April 13

Quote of the Week

"Take my advice, I'm not using it."

Before I entered recovery, I thought I knew everything. I knew the right way you should be living your life, the right diet to eat, the right way to vote, etc. And because I knew everything, I was quick to tell you about it. Problem was, I never practiced what I preached because I thought I had a better way, an easier, softer way of getting what I wanted. Turns out I was wrong.

When I started working the Twelve Steps, the biggest obstacle I faced was letting go of my old “good” ideas. My sponsor always used to ask me what my ‘back pocket’ plans were, and I’d tell him my best advice for living. “And how’s that working for you?” he’d ask me. Not too well, was my inevitable reply. It took many more bottoms for me to finally release my know-it-all attitude and listen to others solutions for living.

Today I keep my advice to myself and let my life and my actions speak for themselves. If I have a good idea today, I discuss it with others before I try it out. If it works for me, I let it be another living example of what works for me. Today, when asked for my advice, I instead offer my experience, strength and hope. If it helps you, great; if not, that’s fine too. Today I’m quicker to take advice than to hand it out, and I've found it works out a lot better this way.

April 20

Quote of the Week

"Let go of your old ideas - even the good ones."

When I was new in recovery, my sponsor always used to ask me what my "back pocket" plans were. These were the plans and ideas I had that were so good I thought I didn't have to run them by him. Once I did though, I was amazed by how all of my thinking was screwed up - not just the parts that were obvious.

What I have come to learn in recovery is that my thinking has to change if I want to get better. All of the thoughts, ideas and plans I had before recovery (even my best thinking), could not get me well. "My best thinking got me into the rooms" is a quote that constantly reminds me of this.

For me, recovery means abandoning myself to this program and letting go of all of my old ideas - even the good ones. In fact today when I have a good idea it's a tip off that I'd better run it by someone. And when I do, I'm reminded that my thinking still isn't quite right. Thank God I don't have to do this alone!

April 27

Quote of the Week

"If you baby them, you bury them."

People in recovery are a stubborn lot, used to running their lives on massive amounts of self will fueled by old ideas. It's hard for us to take direction and "rebellion dogs our every step." We are constantly looking for a way around things, and I'm reminded of the story of when W.C. Fields, lying on his deathbed, was asked why he was only now reading the Bible. "I'm looking for the loopholes," was his reply. Boy can I relate.

The first question my sponsor asked me when we began working together was, "Are you willing to go to any lengths to get this?" I was able to answer yes because I had reached bottom and it was my desperation that gave me the willingness to follow his suggestions and direction. He was firm with me, and I learned about contrary action very quickly. Learning to follow his direction rather than my will saved my life.

I've sponsored a lot of guys over the years and my experience has taught me that those I have to baby or make 'lite' suggestions too are simply not ready to go to any lengths. They are the ones who don't get this and some have gone out and dug their own graves. Only when you are through looking for the loopholes do you have a chance to recover.

And it's my job as sponsor to make that perfectly clear.

May 4

Quote of the Week

"You may be the only Big Book anyone ever reads."

As I was leaving a meeting at a church near my home the other night, I saw one of our members bring his cigarette onto the church parking lot (smoking is not allowed on church property), and then throw it on the ground as he got into his car and drove away. This made me angry as I thought about how this would reflect on the rest of us, and I wondered how he could be so self-centered and insensitive.

About a week later, I found myself at my bank dealing with an online banking error. I was resentful I had to take the time out of my day, indignant they hadn't been able to fix it over the phone, and generally a pain in the ass to the guy who was trying to help me. After he resolved the issue and I calmed down, I thought about the kind of example I was setting and quickly made amends to him for my behavior.

On the way home, I thought about step twelve and the importance of practicing these principles in all our affairs. I realized how easy it is for me to still be self-centered and insensitive and how the twelfth step helps me guard against these character defects. I also realized that I have a responsibility to the program because I am an example of us all.

Today I work the twelfth step because I know that I may be the only Big Book anyone ever reads.

May 11

Quote of the Week

"Try praying. Nothing pleases God more than hearing a strange voice."

This quote hit me on several levels. First, it reminded me of how often I forget to use one of the most powerful tools in my spiritual toolkit - prayer. I was taught early on that praying is simply talking to God, and my repeated experience is that it works in so many ways. Each time I use it, I receive the peace, guidance, and strength I need to live life with grace and serenity.

This quote also reminds me that no matter how long it has been since I reached out to God, He is always waiting and happy to hear from me. I remember I learned this lesson early on in my recovery when I was angry with God and was guilty as I blamed and cursed Him. My sponsor told me that it didn't matter what I said to God - He was big enough to handle it - the important thing was that I was finally talking to God.

What this taught me is that God’s love for me is unconditional. Knowing this enabled me to develop an open and honest dialogue that led to a loving and trusted relationship with my Higher Power. I grow and benefit from this relationship each time I remember to pray, and this quote reminds me that no matter how long it has been, God is always ready and happy to hear from me.

May 18

Quote of the Week

"Humility is not thinking less about yourself, but rather thinking about yourself less."

Oh, how the ego rebels against the thought of humility. "If I'm humble, I'll be a nothing. I'll vanish! I must be distinguished, different, better than! Only by standing out will I have an identity," it screams. We in recovery have felt the stinging reprisals from our fellows when we listened to our ego and let it have its way. Today, we have found a better way.

Humility, like so many other concepts in recovery that at first seem like weaknesses, turns out to be one of our greatest strengths. By thinking about ourselves less, a truer identity emerges, a more peaceful and fulfilled sense of self that comes from being of service to and from connecting with others.

While my ego may never give up the fight, I'm thankful I have this quote to remind me of the truth: I am always happier when I'm thinking about myself less - when I'm practicing true humility.

May 25

Quote of the Week

"Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?"

Now that was a hard one to answer when I was new. In fact, my answer back then was, "But I was right! He/she/they were wrong! It has nothing to do with being happy!" How wrong I was. And by clinging to my self righteous pride and ego, I fought a lot of people and a lot of things to maintain my right to be right.

And I paid a steep price for this stubbornness. Living in opposition to a lot of people, places and institutions takes a lot of energy and it constantly creates a lot of resentments. And resentments will kill me. In order to stay alive, I've had to learn to forget about who's right or wrong, and instead to focus on my part. Mine is the only part I can control, and if my side of the street is clean, then I become open to the only real solution to any situation: forgiveness, surrender and acceptance.

Today I know that while I rarely have the opportunity to be right, I always have the choice to be happy. By doing a 10th step each day and looking at and correcting my part, I get to forget about who is right, and I get to be happy and free instead.

And today I'd rather be happy than right.

June 1

Quote of the Week

"I may not be much, but I'm all I think about."

If I add up all the time I spend thinking about myself - at least 70% of the time I'm thinking (usually worrying) about my future, 20% of the time I'm thinking about my past (usually wishing I had made different choices), and about 10% of the time thinking about what I should do next - it's easy to see why I don't have time for others. I'm busy!

The paradox, though, is that all this self-centeredness isn't driven by a big ego or high sense of self. Rather, it's the low self-esteem of alcoholism that fuels my thoughts, and it's why most of my thinking is negative and self defeating. Self-loathing is a core characteristic of this disease and when combined with self-obsession, it becomes a depressingly deadly combination.

Thank God there is a way out. I was taught early on that self-centeredness is the root of my trouble, and that true recovery comes from thinking about and working with others. I've found that when I'm focused on you, I'm not thinking about me, and that's the only time I begin feeling better about myself.

And when I feel better about myself, it's easier to think more about others.

June 8

Quote of the Week

"Wisdom is knowledge you learn after you know it all."

You couldn't tell me anything before I entered recovery because I knew it all. I had all the answers for my life, and I had all the answers for yours, too, and I was quick to tell you about it. In fact, my favorite saying back then was, "Those who think they know it all are really annoying to those of us who do!"

When I came into the program, I brought all my opinions into the rooms with me. At first I tried to do things my way and thought I had better answers than you. I mean, "Turn it over"? "Let go and let God"? That may work for you, but I was sure I knew better. 90 days later, though, I was drunk!

When I finally admitted that I didn't know how to stay sober, I became willing to admit that perhaps I didn't know everything after all. That was the moment I became teachable, and it was the moment I began to recover. The longer I'm in the program, the more I realize that many times what I think I know, just ain't so.

Today I'm quick to admit that I don't have the answers, and when I do I become open to the wisdom that lies beyond.

June 15

Quote of the Week

"If I'm feeling hysterical, it must be historical."

Before recovery, I often wondered why little things caused such a big reaction in me. Somebody driving too slow, other people's comments, little things not going my way - these events often caused big reactions and left me confused and with a painful emotional hangover.

Today though, I've learned to look beyond these events and to what they trigger in me. And what I uncover are the old wounds and hurts from long ago - the historical causes of my hysterical reactions. And once I'm able to see events as the 'buttons' they are, my real emotional recovery can begin.

Today I use questions to help identify and heal old wounds. "What's really behind this reaction?" "What can I do right now to soothe myself?" "Where's the recovery here?" All these wonderful questions are tools I now use to help me heal and so avoid these bigger than life reactions. Today I uncover, discover, and heal old hurts.

June 22

Quote of the Week

"Praying is talking to God, Meditation is listening for the answer."

In step 11 we "sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a power greater than ourselves..." For a long time I wondered what the difference between prayer and meditation was, and then I heard this quote. While it immediately made sense, there were important distinctions I soon had to learn.

In the beginning my prayers were all about what I wanted to see happen for me and other people. I was busy telling God what to do. "Please let me get that job"; "Help my friend get better"; "Don't let me lose it/her/that." It took me many years to realize that God's will for my life and others far exceeded my limited vision and best intentions.

After years of developing faith through experience, I finally saw the wisdom in the second part of step 11: "praying only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out." That knowledge is the answer I listen for in meditation, and my faith today comes from the understanding that God's will is always the best for myself and others. And what a load off my shoulders that is.

Today I sincerely pray for the knowledge of God's will, and I listen for the best ways to carry that out.

June 29

Quote of the Week

"I'm glad that what's going on in my head isn't happening in my life."

I don't know why, but my perception of my life is always different - and worse - than the reality of my life. I can be in line at Starbucks, and that's what's happening, but in the storm in my head I'm thinking the line is so slow I'll be there forever; the coffee won't be hot enough; the traffic will be horrible; I'll be late; I'll miss that big deal, and then I'll lose my job and join the rest of the world of the unemployed in the 2nd Great Depression. And this is all just in line at Starbucks!

When I heard today's quote, I began to understand what they mean when they say that alcoholism is a disease of perception. My best thinking used to get me into trouble, and even in recovery the distortion of my thoughts can easily make me restless, irritable and discontented. That's why I rely on my Higher Power and the program to restore me to sanity.

Today, I've learned to run my thinking by others in the fellowship and to turn my fears over to God. Today I listen less to my thoughts and instead pay attention to the reality of my life. When I do this, I'm able to be present for the miracle my life is today, and I'm able to be happy, joyous and free.

Today I'm grateful that what's going on in my head isn't happening in my life.

July 6

Quote of the Week

"Bring the body, the mind will follow."

This is a quote I heard early on in my recovery, and it has served me well over and years. Over and over again, when I haven't wanted to go to a meeting, I went anyway and once my body was there, my mind ended up being glad it went along, too. Like much of the wisdom in the program, I can apply the truth in this quote to many other areas of my life as well.

What I've learned is that taking action is almost always the gateway into feeling better. Rarely have I been able to think my way into different behavior or results, instead it's only when I take action (especially when I don't want to) that things begin to shift, and I begin feeling better.
The program, like life, doesn't work when I'm into thinking, only when I'm into action.

It's interesting how, even with this knowledge and experience, my mind still tells me not to do the things that will make me feel better. Often I'd rather watch TV than go to a meeting, rest after work than go to the gym, procrastinate rather than take action. The good news, though, is that it always works out for the best when I go ahead and take action anyway.

Whenever I bring my body, my mind always follows...

July 13

Quote of the Week

"Did God introduce me to the program, or did the program introduce me to God?"

In the beginning of my recovery, I spent a lot of time resenting that I had to go to all those meetings and do all that work. "Why can't I just lead a normal life?" I cried. It took quite a while before I began to appreciate how fortunate I was to be on a spiritual path that led to a relationship with God, as I understand Him.

I now know that the greatest gift I've received in recovery has been my relationship with my Higher Power. The freedom, the serenity, the ability to finally live life on life's terms are all parts of the indescribable miracle that has come as the result of finding God through my 12 step program.

So now whenever I cry about being so different and about having to keep going to meetings, I ask myself, "If the program was the only way I would have found God, would I have chosen to be an alcoholic?" My answer is a resounding YES. I now know that it doesn't matter whether God introduced me to the program or if the program introduced me to God. All that is important is that I found Him.

July 20

Quote of the Week

"Everyone has a Higher Power, and it's not me."

What a relief it was when I heard this quote. I've spent a lot of time thinking about what's best for you, a lot of energy trying to arrange things for you, and a lot of time worrying about what's going to happen to you. In other words, I was pretty sure that I knew what was best for you and felt like it was my job to bring that about.

When I heard this quote, it restored me to my proper role in your (and everyone else's) life, and it relieved me of a lot of responsibility. It reminded me that you have your own path and that my role is to support and love you, not direct and control you. And it relieved me of responsibility by reminding me that you have a force in your life far greater in power and wisdom than me, and that's your Higher Power.

Today when I worry about the challenges those I love and care about are going through, I recognize that I can be of the most service simply by being there for them, by helping them and by loving them. But their ultimate solace, strength, hope and love will always come from their own Higher Power. Today I let go and let God work in my life and in the lives of others.

And it relieved me of responsibility by reminding me that you have a force far greater in power and wisdom than me, and that's your Higher Power.