard someone say that the program was the life manual they always wished they had when growing up. I completely relate to this because now I, too, know how to handle situations that used to baffle me. Best of all, though, by staying focused on my part I know how to make things better.

Today I have a choice between making the situations in my life better or worse, and most of the time I make the right choice.